A couple of weeks ago, the most amazing thing happened: I met a biped who was NOT a writer! I immediately went into convulsions and nearly died--it was such a rare experience, so terrifying in its implications in a land where every hairdresser and grease monkey not only HAS at least one gorgeous computer but IS a budding novelist on the verge of success, because that's what America is all about. Right?
Michael Okuda – Startrek
The Emperor’s Nightengale HCA
A writer is facing a mugger with a gun.
“Your money or your life!" says the mugger.
"I'm sorry," the writer answers, "I am a writer, so I have no money and no life."
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded." The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague: "You know the person that did this really needs help."
A pastor always used the phrase, "It might be worse," when some calamity would come his way. One day a friend said to him, "I've something to tell you, and you won't be able to use your favorite phrase. I dreamt last night that I died and went to hell." "It might be worse," said the preacher. The friend came unglued: "man alive, how could it be worse?" to which the pastor replied: "it might be true."
Three guys die together and go to heaven.... St. Peter says, "We only have one rule...don't step on the ducks as they are God's favorite creation."
They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible to not step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the biggest, ugliest woman he'd ever seen...
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman forever."
The next day the second guy steps on a duck...Sure enough, St. Peter comes with another ugly woman and chains them together.
Seeing this, the third guy is very, very careful. He goes for months and doesn't step on any ducks. One day, St. Peter comes along with this beautiful woman: Blonde, blue-eyed, very young and very sexy. He chains them together and leaves without a word.
The man remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve this good fortune?" And the Blonde says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.
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