This is such a wondrous way to think about the significant other in your life. Note to Self: quit living in a fantasy world and enjoy the real life you have been given. -- A.D.
Posted on Fri, Dec. 14, 2007
BARTON GOLDSMITH: Look to everyday life to find the perfect mate
Scripps Howard News Service
-- Almost daily I hear someone tell me about their ideal mate. The description goes something like this: "I want someone to travel with, who will play the sports I like, someone who will take me to nice places or give me a massage every night."
Although these are all wonderful things, they also are temporary, and not exactly the qualities that you want to look for in a life mate. After all, most of our lives are not spent in the first-class cabin, lunching at Spago or touring Paris. The truth is that we spend the majority of our time taking care of home, hearth and work -- not to mention the kids, animals and whatever else we have attached ourselves to.
Sure, we'd all like to travel the world and enjoy our free moments on the golf course or walking along the beach. But in reality, we spend much of our time as a couple running errands. I believe we need to be with someone who makes those types of chores at least tolerable, if not downright pleasant.
Perhaps our fantasy lovers would never consider going to the market on a Saturday evening, spending a couple of weekends organizing the garage or clipping coupons from the Sunday paper -- and I doubt this is something Brad and Angelina have ever done. Since most of us aren't movie stars, however, we need to put our expectations into perspective.
We also need to realize it's a gift to have a loving companion who helps us endure the stresses of life with as little damage as possible.
Look at your partner again and think to yourself, "Wow, this person has really made the drudgery of daily living much easier." And then, remember to say it to him or her, for your loved one can never hear it enough.
Then thank your lucky stars that you've found someone who isn't going to demand that you fly them to the moon to make them happy. Our days go so quickly. Don't taint them by not appreciating the love you are fortunate enough to have.
I know that chasing down the blue-light special is far less enticing than relaxing on an exotic island but, in the end, most of our time is spent doing the little things. And doing them is so much easier when you have a sweetheart holding your hand as you meander through the aisles.
The most important thing in a good partner is that he or she will accept you for who you are and joyfully share in what the two of you are able to do and provide for, and with, each other.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples. Contact him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com. For more stories visit scrippsnews.com.
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