Tuesday, December 16, 2008

jokes

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Heather Locklear. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes!" cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You liar! That is not your wife!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Heather Locklear, You would have come up with Tara Reid. Then if I also said 'no' to her, You would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given all three to me. Lord, I am a poor man, and I am not able to take care of all three wives, so that's why I said 'yes' to Heather Locklear!"
The Moral of this story: Anytime a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reasons and for the benefit of others.



"Fine" -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
"Five Minutes" -- If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
"Nothing" -- This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".
"Go Ahead" -- This is a dare, not permission. Proceed with extreme caution!
Loud Sigh -- Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
"That's OK" -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
"Thanks" -- This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say "you're welcome" and back out of the room slowly.



A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Angus blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"



It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
54. Never to forget:
• birthdays
• anniversaries
• arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
Easy!
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food and beer.



Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health -- my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?


How Men Interpret Language
Category: Language & Men/Women
Jumbo Joke is a free service of This is True, featuring bizarre-but-true news items from the world's press. Check the site for archives and free subscriptions.
It's really very simple, once you get the hang of it. A few examples:
1. "I'm going fishing."
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
2. "It's a guy thing."
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
3. "Can I help with dinner?"
Translated: Why isn't it already on the table?
4. "Uh huh, sure honey." or, "Yes, dear."
Translated: (Means absolutely nothing -- it's a conditioned response.)
5. "It would take too long to explain."
Translated: I haven't the foggiest.
6. "I was listening to you. It's just ... I have lots of things on my mind."
Translated: Huh? I wasn't listening.
7. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
Translated: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
8. "That's interesting, dear."
Translated: Oh, are you still talking?
9. "You know how bad my memory is."
Translated: I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the license plate numbers of every car I've had. But I have no idea when your birthday is.
10. "I dunno ... I was just thinking about you, and when I saw these roses I just thought you'd like them."
Translated: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.
11. "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Translated: I've severed a limb, but I'll bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.
12. "I've got my reasons for what I'm doing".
Translated: ...and I sure hope I think of some soon.
13. "I can't find it."
Translated: It didn't fall into my out-stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
14. "What did I do this time?"
Translated: What did you catch me at?
15. "I heard you."
Translated: I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find that out.
16. "You know I could never love anyone else."
Translated: I am used to the way you yell at me, and I realize it could be worse.
17. "You look terrific."
Translated: Oh God, please don't try on any more clothes!
18. "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Translated: No human will ever see us alive again.



Gender Vocabulary
Category: Language & Men/Women
Jumbo Joke is a free service of This is True, featuring bizarre-but-true news items from the world's press. Check the site for archives and free subscriptions.
THINGY
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMITMENT
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
MAKING LOVE
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
ENTERTAINMENT
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
BUTT
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.



The Woman's Guide To Male English
Category: Men/Women
Jumbo Joke is a free service of This is True, featuring bizarre-but-true news items from the world's press. Check the site for archives and free subscriptions.
Make sure you catch The Man's Guide To Female English, too!
What He Says What He Means
I'm hungry I'm hungry
I'm sleepy I'm sleepy
I'm tired I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie I'd like to have sex with you later
Can I take you out to dinner? I'd like to have sex with you later
Can I call you sometime? I'd like to have sex with you later
May I have this dance? I'd like to have sex with you later
Nice dress! Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage I want to fondle you
What's wrong? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this
What's wrong? What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored Do you want to have sex?
I love you Let's have sex right now
I love you, too OK, I said it -- we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
I like that one better (while shopping) Pick any frigging dress and let's go home!




What She Says What She Means
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want You'll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
You're...so manly You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight! Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! I've got my period
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? I did something today you're not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt too big? Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate Just agree with me
Yes No
No No
Maybe No
I'm sorry You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix so you'd better get used to it
I'm not yelling! Yes I'm yelling because I think it's important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few purses, and those sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?




As I grow in age, I value women who are over 50 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 50 will not lay next to you in bed and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 50 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Women over 50 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.
A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 50+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 18-year-old waitress.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

On Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew about it.
On Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over. And two claimed that he was still there!



Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.
Man: So what do you do for a living?


Woman: Female impersonator.
Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
Man: I'd really like to get into your pants.
Woman: No thanks. There's already one ass in there.
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet.
Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! To pick up some chicks!
and...
Man: "Hi, I'm a millionaire!"
Woman: "Hi, I work for the IRS."


Why Men Can't Win
Category: Men/Women
Jumbo Joke is a free service of This is True, featuring bizarre-but-true news items from the world's press. Check the site for archives and free subscriptions.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist pig. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If you're totally beat after a hard day, you don't give a damn about other people's needs. If she's totally beat after a hard day, she's tired.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be "someone else".

Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are too.
The Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5:00 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer that all you do in the Marines before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad -- there's warm water.
A Marine Corps breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
As Marines we're expected to go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sargeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sargeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some.
The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bullseye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ol' bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Tammy Gail

Lying – A detailed information study

Men lie. I don’t know why.

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
Friedrich Nietzsche

WARNING: In this article the words "men" and "they" are not meant not include all men, just those who do what I'm accusing them of doing.

There's no denying, men lie. Not all men, but the ones who do, lie a lot. (Women lie, too, but we'll deal with them later).

The lies men tell vary from the mundane and ineffective - the ones other people see through immediately, men and women - to the truly creative. The odd thing is, they never seem to learn which lies work and which don't. I've often wondered if there isn't a book they all secretly own, and choose their lies from: Lies that Work, I always thought it might be called.

Some experts say men lie more than women do; others claim the opposite. Everybody lies. But why do men lie so much? Here are the top ten reasons men lie:

1. To get sex.

Men will definitely lie to get sex. I once saw an apparently homeless man on the street, with a signboard that read: "Will work for food. Will beg for sex."

Some men are so desperate that they'll tell outrageous lies that a 2-year old retarded deaf mute wouldn't believe. Some examples:

"You are so beautiful I can't believe it." (To a plain girl who has known what she looks like for years. Even given the fact that beauty is subjective, this isn't going to fly very often. And although he'll brag to his buddies that he scored, he'll also lie and claim you are a real beauty, otherwise, no points).

"I would love to get married to some nice girl." (Yeah, but he's not likely to. He's 48 and NEVER has been married. You have to ask yourself: Why now? Why me?)

"Married?! Who, me? Of course not, would I lie to you?"

Yes.

The most critical lie men tell is, beyond doubt: "I've been tested, and I'm clean."

Number Two: "You can't get pregnant, I've been fixed."

2. They love to, and in many incidences, they don't believe there's anything "wrong" with it. They don't believe they're really "lying if they withhold some of the truth."

Men are so accustomed to lying to other men (I'm convinced this starts in childhood) that it just seems natural for them to lie to women, too. Men lie to their co-workers; they get together in bars to drink and to lie to each other about their role in "the war," about their income, the amount of their debt, what their car will do, etc., etc. There seems to be some unwritten rule that "I won't call you on yours, if you don't call me on mine."

Some men feel it adds something to their appeal/image if they can put something over on someone. With women, it's part of the "chase," the "challenge" ("I told her she was the nicest woman I ever met, and she tipped right over backward - har! Har! HAR!") It's useless to hold this against them, or try to make them stop. Many just can't.

Men don't seem to think it's a lie if it's for a good cause: to avoid hurting someone's feelings, for example (especially their own), or to get sex (they believe they're entitled), or to get out of sex.

3. Despite their love of fighting and war, they will lie to avoid conflict.

Many men love nothing better than to play war-like video games, to watch or participate in sports, where violence and competition rule; they love the idea of going to war, especially when young (of course there are exceptions, some old men would still sign up if allowed to), but if their wife or girlfriend catches them in some nefarious activity, they'll lie like floor polish to save their own behinds.

Down at the level where they live, though, men hate conflict. One reason may be that most of them face enough stress and competition at work that when they get home, all they want to do is relax, eat, watch a little TV or play with the kids, go to bed, have sex and segue into sleep before the next breath is drawn. Wise women will bring up the broken oven, the next telephone bill and other unpleasant news in the morning, when the man is fresh and rested.

4. They will also lie to get out of an unpleasant task, or when pressure is put on them to do something they don't want to do.

Pressure must feel to men like a noose slowly tightening about their necks, they react so negatively to it (is that what made "nagging wives" such a cliché?) Women often react negatively also, but they are less likely to react violently. No one likes pressure put on them. It would certainly be helpful if men felt comfortable expressing their feelings in the first place, and secondly, in a non-destructive way. Many men act as though feelings are almost alien to them - something that women were born with, but they weren't.

My brother was once married to a lovely woman he adored. But after several years, she left him. He was devastated, shocked ("How could she?!") and angry, and came to me to cry on my shoulder. He couldn't understand why Leslie had left him. "I thought we were happy!," he cried. I questioned him about what he wanted out of the marriage, and he told me. It appeared that Leslie had met all his needs. "So what did Leslie want?" I asked. He looked blank. It turned out that he didn't know what Leslie wanted, had never known, and I suspected, didn't much care. Men who suppress their feelings cut off a wide avenue of connection, and when it happens they have no one to blame but themselves. Feelings are universal: the most isolated pygmy tribe in Africa or wherever they live knows what anger is, what it feels like, and sorrow, jealousy and the other major emotions.

5. A man who is insecure is more liable to lie, or do worse.

Insecurity is awful for anyone, but men in particular seem to be vulnerable to it. I know a man who is terribly insecure; he needs to know where his wife is every moment of the day. He doesn't get angry or violent over her activities; he just needs to know. If he lapses and does something he feels is wrong and will reflect badly on him in her eyes, he is apt to lie about it. Women also lie for this reason. No one enjoys being busted. I know another, single man who lies all the time, but only about one thing. His age. He is actually 54 but tells the women he dates that he's 45. Some of them believe him. These men put pictures of other men on the dating sites (and think they can get away with it!); they may even go so far as to doctor their driver's license, or cut 5-10 years of their history away like pruning a bush.

6. They lie online because they think no one can hold them accountable (they're forgetting their wife, and that there's software available that will tell her exactly what sites they've been visiting, what they're saying in their emails, etc.)

The great thing about the Internet is that you can disguise yourself easily and tell any lie that appeals to you (that's also one of its great detriments). Men have been known to engage a teenage girl in a chat room in order to try to persuade her (1) that he's about her age; (2) that she'd be perfectly safe with him; and (3) she'll be missing a lot if she refuses to meet him. This is execrable behavior but despite the fact that there are severe penalties under the law, they continue to do it.

7. They'll lie if they feel trapped, or that someone is trying to trap them.

No one likes feeling trapped, but again, men are likely to react more...shall we say intensely, especially if they suspect someone's trying to manipulate them into marriage. The old, tried-and-true method of claiming pregnancy doesn't work any more - men know about birth control, too. I know a woman who met a man on Wednesday, and moved in with him on Thursday. In the first flush of love (sex) he allowed it. Now, while she's telling everyone they're getting married soon, he's trying to figure out how to get rid of her, and in this case, he's sure to feel justified in lying to her.

8. They'll lie if you bust them, and they see war coming.

This is closely aligned with #3, but there are slight differences. Men seem to feel more of an obligation to be truthful with their wives, less so with their children or bosses, but almost none with everybody else. If the man has done something he knows his wife won't approve of, he'll lie extravagantly to ward off her anger, or worse, disappointment in him. The stories they come up with are in the very back of the book, labeled "If all else fails..." These include "I had a flat tire," "I met an old friend from college" (he's never been to college), and "I was out all night because I got drunk and fell asleep in the car" (he doesn't drink, and doesn't own a car). Doesn't matter, he'll still lie and expect his wife to believe him.

9. They'll lie because their wife or girlfriend is stupid, or they think she's stupid.

A friend of my husband's nearly every night would stay in town after work instead of going home to his wife, sometimes until midnight or one or two in the morning. When my husband asked how he could get away with this, he laughed. "My wife is so stupid," he said, "she thinks Superman is a real person. She believes everything I tell her." He's now divorced.

10. They'll lie maliciously, for money or some other gain.

Some men don't care who they hurt with their lies. Two men in Florida recently conned a local business owner out of $50,000. They told him treasure was buried on his property.

They'll lie to get access to your savings, making you think you are the woman he's been looking for all his life, etc., etc. His money is tied up in investments, blah, blah, so he needs to use yours. Some of these guys are married to two or three other women they have bilked. If you find yourself embarrassed, feeling defensive or meeting ridicule when you tell your girlfriends about him, that's the time to tie yourself to a lamp post and think this over. If he really loved you, you wouldn't have to tell your friends, they'd already know. A man who is really, truly interested in the woman herself is difficult to get rid of.

How can I tell if a man is lying?

My friend Gloria says, "Look at his lips - if they're moving, he's lying."

Seriously, though, there are a couple of ways to tell: you can watch his body language. If he has his arms folded across his chest, he's expecting trouble and will probably lie to avoid it. His feet point to the way he wants to go, so if he's pointing at the door, stand back. Body language is useful, study up on it.
But mainly, pay attention to what he does. "Actions speak louder than words," and they also speak more honestly. When you first meet a man, he'll show you his best side, describe his accomplishments (sometimes borrowed from others), and shower you with attention, or even gifts. This slowly fades the longer you know him, and sooner or later he'll show you his shabby, under-the-rock side. This is the time when you'll make the decision whether to go on or not. With some men, it will take a year, with others, a few months will do it. Don't be home if those call back (and they always do).

The more you know about how and why men lie the better prepared you will be to deal with it when it happens to you!

Why Men Lie: Top 3 Reasons

By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.

I decided to go straight to the horse’s mouth this time girls and ask a group of men I know straight out the top three reasons why they think men lie to women, and then why they personally have lied to women themselves. I found their answers very honest, enlightening and I think you will too. I also found it very interesting that more than one of the men stated different reasons for why he believes men lie in general and why he has lied himself.
Here is what Mark a 28 year old technical writer had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie In General:
1) For Sex
2) To Avoid Conflict
3) To Avoid Doing Something He Doesn’t Want To Do


My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I don’t know that I’ve ever lied outright for sex. Hmmm. Probably. Hard to believe that I haven’t.
2) If I’ve forgotten to do something, but I can do it before the lie can be found out, and I’m dealing with someone who will get bent out of shape, I’ll lie. Note that I’ll only do this with women who take it personally that I forgot and who will whine and get offended.
3) For number 3, this is a catch all: “I have to work late” to get out of some thing or another. Though, if I’ve said I have to work late, I do then generally work late. I don’t say I have to work late, then go do something else. Also, if I’ve already committed, I don’t then bag out at the last minute unless I really have to work late.
Jeff, a 32 year old grad student thinks his reasons concur with those of men in general:
My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I lied because I did something wrong and I didn’t want to face up to it
2) I lied because I felt roped into a commitment
3) I lied because I didn’t want to worry her
Here’s some very honest and insightful views from Brett, a 36 year old P.R. executive in Los Angeles had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) Because they’re insecure. They’d never get the date if they admitted they were 5’6” or made less than $30,000 a year, so they figure they’ll “fudge” the truth and hopefully she’ll fall for him for all the other reasons women fall for men (that covers pretty much everything, by the way – as most things fall under the umbrella of insecurity). Alas, she won’t.
2) Because they have something to hide. This is another form of insecurity, since the truth often hurts. For example, if you’re married and looking for a fling, you’re most likely not going to admit to being married. Pretty much anything that will prevent one from getting a date will be glossed over for obvious reasons. Why tell someone you’re on Prozac? Or that your last relationship was emotionally abusive? Or that you’re fifty pounds overweight but “working on it”? This is what I call “bad truth”. You’re not lying, but you’re not giving full disclosure either. It makes sense – it just doesn’t end well in most cases.
3) Because they can. You’re not immediately accountable for anything when you’re hiding behind a computer screen and a fictitious username. Lying allows people to play out their fantasies and act more powerful than real life allows them to. Again it makes logical sense, but people adopting different personas online only set themselves up for failure in real life.


My Reasons For Lying To Women:
It may sound like a lie, but I never lie online. You need a healthy ego to be yourself in full, but the rewards are that no one will ever feel deceived when they meet you. I don’t disclose my income, or mention my dislikes at all – because why alienate anyone? Probably my most common non-disclosure is the don’t ask/don’t tell policy of dating multiple people. Women I’ve met often breach that by discussing their date last night or their upcoming date. I think it’s safe to assume most people are dating multiple people – there’s no value to mentioning it, however.
Usually it's just to stay on even ground. Women are more deceitful in "dating situations." and even though they say they are not dating others, they usually have more opportunity and will play the field more often. I find that too taxing and usually date one at a time. But I frequently, well, in the past, have found that women (LA women let's say) are not just dating to find a better match - they are dating multiples to find the best "deal" among them. When I discover this type of woman, Oh, let's call her a gold-digger for old times sake, I feel no compunction to tell the truth, but usually only lie for fun cause they won't be around me for very much longer anyway...
Here’s what Sam a 33 year old special effects wizard had to say:
I would imagine that all people lie because they are attempting to avoid confrontations that they know would arise if they told the truth. With that in mind this isn’t always a bad thing, but there is a fine line between what might be considered acceptable avoidance and deception. So, here are three examples spanning that range…
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) You're asked a leading question by your partner with no right answer. Example: Ex – Do you think she’s hotter than me? Am I fat? Etc…
2) You’re asked a question in which telling the truth will be to no ones benefit assuming that your actions are within reason. Example: Girlfriend “Were you drinking last night?” Guy “Yes” Girlfriend “Who were you with last night?” Guy “Mike” Girlfriend “Did you get a lap dance?” Guy “Yes”. If my girlfriend doesn’t want me drinking, hanging out with certain friends, or getting lap dances you’ll have shit to deal with, when the reality of these things is that they’re probably harmless in moderation.
3) You’re doing something devious and are totally busted like “What’s up with those charges from the Bunny Ranch” or “What are these hundreds of hours of phone calls to this number?”

Why Men Lie and Women Cry
By Lorraine Pirihi

I've just finished reading a great book by Allan and Barbara Pease entitled "Why Men Lie and Women Cry". A true and humorous account of the differences between the sexes and full of practical ways to communicate effectively.
I've enjoyed the book so much and felt it will be of great benefit to all of you that I just had to write up an extract from it:
Women Talk, Talk and Talk
" When a woman talks she often uses indirect speech. This means she hints at what she wants or infers things.
Women's indirect speech has a purpose - it builds relationships and rapport with other by avoiding aggression, confrontation or discord.
When women use indirect speech with other women there is seldom a problem - women are sensitive to picking up the real meaning. It can, however be disastrous when used on men.
Men Take Words Literally
Men use direct speech and take words literally. They find women's lack of conversational structure and purpose very disconcerting, and accuse women of not knowing what they're talking about. They respond by saying things like "What's the point here?" "Where is this conversation going?" and "What's the bottom line?"
Men then proceed to talk to a woman as if she is a mental patient or will cut her off by saying "We've been over this a dozen times", "How much longer will this take?" and "This conversation is too much hard work and isn't going anywhere!"
Indirect Talk In Business
When a woman uses indirect speech in business, it can prove problematic because men may have difficulty following a multi-tracked, indirect conversation.
Men need to be presented with clear , logical, organised ideas and information before they will make a decision. A woman can have her ideas and requests rejected purely because her male boss didn't have a clue what she really wanted.
Marie's Story
After six months of negotiations, Marie finally won the chance to present her company's new advertising program to a big financial client. The audience would be eight men and four women, the account up for grabs was worth $200,000, and she had 30 minutes to sell her story.
As she started into her presentation, however, she noticed how blankly the men were regarding her. She felt they were judging her critically and, assuming they were losing interest, she began to multi-track her presentation to try to spur their interest by going back to previous slides, talking indirectly and trying to show how one related to the other.
The women were giving her encouragement by smiling at her, using various facial expressions and making listening sounds like, "Uh huh", "Right!" and "Mmmmm" and generally looking interested.
Marie was excited by the women's feedback and started pitching her story to them, unintentionally ignoring the men. Her entire presentation became a juggling act. She finished and departed, convinced she'd done a great job and eagerly waited for the company's response.
Here's the conversation that took place between the male executives over coffee after Marie had gone:
Marketing Director: "Do you guys have an idea in hell c what she was talking about?".
Chief Executive: "No…she lost me. Tell her to sent the proposal in writing."
Marie had multi-tracked her presentation and used indirect talk with a group of men who didn't have a clue what she was talking about or what related to what. The women executives were happy with the presentation and had participated by asking questions but no man wanted to raise his hand and admit he didn't understand.
A woman needs to understand that if a man doesn't follow what she's saying he'll often pretend he understands rather than look stupid.
Regardless of a man's age, a woman still needs to talk with direct speech. Give him timetables, agenda, bottom line answers and deadlines.
Women need to be direct with men in business and give them one thing at a time to consider. Marie is still waiting for an answer…
"Why Men Lie and Women Cry, Allan and Barabara Pease info@pease international.com
The Final Word
This week I focused on women communicating with men, however there is heaps of great tips in the book to help you guys get along better with the fairer sex. .
I highly recommend you invest in "Why Men Lie and Women Cry". We've even been able to talk Barbara and Allan Pease into making a special offer to our subscribers (see page 2). I'm certain you'll discover some gems you can action immediately and dramatically improve your communications with the opposite sex.
About The Author
Lorraine specializes in working with businesspeople showing them how to dramatically boost their productivity, reduce the stress and the mess in their lives and have more time for enjoying their life. www.office-organiser.com.au, lorraine@office-organiser.com.au
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lorraine_Pirihi


Why do Men Lie? As featured in Womens World Australia March 2000
This handy reference guide to men's most frequent lies should help you see right through them and enable you to enjoy a sincere, honest and mutually satisfying relationship. If that is possible!
When it comes to doing household chores, men will often employ a crafty twofold lie and say, "I said I'll do it, so I'll do it." This implies that not only are they going to "do" whatever it is they are obviously never going to do, but that their word is their bond - another lie. Men would rather be honest, but saying "Not now, I'm staring into space" wouldn't have the desired effect. I've tried both, and I swear by the first one. Just like
women, men usually lie about how many people they have slept with. But, unlike women, men rarely trot out the same number twice. A man will exaggerate or underestimate, depending on the number of men he thinks the woman he's lying to has slept with.
Men usually lie to women about being wild in their youth. However, his story about the harrowing night he spent in the police cells is just a sad exaggeration of the time he was caught stealing a pencil and sharpener from Coles and cried like a baby until his mum picked him up.
A lot of the lies that men tell are nothing more than harmless vanity, but some can be downright dangerous. Watch out for bluffs like, "I'm a strong swimmer" and "Of course I know how to sail a boat." Avoid any scenario where you might have to rely on these dubious talents.
Men usually lie about how hard they work. They have always been experts at stretching two hours out into an eight hour day. In the old days, men lied to their wives about their grueling day, so they could lock themselves in the study and read Playboy instead of having to clean the barbecue grill. Now men not only have to lie to their wives, but to their female bosses as well.
When it's time for the end of a romantic relationship, male duplicity kicks into fifth gear. Even if he wants out, he'll do or say anything to make it seem like you're leaving him. Later, he'll call to say he can't live without you - usually when he discovers you've taken all the sheets.
A man who has cheated on you will lie about it well past the point of all rationality because, in hip mind, he has nothing to gain by telling the truth. Even when presented with incontrovertible evidence, a man will try to wriggle out of it - saying things like, "Oh dear, my evil twin must have escaped from prison again."
"I'm not drunk." This one's pretty obvious, especially as it usually sounds like "I'm nmmg dmgthph."
There is no reason to say you're not drunk - unless you are very drunk indeed.
When a man says he's thinking about giving up his career and opening a little bar on a beach in Fiji, he's not necessarily lying: he may really mean it, he may even do it. But he is lying when he says he'll take you with him.
When a man says sex with his ex-girlfriend was crap, he is lying. When he tells you sex with his ex was fantastic, he is lying again. Sex for men is one of life's constants: it's always pretty good.

From Charles Stanley -- Telling It Like It Is – John 9:13-25
The blind man willingly answered questions about his healing, no matter who asked. As a result, he received many different responses.
Neighbors argued over the truth of his story. They demanded to know how he received sight. The man honestly explained what happened. He said a man named Jesus gave him some instructions. When he obeyed, he was healed. The neighbors couldn’t deny what had happened. But they had trouble accepting his story because they couldn’t understand it. Today, the world still does the same thing. What they can’t explain, they try to deny.
The Pharisees also questioned how the blind man could see. In John 9:15, the man said, “He applied clay to my eyes, and I washed, and I see.” These leaders refused to believe him because they didn’t want to accept Jesus. They questioned the man a second time. And he simply repeated his testimony. He said, “I was blind, now I see” (John 9:25). They rejected his words again, refusing to change their beliefs. In the same way, some people reject God’s truth and cling to their own interpretation of the facts.
The blind man’s parents backed down when they were confronted by the Pharisees. They were afraid of the authorities, so they refused to tell the truth. Fear of someone’s reaction can keep us from speaking about our transformed life.


Men Love To Lie
By Heidi Muller
Every man who landed on this article knows why he's here. He isn't here to read a woman's point of view on dating. He isn't here to inform himself about what goes on in the mind of the opposite sex (men are convinced they have that one figured out, how wrong can they be?). And, he isn't here because his girlfriend e-mailed him this article.

Every man who is here, is here because he wants to read about the single thing all men have in common: their love of lying. Chances are, the men who are here are looking for anything that will validate their favorite pastime. Validation means they have an excuse to keep doing it.
liar, liar...
When I mean lying, I don't only mean lying to other women. Men will lie to each other with impunity about anything and everything under the sun, from the number of women he has slept with and his "alleged" size, to how much he bench presses at the gym.

Let's put the theory on the table. Men love to lie, but they are absolutely horrible at it. Women rarely lie, but when they do, it's a story so good that it could be the basis for 100 episodes of a Spanish soap opera.

You see, men who date have to lie. Part of the reason is that women force men to lie. An attractive woman comes down the street, and a man better say she's ugly and full of cellulite, or face the wrath of the dreaded Gucci handbag on the head.

Your woman put on a few extra pounds, you better say that she's in the best shape of her life, or else buying that handy bottle of hand lotion is as exciting as your love life is going to be for the next few weeks.

But beyond the faults women might have, men don't always have to lie. Yet they do as instinctively as they grab their privates on an hourly basis. Lies just shoot out of men's mouths with the ferocity of a machine gun.

These lies are often at the tip of their tongues, ready for any situation, and often so full of holes that they make Swiss cheese look like a water dam.
...pants on fire
Case in point: a girlfriend of mine came home earlier than usual to find her boyfriend in his underwear, with used condoms on the floor. Before she even had time to ask what was going on, the internal alarm inside of her boyfriend's head had concocted a story and spat it out.

His is a classic. He basically said that he was masturbating and decided to put on a condom so he can have anal sex with himself.

Right.

Beyond the mere physical impossibility of such a disgusting event even happening, why did he even leave the condoms around?

Laziness? Probably -- men are lazier than their Lazy-Boy chairs. More likely though, he figured the effort necessary to lie would be less than getting up from the couch, picking up the used condoms and putting them in the trash.

That's quite a bit of work when all you have to do is say you just became intimately acquainted with your "inner" self.

It's not entirely men's faults. They are raised to lie from the moment they are born. Protect your family and lie about bad things; lie about how you really wanted to cry during Forrest Gump ; lie about your age so you can buy the cheapest wine the 7-11 has to offer.
lying for a living
Is it a coincidence that men hold the majority of jobs that involve lying? Politics, government agencies, courtroom lawyers, plastic surgeons, psychiatrists -- who calls the shots?

Not that all men lie, of course not. But from experience (and 99% of women will back me up on this), the only men who don't lie are those devoted to their religion, gay, or have had their tongue removed.

Now let's turn the tables. Men lie often, but most times these are harmless lies that are said to protect their ego more than anything. Women have ulterior motives.
women's fib
Women hate lying. But unlike men, when they have to, they carefully craft a maze of stories, alibis and twists & turns that makes a Stanley Kubrick movie look like a children's TV show.

If men were a little smarter, they would figure out when a woman is lying. Here are some clues to let you know when a woman is spinning a wicked web (hint, hint, it's learning time).

my guy is the best in the world but oh my god he lies to me about the stupidest of things little white lies like last week he told me he was going to football training and to call over after i found out the following day he hadn't gone at all he went to look at some soccer match with his freind what was the point of that lie it made little difference to my life what he was doing that evening so why would he feel the need to lie

My friend was dating this guy who seemed so sweet and nice .. he used to do the sweetest things for her .. she use to always tell me how she had a feeling that he was lying to her all the time .. about everything and she didn’t know why. we ended up finding out that everything about him was a lie .. The car he drove, The job he had , Where he use to say he was at, He was also lying to his friends to make himself look good, I understand guys lie to us because in part we do put a lot pf pressure... Some of us wouldn’t date a guy with out a car , but we also wouldn’t want the guy to keep up a lie... at the end my friend found out he was picking her up in a car that he had borrowed from a girl he was dating.... I’m sorry but that was just too much .... That’s not having any kind of DIGNITY of MORALS!!!! so Men! QUIT LYING!!!!

Men lie to cover up their weak masculinity & they just want to appear interesting if they have a job here & there assigned . If they talk about career & so on ...also a way to escape if the girl will be too much clingy & they don't want too much responsibility ....a smart woman should know this .I can only give them a pity . Aside, they lie because they have such illness & wanted to be alone to take a rest & cured , it doesn't sound sexy to tell about sickness especially we are in a long distance & haven't see each other for many months ....save your drama to your mama !!!!!!!!

Nina1 - Thank you so much. Wow this sure sounds familiar! My sister met this man on the internet after emailing for several years. He brought her a computer - which he said he built himself. Every single time they had an argument, mysteriously the computer would pop up with a problem where she had to call the liar up. He knew things before she even told them to him. He also knew the high morals of our family. After some time, she began to listen to her gut feeling - because she knew something was not quite right with this whole scenario. We called up a good friend of ours, who is extremely dynamite on the computer. He found a Keylogging System, and Spyware installed on the computer. My sister did not inform the liar/stalker about it right away. She used the “conundrum” method. Knew immediately from his answers. Ladies if you ever want to find out what your man is up to and get the truth, (since this word does not fit into their vocabulary) type in their screen name into any search engine on the internet. My sister found certain groups online her boyfriend belonged to, which I am not going to list. He had a personal ad placed within the timeframe of the relationship. Everything he posted was all lies. Everything from day one was a lie. Ever have your man tell you he is going for a walk early in the AM, to call his mother, to return hours later… that this is his daily ritual? We know men have close relationships with their mothers, this was slightly overboard. He even used his mommy to fight his battles because he was too afraid to speak the truth. In the end, my sister is very happy to get rid of him.

My ex lied so much I am now finding it hard to reconcile when he may have told the truth throughout our relationship. Did he really love me like he said? At all? It's the hardest thing but as women we have to create a world that makes it safe for the man to tell the truth. We also need to be prepared to hear something we don't like and deal with it in a non-destructive way. We either have to decide we're going to live with it or walk away. Men need to learn how to embrace consequences of telling the truth without fear. If you don't love her anymore .. why stay and why lie about it? It's not going to do either of you any good. I agree that there is too much availability and not enough control in relationships today. Heck! Us girls need to learn not to give it up so easy and make HIM work hard to know you before he beds you. And this has to be universal otherwise he can easily walk away into some other woman's bed who is a little more carefree and loose about bedding men. I remember hearing somewhere if you want to know how a relationship is going to end .. look how it begun. I find this to be very true in my experience. The times when I've been an 'easy catch' the relationship has just as easily dissolved. The times when I have been more reticent and fussy has produced a more sincere and committed guy. Go figure? I just want to say to the guys who ready this - lying really, really hurts us girls. When we find one it then leads us to be unsure about everything else that comes out of your mouth. If you love her and respect her as a person - sit her down and tell her the truth even if you know it's going to hurt her like hell. She deserves no less and you need to be prepared for the consequences. If you really want the relationship to survive in the aftermath then you need to prove it to her with actions - NOT WORDS. Show her how much you love her. Take care to notice the trouble she goes to for you whether it's her appearance, the meals she cooks, the shirt she bought you - whatever. Girls - when he tells you the truth know that it took him a lot of courage to do it and try not to get hysterical because he slept with your best friend. I know you want to turn him into a frog and tear HER hair out but what is that going to do at the end of the day? It's going to drive him away faster than hare being chased by a cougar and it's going to revalidate to him that he was right for wanting to let you go in the first place. We have to keep our heads and know that if he's not the one - someone else is. Good luck everyone.

lies and alibis
Clue No. 1
The Unnecessary Phone Call
She calls you unexpectedly requesting as much information about your whereabouts and what your future schedule is for the rest of the day.
Will she sound suspicious?
Not really, she'll smoothen out all her answers with what she will do to you tomorrow .
What is she really trying to do?
She's trying to gage how much of an alibi she needs and where you were during the day to prevent you from bluffing later about knowing her whereabouts.

Clue No. 2
The Reversal
She does something out of the ordinary, and when you ask her about it, she turns it around and makes it a question about trust, and how you have no right to question her.
What is she really doing?
Rather conveniently, she has put the thing men dread on the table; the talk about "feelings". There is no better way to divert suspicion than to get a man into a tête-à-tête about trust.
End result?
He won't ask another question, and she just got away with going out to lunch with that cute Italian guy.

Clue No. 3
The Affection Level Is Too High
Is there anything more suspicious than when a woman suddenly starts kissing you like you were Bob Barker from The Price Is Right ?
What's going on?
The beginning of a cover-up that rivals JFK's assassination.
What did she do wrong?
Something very, very bad. Or she's pregnant.

Clue No. 4
The Look
What look? The look that she's mad -- very deeply mad. The type of mad that reads "I am justified in everything I just lied/or will lie about." This is a variation of Clue 2.
What's the tactic?
Men cannot deal with women that are mad. Any clues about the lie or screw-ups can be blamed on anger, emotions and hurt. Talk about an alibi.
Are men helpless?
Yes.
take this lying down
Women hate lying, they do it only out of necessity. Men love it; it gives them validation to their illusions of grandeur. Women do it like professionals; men do it with amateurish results.

Will anything change? No. Will men ever lie like women? No, too much work. Should you take any part of this article seriously? No, you should take it as an insight into the minds of women, and read it with a wink. A little light and fun reading never hurt anyone.

Happy lies!


Top 10: Reasons Men Lie To Women
By Shawn Croft
No matter what you preach, sometimes you just gotta lie. For better or worse, it is a fundamental part of our lives that may not be moral, but still remains. There are many, many different cases in life where telling your woman the truth only gets you into trouble. But if you could somehow manage to say something that doesn't hurt her, you're in the clear. Hey, it's better than revealing what you really did last night.

As the more "rational" sex (or so we tell ourselves), men can usually see the bigger picture. And white lies serve to leapfrog over all the yelling, petty explanations and frustration. Lying helps to avoid the emotional blowup over a small incident that we know is really insignificant.

So to further prove my point, here are ten reasons why sometimes, lying is the best way to go:
Number 10

Think of the alternative. If you tell your girlfriend you got toasted with the guys last night instead of preparing for that nice weekend in Vermont, she'll flip. Oftentimes, girlfriends are simply too sensitive to accept the fact that you held your own and did something your way. You'd be wise to realize that you'd save yourself and your woman a lot of time and pain by blurting a little lie instead.
Number 9

Throw in a few lies about how much that tennis bracelet really cost and it's a lot simpler than saying you had to take out a loan to please her. Why put yourself through a lot of discussion when you can simply end it by saying what she wants to hear? Both parties are happy, and no one gets hurt.
Number 8

Usually, a great part of being the "man" in a relationship is having control. Often, even if they don't directly admit it, some women like being submissive, letting you take command. If this is the case, who can blame you for twisting a story your way in order to assert power? That's right, you did think of setting up that romantic dinner all by yourself...
Number 7

When you arrive late to an important dinner at a nice restaurant, are you really going to tell her that the game went into overtime? It's more amusing and also lifesaving to say you pulled over to help an elderly woman with a flat tire or, more realistically, a policeman flagged you down for a busted taillight. Again, by stating that you were in a situation either beyond your control or in which someone was in need of your assistance, the blame spins away from you and you get showered with happiness that you made it.
Number 6

In a relationship that has recently become serious, the last thing you want to do is let her down and destroy all that trust that has taken you months to build. In lying about why you missed her important family gathering, you still maintain your integrity. That is not to say that this is like baseball, however: In this situation, it's two strikes and you're out. You have one "get out of jail free" card and that's it.

You're scared of her, admit it...
Number 5

Sure, you could stay up all night arguing about what you really meant when you said she was looking "thick" today, but you could end it right now if you bust out some truth twisting. When you're in a sticky situation, escaping with something made up will leave you untainted. This is not limited to romantic relationships, but can also be useful with any over-observant co-worker, mother-in-law or even parole officer.
Number 4

Admit it. Somehow, somewhere, you took a wrong turn and got "whipped," unlike the "empowered" guy in number eight. Now you've dug yourself a hole and although she keeps saying that she'd rather hear the truth than a story, you know she'll go nuts on this one. Out of sheer fright, you must lie to save the relationship. It is not an option, but a duty. You like this woman a lot? Then one little white lie won't hurt.
Number 3

The main reason for being dishonest is not for kicks, but to save your woman a world of heartache. You would never do it in an extreme situation, I hope. When asked "Am I fat?" or "Does this orange lipstick go with my purple dress?" it's actually a trap waiting for you to get tied up in. Of course, she wants you to be truthful, but she'll be hurt if you say what you're really feeling. In this case, a short complimentary answer is in order. In doing this, you'll be boosting her self-confidence and avoiding a full day of the "silent treatment."
Number 2

When an important commitment comes up that you cannot bring yourself to attend (one of her many friends' housewarming parties), you can make like Houdini and disappear behind a tiny lie. When an important Sunday church service lands on the same day as the NFL playoffs, you know what to do. Grin and bear it next week, but say you need to stay in bed this time due to a stomachache. She'll be glad you still want to go and will surely make an exception this time.
Number 1

Just like reverse psychology, lying is a tool men want, nay, need in their arsenal when facing a mood-changing, confusing woman. Whether on a first date or while enduring your one-year anniversary, one could delicately talk himself up. Picking up girls at clubs or bars requires a bit of this lying ability, aside from being debonair and having a bank of good lines.
choose your lies carefully
While lying is an important facet of a man's game, it is always done for good. Properly used, no one will end up hurt and you can move on. This is the key. White lies should be in your "reserves," but nothing more. It is in our nature to use these devices to please and if she is none the wiser, why stop? Just remember; once you're caught lying, you may end up on the whipped side of the spectrum, or worse, alone.

Male Psychology

In his classic book, The Season's of a Man's Life (1985, Knopf, New York), Daniel J. Levinson outlines a series of development stages which he feels are universal to the life experience of all men. The stages are outlined in the slide below.

He argues than men go through major life phases. Within these phases are times of stability, generally lasting about 6-10 years and transitional periods which may last about 4-5 years. The primary task of every stable period is to build a life structure, to make key choices, form a structure around them and to pursue goals and values within this structure. This may be a tranquil or stressful times as options are weighed and choices made. A transitional period terminates existing life structures and creates the possibility for a new one. "The primary tasks of every transition period are to question and reappraise the existing structure, to explore the various possibilities for change in self and world, and to move toward a commitment to crucial choices that form a basis for a new life structure in the ensuing stable period."
(The Seasons of a man’s life
70
65 late adult transition
60 ending middle adulthood
55 age 50 transition
50 entering middle adulthood
45 mid-life transition
40 settling down
33 age 30 transition
28 entering the adult world
22 early adult transition
As men complete a development phase called "settling down", they enter into a life period which Levinson calls "Becoming One's Own Man" (age 36-39). A man becomes a senior member in his own world, he speaks with his own voice, and he has a greater measure of authority. He carries the burden of greater responsibilities and pressures. He gives up more of the "little boy within". Hopefully, he fulfills his "Dream." Many men do not complete this settling down in terms which are satisfactory to them. They do not achieve their "Dream", they find themselves trapped in dead end occupations, their marriages are no longer the Hollywood fantasy of perfection and they enter into Mid-life with unresolved developmental issues. Others, while quite successful in their lives, still struggle with the new developmental tasks of mid-life since this is perfectly normal. He will still ask "what have I done with my life? What do I really get from and give to my wife, family friends, etc.?" He yearns for a life in which his actual desires, values, talents and aspirations can be expressed (and often he doesn't know what they are). Much of this developmental turmoil may be "below the surface" since many men are only marginally aware of their own disquietude and/or do not communicate what is really happening to others. However, it breaks through in strange ways and behaviors-- often being precipitated by acute crises or events in his life. Since clinical depression is a common hallmark of repressed anger, ambivalence, and unresolved inner turmoil, a typical characteristic of this time in a man's life is depression which clinically appears far differently in man than women.
A man has several major tasks to work on during this transition. Awareness of this by others may provide one tool for assistance so that this transition is not too destructive.
He must terminate early adulthood. He has to review and reappraise this era of his life.
He often has to discover who he really his-- not the "self" of social expectations, parental scripts, corporate environments, etc. He may begin to modify negative elements of his existing life structure. This may require experimentation and even failures until the redefinition is clear.
He has to deal with the polarities of his life. There are:
Young/Old--the mid-life male is caught between poles. "Young" symbolizes birth, growth, possibility, initiation, openness, energy, and potential. "Old" symbolizes termination, fruition, stability, completion, and death. Young can be heroic, fragile, and impulsive. Old can be senile, tyrannical, and unconnected. The task of mid-life is to reintegrate these poles-- to seek new energy for creation but with wisdom and balance. One of the major problems here can be the inappropriate "quest for immortality" and all the destructiveness this can lead to. Another aspect of this polarity is man's quest for a "Legacy"-- what he passes on to the next generation. This may take the form of satisfaction from children, work with charitable organizations, mentoring, recognition for professional work etc.
Destruction/Creation--as a man reviews his life, he becomes aware of how destructiveness everywhere inhibits creativity. He needs to understand the destructiveness in his own life.. He needs to take responsibility for his own destructive capabilities. He needs to resolve issues of guilt, ambivalence, old anger, and grief over lost opportunities. A man's new creativity in middle adulthood comes in part with the relationship with his own destructiveness and from intensification of the loving, life-affirming aspects of self.
Masculine/Feminine--these polarities-- strength vs. weakness
Attachment/Separation-- to be attached is to be engaged, involved, rooted, plugged in. To be separated is to be more deeply involved in one's inner world. Separateness promotes creative adaptation and inner growth. During the mid-life transition, men need to reduce their heavy involvement in the external world. To do the work of re-appraisal and dis-illusionment, he must turn inward. As he leaves the dependencies of his earlier life (and this may be a very negative and destructive act), he forms a more universal sense of good and evil driven by his own newly emerging values as opposed to that of the community. He strives to find a better balance between needs of self and needs of society. With increased self caring and self awareness comes self development and integrity.

Levinson states that as the mid-life transition begins to resolve and reintegration of the Self occurs, that the man effects changes in three components of the life structure:
The "Dream"--this symbolizes youth, omnipotence, illusion, inspiration, and heroic drama. At mid-life, this imagery needs to be modulated and the conflicts engendered by this resolved.
Mentoring--As the man gives up the "Dream", so he also gives up being mentored, He must accept the loss and disappointment of being ejected from the youthful generation. He much become the mentor and derive satisfaction from furthering the development of younger men and women--facilitating their efforts to form and live out their own Dreams. Mentoring involves altruism, self-rejuvenation, and creativity. The hazards of inappropriate control, exploitation, jealousy, and excessive involvement are well known.
Marriage--A man may come to recognize that his marriage was flawed from the start. As he comes to know himself better, he comes to know his wife as a real person. He needs to either recommitment to his marriage on new terms and, in doing that, accept some responsibility for his own motivation and character or enter into a new primary relationship. Obviously issues with the Young/Old polarity create major problems here.
So, where does a couple in struggling with the throes of a man's mild-life tumult go. For a few reflections, please see .
Perhaps the principal reason male menopause has never been in the public spotlight is because men who experience the characteristic decline in virility during middle age are reluctant or even unwilling to acknowledge the condition. In fact, in many instances, this condition goes untreated until the male's spouse or companion brings it to the attention of a physician. The Institute of Endocrinology and Reproductive Medicine now offers a comprehensive treatment program for male menopause, a condition that received scant attention from the medical establishment, the media or from the men it affects-- at least until Viagra was released in the Spring of 1998. Dr. Karpas first published research on this subject in 1977, and he has done extensive research on the effects of aging on male hormone levels ever since.
Symptoms
The symptoms of male menopause are not as overwhelming as the wholesale changes women experience, and male menopause does not affect all men. Approximately 40% of men in their 40s, 50s and 60s will experience some degree of lethargy, depression, increased irritability, mood swings, and difficulty in attaining and sustaining erections that characterize male menopause. For these individuals, such unanticipated physical and psychological changes can be cause for concern or even crisis. Without an understanding partner, these problems may result in a powerful combination of anxieties and doubts, which can lead to total impotence and sexual frustration. A recent aging study surveyed 1700 middle-aged men from the greater Boston area. According to their reports, 51% of normal, healthy males age 40 to 70 experience some degree of impotence - defined as a persistent problem attaining and maintaining an erection rigid enough for sexual intercourse. This problem cannot be attributed to the aging process alone, however, because well over 40% of males remain sexually active at 70 years of age and beyond.
CAUSES
Although the causes of male menopause have not been fully researched, some factors that are known to contribute to this condition are hormone deficiencies, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking, hypertension, prescription and non-prescription medications, poor diet, lack of exercise, poor circulation, and psychological problems. The few doctors who profess to be experts in this area have widely divergent opinions. However, all of the experts do agree that a general decline in male potency at mid-life can be expected in a significant proportion of the male population.
TESTOSTERONE
Many endocrinologists and scientists who have pioneered hormone studies say the phenomenon of male menopause correlates with a decline in testosterone levels. Testosterone is the hormone that stimulates sexual development in the male infant, bone and muscle growth in man and is responsible for sexual drive. Dr. Karpas and other experts have found that even in healthy men, by the age of 55, the amount of testosterone secreted into the bloodstream is significantly lower than it was just ten years before. In fact, by age 80, most male hormone levels have decreased to pre-puberty levels. Low testosterone has been found to cause fatigue, depression, loss of concentration, as well as decreased muscle strength and endurance. Testosterone is more important in libido or sex drive than in the erectile mechanism. Men with low testosterone levels will have problems with erections.
HEART DISEASE
Despite the apparent correlation between decreasing hormone levels and decreasing virility, many urologists question the importance of hormones. After examining the results of an aging study, one of the study's principal investigators questioned the evidence of a relationship between a mild deficiency of testosterone and impotence. Other conditions such as obesity, hypertension, smoking, and high cholesterol - all of which are factors contributing to heart disease are also known to contribute to impotence. Impotence is often primarily a vascular problem resulting in a loss of elasticity in the arteries - a condition causing poor circulation and impairing blood flow. Healthy circulation and blood flow are necessary to maintain an erection. The aging study bears out this thesis. Nearly two-thirds of 40 year old men diagnosed with heart disease exhibited at least moderate impotence.
DRUGS
A wide variety of drugs have also been shown to increase the probability of impotence. While a very small amount of alcohol may not impair sexual performance for most men, alcohol in general can create problems for men of middle age and beyond. The immediate effect of alcohol to increase vasodilatation which makes it more difficult for the body to send blood to the penile tissues. The long term effects of excessive alcohol use are more dangerous. Tissue samples from patients with chronic alcoholism (10 or 15 years of heavy drinking) demonstrate that prolonged alcohol abuse causes irreversible damage to the nerves inside the penis.
As devastating as alcohol can be, many doctors cite smoking as the major cause of male sexual dysfunction. In addition to its other detrimental effects, smoking also damages the tiny blood vessels in the penis that must enlarge to accept the substantial onrush of blood during an erection.
Hypertension and the medications for hypertension (beta blockers) also significantly increase the chances of impotence. A patient may have to try several different drugs before finding one that controls blood pressure but does not affect potency. Other prescription and non-prescription medications that increase the incidence of impotence include but are not limited to antidepressants, especially Prozac and Zoloft, diuretics, antihistamines, antispasmodics, digestive medicines and cold and flu remedies.
DIET AND EXERCISE
The importance of proper diet and regular exercise cannot be discounted. The aging study produced the first evidence that cholesterol level is related to impotence. In fact, high levels of HDL (the "good" cholesterol) were significantly associated with reduced levels of impotence. A healthy diet low in saturated fat and sugars, coupled with regular exercise has been shown to play a significant role in lowering cholesterol levels, maintaining testosterone levels, increasing libido and boosting self image. In fact, throughout the life cycle, men who exercise regularly report greater sexual drives and greater sexual satisfaction than sedentary men.
DIAGNOSING IMPOTENCE
In case where impotence has been diagnosed, it is important to determine whether the cause is principally physical or psychological. One reliable test is to check nocturnal penile tumescence - the number and quality of erections that occur while the patient is asleep. If the results are within the normal range for men of a certain age, it can be hypothesized that the problems are not physical, but psychological, and the appropriate treatment programs can be begun.
If the results of nocturnal penile tumescence testing indicate a physical problem, then another test which determines penile blood pressure may be used. In this test, a cuff is supplied around the penis to determine the penile blood pressure, which should be the same as the blood pressure throughout the body. If the penile blood pressure is lower than expected, the cause of the impotence may be a vascular problem.
POSSIBLE REMEDIES
Usually there is more than one explanation or cure for the phenomenon known as male menopause. Aging, hormones and overall physical and mental well-being all factor into the condition. Many doctors agree that if a man has an understanding partner, monitors his medications, alcohol intake and eating habits, stops smoking, and improves the health of his vascular system through aerobic workouts, he will almost certainly see an improvement in his overall wellness and sexual potency.
In cases where specialized treatment is needed, new findings from English studies suggest that men can improve in sexual function, muscle strength, and general well-being if they are treated with supplements to bring their testosterone levels into a high - normal range. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is now regarded by many physicians as the future of preventative medicine for both men and women in the second half of life. In fact, the National Institute of Health recently asked for research proposals to investigate whether testosterone supplemen- tation might benefit older men by preventing bone loss, depression and other symptoms associated with aging.
Currently there are several methods of testosterone supplementation including shots, implants and a transdermal patch. If injections are indicated, they should be administered at least every two weeks to ensure that testosterone blood levels are constant throughout the treatment. Another option is testosterone implants which are surgically placed behind the gluteus muscle in order to release a steady level of testosterone into the bloodstream. An even newer treatment is the transdermal patch. This patch is placed on the scrotum, and the patient must shave the area where the patch will be affixed and apply a new patch daily. All of these treatments boost testosterone levels in the blood to therapeutic levels, and the patient must determine with the help of his doctor which is the best for him. Unfortunately, testosterone is not particularly effective in treating erectile dysfunction (impotence).
In the past, effective treatments for impotence included vacumn pumps, injections of medications (Caverjet) into the base of the penis, and prosthetic implants. A number of newer medications have become available in the last several years including:
Alprostadil (Muse)-- a pellet placed within the urethra (the passage in the penis where urine comes out)
Sildenafil (Viagra)--an oral tablet which doses not cause an erection but enhances one.
New oral compounds in late stage clinical development include apomorphine and phentolamine (Vasomax). There are also topical creams, sublingual tablets, other intraurethral tablets, and injections being studied at this time.
Testosterone And The Aging Male by Anthony Karpas, M.D., originally published in Atlanta Medicine, Spring, 2001
Men reach ages once thought unattainable. They have sought, since Ponce de Leon got lost in the swamps of Florida, to reverse effects of normal aging. Testosterone production in men starts at puberty. Unlike women, there is no abrupt cutoff of hormone production at midlife. The decline is more gradual. Testosterone is a pulsatile hormone under the control of LH or luteinizing hormone produced by the pituitary gland. As men age, the testis may become less responsive to the LH pulses. Older healthy men have been shown to have less diurnal variation in testosterone levels than their younger counterparts. The nocturnal surge, which typically doubles the testosterone concentration in the early hours, diminishes by age 60. Pituitary production of LH also declines with aging. We did a study to ascertain the pituitary output of aged castrated rats. The young animals had vigorous LH pulses, middle-aged animals had lower amplitude pulses, while extremely old animals had severe declines in both pulse amplitude and frequency. Studies have been done in older men showing a diminished response to LHRH, the LH precursor given intravenously. While there is not a major difference between testosterone levels of healthy younger and older men at midday, total 24-hour production diminishes with aging.
Many other factors affect testosterone levels. Alcohol directly inhibits the Sertoli cell’s testosterone production and increases estrogen conversion in the liver. This results in pituitary suppression of testosterone production. The high levels of estrogen in chronic alcoholics can cause such feminizing effects as gynaecomastia and loss of body hair. Chronic illness such as congestive heart failure, C.O.P.D., H.I.V., renal failure and severe metabolic diseases can result in extremely low testosterone levels. Another common disorder that is frequently missed is sleep apnoea. Patients present with sluggishness, fatigue, impotence and weight gain. Both testosterone and LH levels are low. A sleep study will differentiate sleep apnoea from pituitary disease. Levels usually return to normal once therapy is initiated.
Erectile Function: The role of testosterone in men is debated. It is clear that testosterone is necessary for puberty to take place. There is an obvious role for testosterone in fertility maintenance. High intra-testicular testosterone concentrations are required for sperm production. Since testosterone is produced in the testis, levels are much higher than in the serum. The presence of some FSH secretion from the pituitary is required. Reasonable fertility has been maintained at low levels of serum testosterone as long as pituitary function is adequate.
While testosterone is important for libido, its role in achieving and maintaining erections is less certain. Low levels are not incompatible with sexual function since even young boys have frequent erections. The physiology of erectile function is complex. Stroking of the upper thigh or penis or a full bladder causes the erectile reflex. This is maintained in men who have had transection of the spinal cord. Obviously, cortical control causes erections during sexual fantasies. It is possible to separate the cortical component from the spinal reflex. Interestingly, syphilis causes loss of the reflex component while the fantasy effect is maintained. Testosterone is required for both since castration will prevent erectile function. When the tissue has not been exposed to hormones for a prolonged period, it is very sensitive. Even low serum levels may initiate erections in hypogonadal men and prepubertal boys.
Testosterone is important for prostatic secretion and semen production. Sensation and pressure in the prostate is a factor in erectile function. This may explain why some men cannot have a second erection after sex. Volume expansion of blood vessels in the corpus cavernosum is the mechanism by which erection occurs. Increase in arterial and arteriolar pressure is the major factor. Venous congestion may occur but it is not, as previously thought, the major mechanism. Since arteriolar diseases, such as atherosclerosis, will adversely affect function, cardiovascular disease may present with impotence as the initial symptom. Diabetes causes destruction of the spinal autonomic reflex pathways as well as vascular problems. In order to completely evaluate impotence, Doppler pressure studies may be required. Many devices have been used to try and measure erectile frequency and quality.
For many years, it had been assumed that loss of erectile function was mainly psychological and much time was spent trying to determine the cause of the problem. We now know it is 90% physiological. Uses of devices such as vacuum pumps are effective but unwieldy. Herbal products such as yohimbe are aggressively marketed on the Internet and through health food stores. Intracavernosal injections with alprostadil (Caverjet®), papaverine and regitine in various combinations are effective and are still used as a test of vascular function. Intra-urethral alprostadil (Muse®) is occasionally helpful. Sildenafil (Viagra®) created a revolution in the perception of male sexual dysfunction. The medications increase blood vessel nitrous oxide production. Even if arterial pressure is low or if there is nerve damage from diabetes, the increased sensitivity allows the blood vessels to dilate. Low testosterone is an important cause of impotence due to its effect on libido, as well as the sensitization of the nerve and muscle pathways. Testosterone needs to be measured as part of the assessment of impotence and needs to be replaced if low. However, since impotence is a multi-factorial disorder, testosterone rarely is the entire solution to the problem. The addition of sildenafil and other similar drugs still under investigation have increased treatment choices. When modern medications fail, older treatment methods such as vacuum pumps and surgical penile implants remain effective.
Effects Of Testosterone: Testosterone does increase and maintain muscle mass and the absence of testosterone causes a loss of strength and muscle bulk. Although treatment with testosterone in hypogonadal men decreases body fat and improves endurance and athletic performance, supplemental testosterone within physiologically normal levels does not cause major improvements in normal men.
The well-known anabolic effects occur at blood levels vastly in excess of physiologic replacement. Anabolic steroids are 10-50 times more potent than testosterone. Anabolic steroid abuse is obvious among wrestlers and other sports figures on primetime national T.V and media. On the other hand, anabolic steroids may be quite beneficial in wasting disorders such as cancer and AIDS. Testosterone-deficient men complain of lethargy, lack of motivation, poor concentration, depression and low libido. On the other hand, men with high testosterone levels may exhibit more aggressive behavior. Some patients complain of irritability immediately following an injection where levels are high. Most men experience a sense of well being when levels are adequate. Testosterone seems to improve focus and concentration according to the studies of Dr Jim Dabbs, a noted psychologist.
For many years, testosterone therapy was considered potentially harmful. Concerns were raised over its effect on heart disease, lipid disorders, prostate cancer and liver disorders. Studies results have not supported this concern. A recent study, in fact, reported that men with lower testosterone levels were more likely to get heart disease. While prostate cancer is sensitive to testosterone, testosterone has not been shown to be a direct cause. No adverse lipid changes have been shown to occur with parentally administered testosterone. Oral methyl-testosterone is associated with liver enzyme abnormalities and lipid disorders. High levels of testosterone will cause polycythaemia.
Men who are low in testosterone are at risk for osteoporosis. One third of all hip fractures occur in men. The effects of these fractures are more severe than in women because they tend to occur in older, taller men whose fractures are more severe. The effect of testosterone on bone is both direct as well as mediated through estrogen. Men who lack the ability to aromatize testosterone into estrogen have been found to have severe osteoporosis. Estrogen may play other roles in men. Older men are noted to have higher conversion rates of testosterone to estrogen and subsequently higher estrogen levels. In fact, sixty-year-old men have higher estrogen levels than 60-year-old women. This may help to explain the surprising finding that men with higher testosterone levels have lower heart attack rates.
Diagnosis Of Testosterone Deficiency: Testosterone levels fall with aging. The problem is that not all men are symptomatic and not all men have a need for treatment. A recent consensus conference tried to define who were candidates for therapy. Testosterone levels in young men are probably normal above 400. Any level above this is normal. Older men may have levels as low as 280 and not be symptomatic. A level of less than 200 is definitely low and needs further evaluation. Free testosterone levels may be helpful as sex hormone binding protein goes up with age. LH and FSH levels, if elevated, may suggest primary testicular failure. When they are low and testosterone is below 200, a pituitary tumor should be considered. Elevated prolactin increases suspicion of a tumor and should be measured. A pituitary MRI should be done in this situation. Pituitary depression due to acute disease should be obvious but chronic severe disease such as severe sleep apnoea, AIDS, COPD, renal and hepatic failure can cause severe depression of testosterone levels and should be ruled out. Another less obvious cause of low testosterone levels is recent previous use which suppresses pituitary hormone stimulation.
The primary reason to diagnose and treat male patients is often made on clinical grounds. The most common complaint is impotence. On further questioning, the problem often is not a problem with achieving an erection but a lack of desire. Inability to sustain or achieve an erection is more likely a vascular problem. While lethargy, depression and lack of concentration are common findings, loss of muscle mass and strength may also present. Increased body fat can be a complaint. Clinical exam may reveal some loss of pubic hair, gynaecomastia and soft or shrunken testes. Depending on the duration of the problem the prostate may be either reduced, if the problem was of long duration, or enlarged, if the problem was recent. Cluster headaches have also been associated with testosterone deficiency. Testosterone therapy should be instituted if levels are below 280ng/ml and considered if levels are below 400ng/ml. The physician should check PSA levels and the prostate digital examination before treatment as well as 3 and 6 months after the onset of therapy. An increase in PSA of more than 1.5 from baseline should be regarded as suspicious and prompt a urological investigation. CBC levels should also be measured every six months since polycythaemia is a common side effect of therapy. Bone density testing should be done on men who have low levels since they are at increased risk of osteoporosis.
Treatment: Testosterone depot injections 200mg/ml 1cc every 10-to14 days will usually result in a high physiologic blood level. Testosterone patches (Androderm® or Testoderm® ) 5mg/day will also bring levels into an acceptable ranges. A new therapy, Androgel ® 5mg cream, is currently available and achieves physiological testosterone levels if applied regularly once a day and allowed to dry. Testosterone subdermal pellets are inserted every 4-6 months and also give very consistent levels. Clomiphene (Clomid®) 25mg works well for men with pituitary disorders and raises testosterone into the mid physiologic range. Men still desiring fertility may benefit from shots of HCG 2500u twice weekly if Clomid® is ineffective.
Readings
American Association of Clinical Endocrinology, Guidelines on Testosterone Replacement Therapy
Dabbs, James. Heroes Rogues and Lovers, Testosterone and Behavior, McGraw Hill, 2000.
Mayo Clinic Proceedings: Symposium Testosterone Replacement in Elderly Men, Jan. 2000.
Swerloff,, E., ed . Endocrine Society Annual Consensus Meeting. April 2000.
There are a number of different meanings for the word impotence or erectile dysfunction. For the purpose of this discussion, impotence shall be defined as "the inability to have or sustain and erection long enough to have meaningful (within reason) sexual intercourse." Impotence is often primarily a vascular problem resulting in a loss of elasticity in the arteries - a condition causing poor circulation and impairing blood flow. Healthy circulation and blood flow are necessary to maintain an erection. There are several forms of impotence:
Organic erectile dysfunction: This tends to occur gradually until the male never has night time or early morning erections.
Psychogenic impotence: This tends to occur suddenly but the male continues to have spontaneous erections at night or in the early morning (often associated with a full bladder).
Partial erectile dysfunction: Where the male will develop an erection but it either goes away prior to intercourse or is so flaccid that successful intercourse does not occur
Facts
50% of men in their 80s and 90s experience night time and morning erections
50% of men age 70 are still sexually active
51% of normal, healthy males age 40 to 70 experience some degree of impotence - defined as a persistent problem attaining and maintaining an erection rigid enough for sexual intercourse.
Approximately 40% of men in their 40s, 50s and 60s will experience some degree of lethargy, depression, increased irritability, mood swings, and difficulty in attaining and sustaining erections that characterize male menopause.
Two-thirds of 40 year old men diagnosed with heart disease exhibited at least moderate impotence.
Tissue samples from patients with chronic alcoholism (10 or 15 years of heavy drinking) demonstrate that prolonged alcohol abuse causes irreversible damage to the nerves inside the penis.
Diagnosis
The diagnosis of largely based on a careful medical and psychological history. At times, measurement devices can be placed on the penis to determine if spontaneous night time erections occur and to compare the blood pressure within the penis with the blood pressure in an arm. Common causes for impotence need to be sought out including:
Medical Problems:
Diabetes
Vascular disease
Low testosterone levels
Other endocrine disorders such as an underactive thyroid
Poor habits
excessive alcohol use
smoking (causes microvascular disease)
obesity
lack of exercise
Medications
Anti-hypertensive medications such as diuretics and beta blockers
Anti-depressants-- both tricyclic antidepressants such as Elavil (imipramine) and the new SSRIs, particularly Prozac and Zoloft
Tranquilizers
Anti-histamines
Asthma medications such as ephedrine
Digestive medications such as Tagamet
Psychological problems
Stress
Depression
Fatigue from overwork
Marital Problems
History of Vasectomy
Treatment
The treatment for impotence is usually more complicated than one single approach. First, a distinction needs to be made between men with organic erectile dysfunction and those with so-called "psychogenic" impotence.
Men who never experience an erection because of vascular disease should be referred to a urological specialist. Caution should be taken with the use of medications which dilate blood vessels, such as Viagra, because men with advanced vascular disease in the penis probably have a similar condition in the heart and other tissues and are at great risk of major complications from drug use (such as a heart attack or stroke). Men who use nitroglycerin type medications for angina should be especially cautious and should consult with their cardiologists before strenuous sexual activity or the use of any sexual enhancing drug.
With respect to so-called "psychogenic impotence", it is rarely purely psychological. Aging, hormones and overall physical and mental well-being all factor into the condition. The psychological problems of the male mid-life crisis along with depression are also major contributing factors. Many doctors agree that if a man has an understanding partner, monitors his medications, alcohol intake and eating habits, stops smoking, and improves the health of his vascular system through aerobic workouts, he will almost certainly see an improvement in his overall wellness and sexual potency.
In cases where men have a depressed serum testosterone level (only 8-16% of men with impotence have low testosterone levels), specialized treatment is needed. New findings from English studies suggest that men can improve sexual function, muscle strength, and general well-being if they are treated with supplements to bring their testosterone levels into a high - normal range. Estrogen Replacement Therapy (ERT) is now almost universally accepted by physicians as the future of preventative medicine for women in the second half of life. Will Testosterone Replacement Therapy be far behind?
Currently there are several methods of testosterone supplementation including shots, implants and a transdermal patch. If injections are indicated, they should be administered at least every two weeks to ensure that testosterone blood levels are constant throughout the treatment. Another option is testosterone implants which are surgically placed behind the gluteus muscle in order to release a steady level of testosterone into the bloodstream. An even newer treatment is the transdermal patch (Testoderm). This patch is placed on the scrotum. Unfortunately, the patient must shave the area where the patch will be affixed and apply a new patch daily. Another transdermal patch (Androderm) has the advantage of being placed on the skin of the abdomen or back. All of these treatments boost testosterone levels in the blood to therapeutic levels, and the patient must determine with the help of his doctor which is the best for him. Unfortunately, testosterone is not particularly effective in treating erectile dysfunction (impotence) except in instances of markedly depressed testosterone levels. Even eunuchs from ancient times who were castrated after puberty were capable of maintaining erections. It was a custom in ancient Rome that women would use more potent eunuchs for pleasure without the risk of procreation (Carruthers, 1997).
In the past, effective treatments for impotence included vacuum pumps, injections of medications (Papaverine, Caverjet) into the base of the penis, and prosthetic implants. A number of newer medications have become available in the last several years including:
Alprostadil (Muse)-- a pellet placed within the urethra (the passage in the penis where urine comes out)
Sildenafil (Viagra)--an oral tablet which doses not cause an erection but enhances one. This should be used very cautiously in men with vascular disease.
New oral compounds in late stage clinical development include apomorphine and phentolamine (Vasomax). There are also topical creams, sublingual tablets, other intraurethral tablets, and injections being studied at this time.
Drs. Caroline Dott and Andrew Dott are professional lecturers and teachers with a special interest in the interactions between the biological and psychological basis of human behavior at midlife. Among their lecture topics are female and male menopause, the hormonal basis of human behavior, and issues related to depression and anxiety. They are available to travel and give seminars on the topics covered in this website both nationally and internationally.
Many developmental theorists now feel that men continue to change, psychologically, during their adult life. In a sense, men experience two or even three adulthoods. The first extends from the end of puberty until the forties. Than many men experience "the midlife crisis" or the "Corvette syndrome" or a psychological "male menopause". This can become a very difficult period of transition for men and women which, if successfully resolved, leads into a man's second adulthood. Among contemporary writers who discuss this transition is Jed Diamond in his book Male Menopause and Gail Sheehy who wrote Understanding Men's Passages. These are excellent references for couples struggling with these changes.
The first question is whether men have always been this way or whether this behavior has been precipitated by the profound changes in the roles of men and women which have occurred in the 20th century. Another issue is that these changes in the relationships between men and women, which started around the time of the Second World War when women first moved into the work place in large numbers has undergone another profound change in the 1970s and 1980s as the roles of men and women in the workplace have been equalized. No longer is the man the sole provider for this family or the provider who is assisted by his wife, but now they are joint providers and many American families are now experiencing the situation where the woman is the dominant provider. The men and women who come from the generation of this last change are just entering their mid-forties now so there really have been no experience with the passage of these couples through their "midlife crisis". This chapter will unfold in the next decade.
So what happens to men. Some men experience a true biological menopause like women do. This is called viropause or andropause and will be discussed in another article. Most men however experience a developmental change in their psyche as they reach a point in their lives where the need to fulfill the traditional roles of achieving power, wealth, success, fame is resolved, either through success or failure or simply being tired. While the relationships of early adulthood between the sexes has been traditionally one of separation and marked differences because the woman is tied up with her children and home and the man with work, things change and the roles of men and women often tend to converge and even cross over so that the role of the man and women are quite different in late adulthood. Many men in their fifties develop a nurturing, artistic and expressive self while many women of the same age become more assertive, focused, and political. Gail Sheehy refers to this as "the sexual diamond". There is even some data coming from research in the neurosciences which suggest that the right side of the brain (which regulates logic, orderly thinking and cognitive type skills) is larger than the left side of the brain (which regulates feelings, sensitivity, and artistic qualities) in young men but as the man ages, the sizes become equal. On the other hand, in women, the two sides are equal in young adulthood but then the right side increases with aging. Of course this data is very preliminary.
What precipitates the male midlife crisis? In the simplest terms, a man begins to feel that there is something else in life other than where he is. Men either feel they have progressed as far as they can with whatever their life script is or a crisis is precipitated by a sudden change which makes a man feel obsolete, vulnerable, unsure or not competent. Typical events can include:
Loss or Downsizing of a Job
Separation and/or Divorce
A Health Crisis
Death or Illness of a Peer or Family Member
Children Leaving Home
Displacement by a Younger Male
Becoming a Grandparent
Experiencing Erectile Failure Twice in a Row
The most typical response of the male to this is depression which, in the male, is often expressed differently from symptoms which are classically attributed to depression. As a result, it is commonly not recognized. See the article on Depression in Men for a more thorough discussion about the differences between male and female depression.
Drs. Caroline Dott and Andrew Dott are professional lecturers and teachers with a special interest in the interactions between the biological and psychological basis of human behavior at midlife. Among their lecture topics are female and male menopause, the hormonal basis of human behavior, and issues related to depression and anxiety. They are available to travel and give seminars on the topics covered in this website both nationally and internationally.
Depression in Men--Its Different! by Caroline Dott, Ph.D., L.C.S.W. and Andrew B. Dott, M.D., M.P.H., originally published in Atlanta Medicine, Spring, 2001.
Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman exemplifies the quintessential depressed midlife man whose inner rage at his life prompts tumultuous actions resulting in self-destruction. How many men unconsciously replicate Faust’s “contract with the Devil” in their 20's, only to find that the “ole Devil” has gotten the best of them by their mid-40's? What do these characters from great literature have in common?
Scope of the Problem. Depression is one of the most common responses of men to “Male Menopause.” Midlife men often do not see themselves in the mirror of major depressive responses which include persistent sad moods, diminished ability to think or concentrate, feeling worthless, sleeping too much, low energy, significant weight loss or gain, loss of pleasure in activities, and recurrent thoughts of death. Approximately 40% of men in the forty to sixty midlife age ranges will experience some degree of depression. Whereas men complete 20% of all suicides in the United States, the suicide rate triples in midlife men and increases seven times in men over age 65. Having a history of depression makes the risk of suicide 78 times greater. The proper recognition and diagnosis of depression can take up to ten years and three or more healthcare professionals. Even though 80-90% of people seeking help for depression obtain relief, 60-80% of depressed adults never receive available professional help (Diamond, 1998).
What contributes to depression in men at midlife? To answer this question, the incidences of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges either already present, or that appears at midlife, needs to be addressed. Depression may be a reaction to acute or chronic illness such as cancer, heart disease, or HIV. There are a number of physiological imbalances—especially endocrine and metabolic disorders, that can be accompanied by depression. Sub optimal nutrition can reinforce and worsen a depressive state. The depressive effects of alcohol on the body and psyche are well known. In general, because depression negatively impacts the immune system, its unrecognized and untreated presence contributes to compromised health overall. Finally, occupational and environmental pollutants may result in compromised energy resources that can contribute to or cause depression. As an example, while changes in the functioning of the thyroid gland are far more common in midlife women than in men at midlife, the decreased hormone output of the thyroid gland, or hypothyroidism, is often accompanied by depression. Men may mask real depression connected with low thyroid functioning by presenting with,” I’m tired, exhausted and can’t function the way I used to” (Arem, 1999, p. 20). Adjusting to these feelings and struggling to appear normal to avoid the cultural stigma placed on emotional conditions, men may deny and dismiss their own symptoms and inner pain, not seeking professional help. Men and doctors may miss a correct diagnosis of malfunctioning thyroid by focusing on and treating resulting physical symptoms rather than diagnosing the underlying thyroid disease.
Other hormone changes such as a decrease in testosterone, the “male hormone,” DHEA, or insulin may result in the neurochemically-based feeling of depression. Psychologist James Dabbs (Dabbs & Dabbs, 2000) found that his own testosterone level was lower when he was depressed and higher when he was optimistic. Endocrinologists have found that low testosterone results in lowered energy and reduced sexual activity. There is some evidence (Steiger, et al, 1991) that very low levels of testosterone may be associated with clinical depression, although this is controversial. Most studies to date do not confirm this finding (Rubin et al., 1989).
Testosterone interacts with other hormones such as cortisol, serotonin, and prolactin, which moderate the effects of testosterone. Cortisol lowers testosterone in men (Cumming et al, 1983). Released in stressful situations, cortisol contributes to the body’s fight-or-flight response by providing energy to help one deal with emergencies. Men who are chronically high in cortisol and low in testosterone are not particularly aggressive or likely to confront others. Instead, they tend to be less friendly and cheerful than other men with low testosterone with an increase in anxiety related to high cortisol levels (p. 167).
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that affects the brain and behavior by stimulating a pleasant outlook. Elevated levels of serotonin tend to produce calmness, confidence, lowered irritability, increased optimism, less impulsivity, and increased pleasantness. Studies show that high-serotonin male vervet monkeys are dominant and calm whereas high-testosterone male vervet monkeys are dominant and more aggressive. An uncommon spate of other physiological changes in midlife men may contribute to feelings of depression. Thus, men can optimize their own health and continuous normal functioning by seeking informed professional help immediately for distressing symptoms rather than adjusting to and doing nothing about them.
Normal Male Psychological Development. Psychological and emotional stressors are the largest contributors to depression in midlife men. In order to understand these challenges, we need to know normal male psychological development. Daniel Levinson, in his enlightening book The Seasons of a Man’s Life, outlines male adult developmental stages. During the major life phases of adolescence and young adulthood, life structures are built, defining choices are made, and goals and values are pursued within that structure. Following each major life phase is a transition period of 4 to 5 years when a man completes existing life tasks and creates new opportunities for growth and development.
In the pre-midlife stage of Adulthood, men achieve the life goal of “Becoming a Man.” This formidable accomplishment includes speaking with their own voice; becoming a senior, authoritative member in their world; and carrying the burden of increasing responsibility and its accompanying stress. These achievements lead to fulfilling their “Dream.” At midlife, a man must terminate Early Adulthood. Perhaps the most significant task is discovering who he really is--not the “self” of social, business/professional or family expectations.
What are the primary tasks of every transition period?
1. Questioning and reappraising existing life structures,
2. Exploring various options for change in oneself and in one’s surrounding environments,
3. Moving toward a commitment to defining choices that form the basis for a new life structure in the next major life phase.
For most men, this transition period evokes tumultuous struggles within the self and with their external world leading to moderate to severe crises. Men question every aspect of their life, often experiencing some sense of horror at what they discover. They blame themselves and others severely for their life situation. Realizing they cannot continue as before, they require time either to choose a new path or to modify the old one. A man may begin to change the unacceptable parts of his existing life structure, entering a time of confusion, experimentation and, inevitably, some mistakes. Thus, in some ways, the midlife transition mirrors the earlier stage of adolescence.
What are the common events that precipitate men entering into midlife? These events fall into three major categories--personal, family, and occupational. In the personal realm, a man may experience some health crisis, separation or divorce, or experience erectile failure twice in a row. Family events include the death or illness of a family member or peer, children leaving or returning home, or becoming a grandparent. Occupationally, he may be the unwilling victim of involuntary retirement, non-advancement or of being displaced by a younger male. That old culprit, stress, accumulating in midlife men who are also in their peak years of responsibility, productivity, and financial output, may stimulate panic, anxiety or depression. Stress, vascular disease, normal aging, and/or lowered testosterone levels can lead to compromised erectile functioning. Approximately 40% of men between the ages of forty and sixty will experience some degree of difficulty in attaining and sustaining an erection. Closely associated responses include lethargy, depression, increased irritability, and mood swings. Many men may develop a reactive depression secondary to issues relating to loss of virility and sexual identity.
Each of these major events can stimulate emotional reactions involving varying degrees of personal pain. Changes in any one or all major life areas may result in feelings of loss of power and self-esteem, questioning virility and personal desirability, and performance or global anxiety and/or depression which frequently occur together.
Why don’t we recognize depression in men? The signs and symptoms of depression in men commonly are not recognized for several reasons:
1. The behavioral expression of depression in men is often quite different from the classic symptoms people in our culture define as “depressed.”
2. Men in our culture often are not aware when they are depressed because of the association with being “weak” when men are taught to “be strong.”
3. Men do not allow themselves to admit to themselves that they are having a problem with sexual expression and do not understand its relationship to depression.
4. The behavioral expression of male depression is not familiar to family members or healthcare providers who do not recognize it.
Depression Looks Different in Men and Women. Empirically and anecdotally, women generally turn inward when they are depressed, whereas men are more likely to act out their unrecognized and denied feelings of depression. Jed Diamond, PhD, in his book, Male Menopause (1998), details the differences between men’s and women’s expression of depression (Table 1).
Table 1: Differences between Male and Female Depression


Depression Male Depression
Blame themselves Blame others
Feel sad, apathetic, worthless Feel angry, irritable
Feel anxious, scared Feel suspicious, guarded
Avoid conflict at all costs Create conflict
Always try to be nice Overtly or covertly hostile
Withdraw when feeling hurt Attack when feeling hurt
Have little self-respect Demand respect from others
Feel they were born to fail Feel the world set them up to fail
Slowed down and nervous Restless and agitated
Chronic procrastinator Compulsive time keeper
Sleep too much Sleep too little
Trouble setting boundaries Control everything, everybody
Feel guilty for everything Feel ashamed for who they are
Uncomfortable receiving praise Frustrated if not praised enough
Easily talk about weaknesses, doubts Terrified to admit weaknesses, doubts
Strong fear of success Strong fear of failure
Need to "blend in" to feel safe Need to be "top dog" to feel safe
Use food, friends, and "love" to self-medicate Use alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate
Believe their problems could be solved only if they could be a better spouse, co-worker, parent, friend Believe their problems could be solved only if their spouse, co-worker, parent, friend would treat them better
Constantly wonder, "Am I loveable enough? Constantly think, "I’m not getting enough love”

Adapted from Male Menopause by Jed Diamond, PhD, Naperville, Ill: Sourcebooks, Inc., 1998.
The most striking overall difference between the ways women and men handle depression can be described best as polar opposite behaviors. For example, one common emotion that underlies depression in both men and women is anger. Women usually hold in their anger and this negative energy lodges inside the body down to the cellular level, depressing the whole system. Men, on the other hand, more often express their unrecognized inner feelings of depression by showing increasing impatience, irritability, hostility and anger toward those with whom they are closest emotionally, and often toward others as well.
What Can Men Do About Their Depression? Unfortunately, because most men do not recognize that they are depressed or because they deny it, there is little they do to seek help. If and when their own inner pain finally becomes unbearable, they may inadvertently and, at times, impulsively “try out” some new behaviors in a desperate and misdirected attempt to rid themselves of inescapable and painful situations. These often unconscious attempts at “fixing” an ill-defined and often-denied painful state may result in behaviors which are self-destructive and destructive to those closest to them---thus we have the full blown “midlife crisis.” In actuality, it is not necessarily the stage of midlife that creates the crisis for the man but his response to his own midlife stress and confusion.
Often we receive questions on our website, www.midlife-passages.com, from distressed women who wonder what is happening to their partner. For example:
“My husband has just separated from me after 22 years of marriage. I don’t know what happened but he has changed overnight. He says he loves me but he doesn’t want to live with me any more. Our friends and our children are angry with him because they think he is acting crazy. I am hurt, confused and don’t know what to do. I still love him. Please help!! “
Without further information, we cannot make a definite determination about the underlying cause of this man’s distress, but this type of situation is described frequently enough on our website. We can speculate that this man may be feeling depressed, may not recognize it or may deny it, and is handling it in the only way his current repertoire of coping mechanisms allows him--i.e., to “escape” the situation which generally is not a viable solution. This is an example of the way in which some men are not aware of the reasons for their depression and may react impulsively rather than create thoughtful, proactive solutions. Lack of awareness is a common emotional defense in many men.
Why is this defense so common in men? In the emotional realm, men often do not want to face the fact that they need to “fix” something about themselves that feels threatening or painful. They can avoid the whole uncomfortable “fixing” process by denying that they have a “problem.” Thus, most men seek help only when pressured to do so by significant people in their life who recognize that they are struggling and in distress.
Men can be helped or help themselves through a variety of approaches. Through loving, gentle encouragement, a partner can help a man begin to realize he needs help in identifying the major stressors in his life. The partner can take the lead in rallying support for him from family members, friends, and co-workers who can assist him to modify the situations and environments that are stress provoking. A partner can assist him in determining how to modify what he provides for family members, emphasizing his increasing need for better self-care while still addressing family members’ needs.
Other time-honored and effective methods for achieving and maintaining harmony and balance in a man’s life include:
1. Having a thorough medical evaluation
2. Exercising regularly
3. Starting an individualized nutritional program
4. Learning to love and accept themselves for whom they are
5. Recreating close social supports they have lost and/or learning to create closeness and intimacy they never had
6. Growing spiritually
7. Engaging in individual and/or group psychotherapy or support groups
8. Taking appropriate medications and/or hormones
How effective is exercise in reducing depression? We know that people who exercise tend to be less depressed than those who do not exercise (Goleman & Gurin, 1993). What we do not know is whether the primary stimulus that differentiates more depressed from less depressed people is the exercise or the depression. By itself, exercise is unlikely to help a man with long-term depression or an acute severely depressive episode. There is evidence that exercise is an effective adjunct for moderate types of depression that still require professional help.
Two different studies (Griest et al., 1979; Schwartz et al., 1978) investigated the differential benefits of exercise, time-limited or long-term psychotherapy, and meditation training. Results indicated that exercise is similar to or better than standard medical treatment for moderate depression. Other studies show that exercise is ameliorative for mild, transient forms of depression experienced at times by most people. Mild depression may include acute feelings of sadness, discouragement, and self-deprecation. Probably, the effect of an integrated approach of both psychology and physiology determines how exercise benefits mood.
What if the man does know he is suffering, is depressed or is in pain? What can he do to help himself? He needs to have the courage to share his vulnerabilities with his partner, family, and close friends, asking for their understanding and support. He must do whatever he needs to do to take care of his distress, including seeking outside professional help. Hopefully in time, those closest to him will hear his distress and assist him in his recovery.
Medications: Excellent antidepressant medications are available. No one medication is perfect and it is very important to choose and monitor therapy carefully. These medications include:
1. Tricyclic Antidepressants (TCAs)—amitriptyline (Elavil®), desipramine (Norpramin®), doxepin (Sinequan®), protriptyline (Vivactil®) etc. These are generic and cheap but have side effects including sedation, dry mouth, and urinary retention.
2. SSRIs—fluoxetine (Prozac®), sertraline (Zoloft®), citalopram (Celexa®), paroxetine (Paxil®), and fluvoxamine (Luvox®)-- the drugs of choice in the 1990s. They eliminate virtually all the side effects of TCAs but they are not perfect. Each medication has a slightly different profile of side effects so it may be necessary to try several different preparations to obtain the optimal response. One of the most common side effects of this class of medications is sexual dysfunction (Table 2)
Table 2: Reported incidence of Sexually Related Side Effects in Men with Common Anti-Depressants (PDR-2001) (Reported vs. Control)
Abnormal Ejaculation Decreased Libido Impotence
Prozac 7% >1% 4% 0% 2% >1%
Zoloft 14 1 6 1 N.A.
Paxil 13 0 3 1 10 0
Celexa 6.1 1 3.8 1 2.8 1
Wellbutrin No data 3.1 1.6 3.4 3.1
Effexor 17 1 6 2 6 1
Serzone >1 1 >1 >1
Luvox 8 1 2 1 2 1
Compiled from the Physicians Desk Reference (PDR-2001), 55th ed., Montvale, N.J.: Medical Economics, 2001.
3. Reported incidence of sexual problems is as high as 17%. Obviously these medications would be a poor choice for a male in mid-life crisis who is obsessing about inadequate sexual performance. These medications should be used cautiously when combined with weight reduction pills, agents used in smoking cessation such as buproprion (Zyban®), tryptophan, St. John's Wort and other serotonin-like agents.
4. Atypical Antidepressants— buproprion (Wellbutrin®), venlafaxine (Effexor®), and nefazodone (Serzone®). These act on the brain through the inhibition of both serotonin and norepinephrine uptake. Buproprion and nefazodone, in particular, have a lower incidence of sexual side effects. At this time, there is no one best agent for the pharmacological management of the unique issues associated with male depression at midlife.
5. Amphetamines and MAO Inhibitors--tranylcypromine (Parnate®) and phenelzine (Nardil®)-- these are dangerous and should be dispensed only by psychiatrists highly skilled in their use. They are rarely used today.
Ultimate recovery from midlife depression is possible with the working through of relevant issues, the loving support of partner, family, and friends and appropriate professional help. The courageous man who takes on this “last great dragon” gives himself and others the gift of his full passion, well-honed powers and mutual fulfillment.
References
Arem, Ridha, MD. The Thyroid Solution: A Mind-Body Program for Beating Depression and Regaining Your Emotional and Physical Health. New York: Ballantine Books, 1999.
Carruthers, Malcolm, MD. Maximizing Manhood: Beating the Male Menopause. Hammersmith, London: Harper/Collins, 1997.
Cumming, D. C., Quigley, M. E., and Yen, S. S. C. “Acute Suppression of circulating testosterone levels by cortisol in men,” Journal of Clinical Enocrinology and Metabolism, Vol. 57 (1983), pp. 671-673.)
Dabbs, J. M. and Dabbs, M. G. Heroes, Rogues, and Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2000.
Diamond, Jed, PhD. Male Menopause. Napierville, Ill: Sourcebooks, Inc., 1998.
Diamond, Jed, PhD. Surviving Male Menopause: A Guide for Women and Men. Naperville, Ill: Sourcebooks, Inc., 2000.
Dym, Barry & Glenn, M. L. Couples--Exploring and Understanding the Cycles of Intimate Relationships. San Francisco: Harper/Collins, 1993.
Goleman, Daniel, PhD. Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam, 1996.
Goleman, Daniel, PhD, and Gurin, Joel (Eds.). Mind*Body Medicine: How To Use Your Mind For Better Health. New York: Consumer Reports Books, 1993.
Griest, J.H., Klein, M.H., Eischens, R.R., Faris, J., Gurman, A.S., & Morgan, W. P. “Running as a Treatment for Depression.” Comparative Psychiatry, 53(1979): pp. 20-41.
Hudson, F. M., PhD, & McLean, P. D., PhD. Life Launch: A Passionate Guide to the Rest of Your Life. Santa Barbara, CA. The Hudson Institute Press, 1995.
Levinson, Daniel. The Seasons of a Man’s Life. New York: Knopf, 1978.
Oppenheim, Michael, MD. The Man’s Health Book. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall, 1994.
Osherman, Samuel, PhD. Wrestling with Love: How Men Struggle with Intimacy. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1992.
Osherman, Samuel, PhD. Finding our Fathers: How a Man’s Life is Shaped by His Relationship with His Father. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1986.
Rubin, R. T., Poland, R. E., and Lesser, I. M. “Neuroendocrine Aspects of Primary Endogenous Depression VIII. Pituitary-Gonadal Axis Activity in Male Patients and Matched Control Subjects,” Psychoneuroendocrinology, Vol. 14 (1989), pp. 217-229.
Schwartz, G. E., Davidson, R. J., & Goleman, D. J. “Patterning of Cognitive and Somatic Processes in the Self-Regulation of Anxiety: Effects of Meditation Versus Exercise.” Psychosomatic Medicine, 40(1978); pp. 321-328.
Sheehy, Gail. Understanding Men’s Passages: Discovering the New Map of Men’s Lives. New York: Random House, 1998.
Steiger, A., von Bardeleben, U., Wiedemann, K., and Holsboer, F. “Sleep EEG and Nocturnal Secretion of Testosterone and Cortisol in Patients with Major Endogenous Depression During Acute Phase and after Remission,” Journal of Psychiatric Research, Vol.25 (1991), pp. 169-177.
Tatelbaum, Judy. The Courage to Grieve: Creative Living, Recovery, and Growth Through Grief. New York: Harper & Row, 1980.
Viorst, Judith. Necessary Losses. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1986.
Whitehead, E. Douglas, MD. Viagra: The Wonder Drug for Peak Performance. New York: Dell, 1999.
Keywords:symptoms,problems,problem,symptom,suicides,suicide,relationship,professionals, physicians,mental,menopause.,increased,health,family,fail,erections,disease,difficulty, consequences,classic,60s,50s,40s,lethargy,experience, depression, impotence, male, menopause, midlife, crisis, men, sexuality, infidelity, adultery, psychology, human, behavior, Atlanta, psychology, impotence, sex, irritability,moods, swing, sexual, frustration, alcohol, alcoholism, anti-depressants,behavior, human,hormone, testosterone, androgen
The most common problem associated with male menopause is depression which is closely related to impotence and problems with male sexuality. Approximately 40% of men in their 40s, 50s and 60s will experience some degree of difficulty in attaining and sustaining erections, lethargy, depression, increased irritability, and mood swings that characterize male menopause. The symptoms of depression in men are commonly not recognized for several reasons:
The symptoms of male depression are different than the classic symptoms we think of as depression
Men deny they have problems because they are supposed to "be strong"
Men deny they have a problem with their sexuality and don't understand the relationship with depression
The symptom cluster of male depression is not well known so family members, physicians, and mental health professionals fail to recognize it.
Male depression is a disease with devastating consequences. To paraphrase from Jed Diamond's book Male Menopause
80% of all suicides in the US are men
The male suicide rate at midlife is three times higher; for men over 65, seven times higher
The history of depression makes the risk of suicide seventy-eight times greater (Sweden)
20 million American will experience depression sometimes in their lifetime
60-80% of depressed adults never get professional help
It can take up to ten years and three health professionals to properly diagnose this disorder
80-90% of people seeking help get relief from their symptoms
Differences between Male and Female depression:
Men are more likely to act out their inner turmoil while women are more likely to turn their feelings inward. The following chart from Jed Diamond's book, Male Menopause, illustrates these differences.
Female depression Male depression
Blame themselves Feel others are to blame
Feel sad, apathetic, and worthless Feel angry, irritable, and ego inflated
Feel anxious and scared Feel suspicious and guarded
Avoids conflicts at all costs Creates conflicts
Always tries to be nice Overtly or covertly hostile
Withdraws when feeling hurt Attacks when feeling hurt
Has trouble with self respect Demands respect from other
Feels they were born to fail Feels the world set them up to fail
Slowed down and nervous Restless and agitated
Chronic procrastinator Compulsive time keeper
Sleeps too much Sleeps too little
Trouble setting boundaries Needs control at all costs
Feels guilty for what they do Feels ashamed for who they are
Uncomfortable receiving praise Frustrated if not praised enough
Finds it easy to talk about weaknesses and doubts Terrified to talk about weaknesses and doubts
Strong fear of success Strong fear of failure
Needs to "blend in" to feel safe Needs to be "top dog" to feel safe
Uses food, friends, and "love" to self-medicate Uses alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self medicate
Believe their problems could be solved only if they could be a better (spouse, co-worker, parent, friend) Believe their problems could be solved only if their (spouse, co-worker, parent, friend) would treat them better
Constantly wonder, "Am I loveable enough?" Constantly wonder, "Am I being loved enough?"
What to Do About It?

Often we receive questions at our website from distressed women who wonder what is happening to their husbands or partners or co-workers and how they can help.
It is important to recognize the syndrome because most men will not see it in themselves since their most basic psychological defense is denial.
It is important to realize that most men seek help only when pressured to do so by significant people in their life.
It is important to realize than men can be helped through a variety of approaches including
exercise
diet
getting in touch with their spirituality
individual and group psychotherapy
medications
teaching men to recreate the social supports they have lost or never had
teaching men to love and accept themselves for whom they are

Medications
There are a number of excellent antidepressant medications now available. No one medication is perfect and it is very important to choose and monitor therapy carefully.
There are the following classes of medications:
Amphetamines and MAO Inhibitors (Parnate and Nardil)-- these are dangerous and should be dispensed only by psychiatrists highly skilled in their use. They are rarely used today.
Tricyclic Antidepressants (TCAs)-- Elavil, imipramine, trazadone, doxepin, nortriptyline etc. These are generic and cheap but have a lot of side effects including sedation, dry mouth, urinary retention.
SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox)-- the drugs of choice in the 1990s since they eliminate virtually all the side effects of the TCAs but they are not perfect. Each medication has a slightly different profile of side effects so it may be necessary to try several different preparations to get the optimal response. One of the most common side effects of Prozac and Zoloft is sexual dysfunction. Reported incidence of impotence can be as high as 30%. Obviously these medications would be a very poor choice for a male in mid-life crisis who is obsessing about inadequate sexual performance. Another disadvantage is that these agents are expensive. Caution should be used mixing these agents with weight reduction pills, agents used in smoking cessation (Zyban--buproprion), tryptophan and St. John's Wort marketed in health food stores, and other serotonin-like agents
Other drugs include Wellbutrin (buproprion), Effexor, and Serzone. These effect the brain through other biochemical pathways.
Table 2 Reported vs. Placebo Incidence of Sexual Dysfunction Associated with Various Antidepressants (PDR, 2001)
abnormal ejaculation decreased libido impotence
reported placebo reported placebo reported placebo
Prozac 7% >1% 4% 0% 2% >1%
Zoloft 14 1 6 1 N.A.
Paxil 13 0 3 1 10 0
Celexa 6.1 1 3.8 1 2.8 1
Wellbutrin N.A. 3.1 .6 3.4 3.1
Effexor 17 1 6 2 6 1
Serazone >1 1 >1 >1
Luvox 8 1 2 1 2 1
At this time, there is no one best agent for the pharmacological management of the unique issues associated with male depression at midlife.
This article discusses andropause or viropause -- a syndrome associated with lack of or absence of testosterone. Even in healthy men, by the age of 55, the amount of testosterone secreted into the bloodstream is significantly lower than it was just ten years before. In fact, by age 80, most male hormone levels have decreased to pre-puberty levels. There are two general forms found in adult men who had normal hormone levels through puberty and young adulthood and who experience normal sexual development. One form, analogous to female menopause, as associated with the rapid drop of testosterone levels. Typical symptoms of this include:
Fatigue, loss of a sense of well being -- 82%
Joint aches and stiffness of hands -- 60%
Hot flashes, sleep disturbances -- 50%
Depression -- 70%
Irritability and anger -- 60%
Reduced libido -- 80%
Reduced potency -- 80%
Premature aging
Changes in hair growth and skin quality
Sounds familar..... for women at midlife..... because it is the same condition because the relationship between the ovaries, estrogen, the brain, and the pituitary are exactly the same as the relationship between the testis, testosterone, the brain, and the pituitary. Acute andropause in men is relatively uncommon, compared to acute menopause in women, because testicular function declines gradually in most men. There are a number of common causes, however, for acute testicular failure in adult men and these include:
viral infections such as mumps (which fortunately has been eradiacated by immunization)
surgical removal of or surgical injury to the testis and male reproductive tract ( testicular cancer, hernia repairs, ??vasectomies)
diseases when the immune system attacks and destroys the testis such as variations of systemic lupus erythematosis
subtle genetic abnormalities which permit normal adult development but lead to premature testicular failure (such as chromosomal mosaicism)
generalized vascular diseases such as diabetes and perhaps even problems caused by heavy smoking
chemotherapy
pituitary tumors (very rare)
The second form of this syndrome is more insidious since it occurs gradually. It is often confused with male midlife psychological adjustment disorders because it exactly mimics depression in midlife men. Male hormones decline gradually. Testosterone (from the testis), human growth hormone (from the pituitary), and DHEA and androstenedione (from the adrenal gland) all begin to drop. For many men, this does not occur until their 60s or 70s but there are older where it occurs much earlier. In addition, there is proteins in the blood which bind testosterone in a biologically inactive form. These are called sex human binding proteins or globulins. Their levels can rise in response to many conditions including medical disorders and exposure to other hormones including phytoestrogens (estrogens derived from plant sources such as soy) and other environmental estrogen -like compounds (pesticides, hormones used in agribusiness to produce fatter animals, etc.) As an example, there is some data suggesting that men on low fat or vegetarian diets have lower testosterone levels. The overall effect of rising sex hormone binding proteins is that there is less bio-available testosterone.
Diagnosis
First, men need to disassociate their ego from their testicles. Men needs to realize and accept that this disorder exists, that it is a simple endocrine problem which is no different than thyroid disease or diabetes, and that it can be treated. Spouses and employers also need to be aware that this is real so they can identify these men at risk early before their work, home, and families are disrupted. Perhaps, more important, physicians, psychologists, and other health providers need to be taught about this condition. The current paradigm in medicine is that there is no biological basis for behavioral changes in midlife men so it is ignored. But the diagnosis is quite simple--namely measuring either free testosterone blood levels or, as recommended by Dr. Malcolm Carruthers, computing the free androgen index (total testosterone x 100 /sex hormone binding globulin). There is some controversy as to what level of testosterone in men is normal with low end values ranging from 250-400ng/dl.
NORMAL ANDROGEN LEVELS mean range
Free testosterone -- men 700 ng/dl 300-1100
Free testosterone -- women 40 ng/dl 15-70
Free Androgen Index 70-100%
At a free androgen index less than 50% , symptoms of andropause appears. Of course, good medical care dictates that a comprehensive medical and psychological assessment along with a thorough laboratory assessment are necessary.
Testosterone Replacement Therapy
There is good evidence that testosterone levels drop as a man ages. There is a huge debate whether the testosterone level in older men should be adjusted up the mean testosterone levels in younger men.
What are the risks?
Prostate cancer-- At autopsies, most men by age 50 have nests of atypical cells in their prostate which look like prostate cancer cells. There is a great deal of concern among urologists-- particularly in the US when medical malpractice suits are a major concern-- that increasing testosterone levels might activate prostate cancer. On the other hand, there is a good screening test called Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) which all men over age 50 should have performed annually and which is relatively effective in detecting early prostate cancer. There is no evidence in the medical literature that testosterone replacement therapy increases the risk of prostate cancer.
Heart disease--there is a major concern that increasing male androgen levels would also increase serum cholesterol and serum LDL-Cholesterol levels. Oral methyltestosterone in particular will raise blood cholesterol levels. This increases the risk for coronary artery disease. On the other hand, "good" cholesterol (HDL-Cholesterol increases with exercise. Men using testosterone supplementation should have their serum lipids carefully evaluated and rechecked periodically.
Liver Disease--the only orally available forms of testosterone for men in the USA contain methyltestosterone. Unfortunately, if used for sustained periods of time, it can damage the liver. The Physicians Desk Reference cites several different forms of liver damage from high dose methyl- testosterone including liver cancer, cholestatic hepatitis, and other liver diseases.
Suppression of testicular function--As a general principle, whenever any hormone is administered, the gland which normal produces it ceases to function and recovery may be variable. Patients with borderline low testosterone levels may commit themselves to lifelong therapy if they start with testosterone replacement.
What are the benefits?
There is no doubt that the administration to testosterone to men with true testosterone deficency states will improve their health and sense of well being. The symptoms listed above will disappear. Unfortunately, impotence, or the inability to sustain and erection, does not respond well to testosterone therapy except perhaps only in men with severe hormone deficiencies. This comprises approximately 8-16% of men presenting to physicians with erectile disorders. There is no evidence that administering testosterone to men with borderline low testosterone levels will improve sexual functioning. For more information on erectile disorders, see our article on Impotence.
Forms of Testosterone for Men
Pills
Methyltestosterone (Android,Virilon,Testred, Oreton) 10mg, 25mg (not recommended)
Testosterone undecanoate (Restandol, Andriol) 40mg, essentially a testosterone in oil preparation (not available in the USA)
Mesterolone (Proviron) 25mg -- less potent (not available in the USA)
Transdermal Preparations
Testosterone--transdermal (Testoderm, Testoderm TTS, Androderm)
Injections
The following forms of injectable testosterone is available in the USA.
Testosterone Cypionate 100 mg/ml
Testosterone Propionate in Oil 100 mg/ml
Testosterone Enanthanate 200 mg/ml
The usual dose is 1cc injected weekly or bi-weekly. This route of administration eliminates the risk of liver damage which may be caused by methyltestosterone as well as eliminating the theoretical risk of changes in cholesterol caused by oral medications. The problem is fluctuating hormone levels and the discomfort of administration.
Subdermal Pellets
Many years ago, the Food and Drug Administration approved the use of testosterone pellets for male hormone deficencies. They are manufactured in our office by a compounding pharmacist. We place 6-8 testosterone pellets under the skin. These pellets dissolve slowly over a period of approximately three to four months. This provides a normal and very stable serum testosterone level. I feel that the addition of androgens in this form causes less lowering of HDL cholesterol, as this does not pass through the liver.
The implant procedure consists of a small incision through which a trocar and cannula are inserted. The pellets are inserted through the cannula, and then the cannula is withdrawn. The incision is then closed with a Steri-Strip, and pressure is applied until bleeding stops, and the area is then covered with a dressing. We have not had any major problems in terms of side effects from this procedure. Some expertise is required in terms of placing the pellets so that underlying structures are not traumatized.
The average cost per visit (approximately every 3 months) is in the range of $400. Insertion Fee is $160.00 and Pellets cost $33.00 apiece.
The requirement for the use of subdermal pellets include
Good General Health
No evidence for heart disease
Normal Cholesterol levels
Normal PSA levels
Normal prostate examination, no history of prostate disease
For a good reference, check out Malcolm Carruthers MD, Maximising Manhood, Harper Collins, London, 1997