How to flirt with strangers

Have you ever tried to flirt with a stranger?

To some, being able to strike up intriguing conversations with complete strangers comes naturally. Whether it be the cute guy who serves you your morning coffee or the sexy cocktail waitress who you're desperate to get her number (think George Clooney and his current squeeze Sarah Larson), some folks are born with that innate flirtatious quality that emanates from their every pore, giving them the ability to flirt, flirt, flirt with anything that has two legs and a heartbeat.

The key, of course, is knowing how to lean towards flirtatious rather than forceful. But oh, the pressure! We immediately want to feel the chemistry, the pizzazz and the za-za-zoo ricocheting back and forth and a conversation that flows as freely as the wine we're sculling back. And then there's another small problem: how do we go from "Can I get two sugars with my latte?" to a seductive whisper of: "So... what underwear do you have on?"

I admit it's no easy feat. An attempt to be sultry and smooth can quickly turn into the cry of a bumbling idiot without getting across anything witty, wise or memorable if you don't know how to do it right.

Yet no matter how undeniably daunting flirting with strangers might be, apparently we shouldn't shy away from it just yet. Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia says it can actually be good for our health. She says interaction with strangers could make us happier than money or status because, when we meet new people, we put our best selves forward, which does wonders to boost our mood ...

The results of a Yahoo! Personals study for World Heart Day add fuel to the must-flirt arsenal, with nearly 50 per cent of respondents saying they felt "young, fabulous and sexy" while flirting. A further 36.8 per cent admitted flirting gives them "a natural high" and makes them feel as though they get away with anything.

No wonder my mate Jane - a single, 35-year-old super flirt - is so happy all the time. Her ability to flirt with anyone - men, women, kids, pets, it doesn't really matter - never ceases to amaze me. And the rewards are plentiful: hot date offers, business proposals, freebies, discounts, meals, food, service, upgrades (she often flies first class thanks to her charms), the list goes on.

It's as though she's adopted best-selling author Joyce Jillson's infamous motto which says; "There are only a few times when you don't flirt. When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand."

Yet, for the rest of us, flirting doesn't come that easy, especially for reader Pip who says that after being burnt badly by her ex, she's having trouble getting back into the game. "Lately when I'm introduced to men I could potentially date I freeze up," she writes. "I don't know what to say or how to act. So instead of being flirtatious, I come across like a complete bimbo. And I'm brunette!"

Aussie dating expert Alex Nova, author of the e-book Attract Women Naturally, says all Pip needs is a little confidence.

"Flirting has a lot to do with a person's attitude," he explains. "Don't be afraid to take risks and don't worry about being rejected. Smile at people, specially at the ones you flirt with. It will make you so much more approachable. Friendly people with a smile draw others into the conversation. Maintain a prolonged eye contact, however don't intimidate your potential flirt by staring them into oblivion."

The question many often wonder, however, is whether or not the person they're trying to flirt with is indeed flirting back. Are they into us? Or are they just still standing there to be polite?

"The most obvious way to tell if someone is interested is when the person is making eye contact," says Alex. "The more direct clues are when they are trying to touch you, smell you and do anything else in hopes of attracting your attention. Keep en eye out for playful teasing as this is also another sure way of flirting with someone."

And if there's one thing you take from this column, let it be the advice from the mastermind in telling it like it is, Greg Behrendt author of He's Not That Into You:


"There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree."

What's your flirting tips? How do you flirt with strangers? Has it worked?
- Samantha Brett
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Posted by Samantha Brett
September 27, 2007 12:00 AM