Men lie. I don’t know why.
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
Friedrich Nietzsche
WARNING: In this article the words "men" and "they" are not meant not include all men, just those who do what I'm accusing them of doing.
There's no denying, men lie. Not all men, but the ones who do, lie a lot. (Women lie, too, but we'll deal with them later).
The lies men tell vary from the mundane and ineffective - the ones other people see through immediately, men and women - to the truly creative. The odd thing is, they never seem to learn which lies work and which don't. I've often wondered if there isn't a book they all secretly own, and choose their lies from: Lies that Work, I always thought it might be called.
Some experts say men lie more than women do; others claim the opposite. Everybody lies. But why do men lie so much? Here are the top ten reasons men lie:
1. To get sex.
Men will definitely lie to get sex. I once saw an apparently homeless man on the street, with a signboard that read: "Will work for food. Will beg for sex."
Some men are so desperate that they'll tell outrageous lies that a 2-year old retarded deaf mute wouldn't believe. Some examples:
"You are so beautiful I can't believe it." (To a plain girl who has known what she looks like for years. Even given the fact that beauty is subjective, this isn't going to fly very often. And although he'll brag to his buddies that he scored, he'll also lie and claim you are a real beauty, otherwise, no points).
"I would love to get married to some nice girl." (Yeah, but he's not likely to. He's 48 and NEVER has been married. You have to ask yourself: Why now? Why me?)
"Married?! Who, me? Of course not, would I lie to you?"
Yes.
The most critical lie men tell is, beyond doubt: "I've been tested, and I'm clean."
Number Two: "You can't get pregnant, I've been fixed."
2. They love to, and in many incidences, they don't believe there's anything "wrong" with it. They don't believe they're really "lying if they withhold some of the truth."
Men are so accustomed to lying to other men (I'm convinced this starts in childhood) that it just seems natural for them to lie to women, too. Men lie to their co-workers; they get together in bars to drink and to lie to each other about their role in "the war," about their income, the amount of their debt, what their car will do, etc., etc. There seems to be some unwritten rule that "I won't call you on yours, if you don't call me on mine."
Some men feel it adds something to their appeal/image if they can put something over on someone. With women, it's part of the "chase," the "challenge" ("I told her she was the nicest woman I ever met, and she tipped right over backward - har! Har! HAR!") It's useless to hold this against them, or try to make them stop. Many just can't.
Men don't seem to think it's a lie if it's for a good cause: to avoid hurting someone's feelings, for example (especially their own), or to get sex (they believe they're entitled), or to get out of sex.
3. Despite their love of fighting and war, they will lie to avoid conflict.
Many men love nothing better than to play war-like video games, to watch or participate in sports, where violence and competition rule; they love the idea of going to war, especially when young (of course there are exceptions, some old men would still sign up if allowed to), but if their wife or girlfriend catches them in some nefarious activity, they'll lie like floor polish to save their own behinds.
Down at the level where they live, though, men hate conflict. One reason may be that most of them face enough stress and competition at work that when they get home, all they want to do is relax, eat, watch a little TV or play with the kids, go to bed, have sex and segue into sleep before the next breath is drawn. Wise women will bring up the broken oven, the next telephone bill and other unpleasant news in the morning, when the man is fresh and rested.
4. They will also lie to get out of an unpleasant task, or when pressure is put on them to do something they don't want to do.
Pressure must feel to men like a noose slowly tightening about their necks, they react so negatively to it (is that what made "nagging wives" such a cliché?) Women often react negatively also, but they are less likely to react violently. No one likes pressure put on them. It would certainly be helpful if men felt comfortable expressing their feelings in the first place, and secondly, in a non-destructive way. Many men act as though feelings are almost alien to them - something that women were born with, but they weren't.
My brother was once married to a lovely woman he adored. But after several years, she left him. He was devastated, shocked ("How could she?!") and angry, and came to me to cry on my shoulder. He couldn't understand why Leslie had left him. "I thought we were happy!," he cried. I questioned him about what he wanted out of the marriage, and he told me. It appeared that Leslie had met all his needs. "So what did Leslie want?" I asked. He looked blank. It turned out that he didn't know what Leslie wanted, had never known, and I suspected, didn't much care. Men who suppress their feelings cut off a wide avenue of connection, and when it happens they have no one to blame but themselves. Feelings are universal: the most isolated pygmy tribe in Africa or wherever they live knows what anger is, what it feels like, and sorrow, jealousy and the other major emotions.
5. A man who is insecure is more liable to lie, or do worse.
Insecurity is awful for anyone, but men in particular seem to be vulnerable to it. I know a man who is terribly insecure; he needs to know where his wife is every moment of the day. He doesn't get angry or violent over her activities; he just needs to know. If he lapses and does something he feels is wrong and will reflect badly on him in her eyes, he is apt to lie about it. Women also lie for this reason. No one enjoys being busted. I know another, single man who lies all the time, but only about one thing. His age. He is actually 54 but tells the women he dates that he's 45. Some of them believe him. These men put pictures of other men on the dating sites (and think they can get away with it!); they may even go so far as to doctor their driver's license, or cut 5-10 years of their history away like pruning a bush.
6. They lie online because they think no one can hold them accountable (they're forgetting their wife, and that there's software available that will tell her exactly what sites they've been visiting, what they're saying in their emails, etc.)
The great thing about the Internet is that you can disguise yourself easily and tell any lie that appeals to you (that's also one of its great detriments). Men have been known to engage a teenage girl in a chat room in order to try to persuade her (1) that he's about her age; (2) that she'd be perfectly safe with him; and (3) she'll be missing a lot if she refuses to meet him. This is execrable behavior but despite the fact that there are severe penalties under the law, they continue to do it.
7. They'll lie if they feel trapped, or that someone is trying to trap them.
No one likes feeling trapped, but again, men are likely to react more...shall we say intensely, especially if they suspect someone's trying to manipulate them into marriage. The old, tried-and-true method of claiming pregnancy doesn't work any more - men know about birth control, too. I know a woman who met a man on Wednesday, and moved in with him on Thursday. In the first flush of love (sex) he allowed it. Now, while she's telling everyone they're getting married soon, he's trying to figure out how to get rid of her, and in this case, he's sure to feel justified in lying to her.
8. They'll lie if you bust them, and they see war coming.
This is closely aligned with #3, but there are slight differences. Men seem to feel more of an obligation to be truthful with their wives, less so with their children or bosses, but almost none with everybody else. If the man has done something he knows his wife won't approve of, he'll lie extravagantly to ward off her anger, or worse, disappointment in him. The stories they come up with are in the very back of the book, labeled "If all else fails..." These include "I had a flat tire," "I met an old friend from college" (he's never been to college), and "I was out all night because I got drunk and fell asleep in the car" (he doesn't drink, and doesn't own a car). Doesn't matter, he'll still lie and expect his wife to believe him.
9. They'll lie because their wife or girlfriend is stupid, or they think she's stupid.
A friend of my husband's nearly every night would stay in town after work instead of going home to his wife, sometimes until midnight or one or two in the morning. When my husband asked how he could get away with this, he laughed. "My wife is so stupid," he said, "she thinks Superman is a real person. She believes everything I tell her." He's now divorced.
10. They'll lie maliciously, for money or some other gain.
Some men don't care who they hurt with their lies. Two men in Florida recently conned a local business owner out of $50,000. They told him treasure was buried on his property.
They'll lie to get access to your savings, making you think you are the woman he's been looking for all his life, etc., etc. His money is tied up in investments, blah, blah, so he needs to use yours. Some of these guys are married to two or three other women they have bilked. If you find yourself embarrassed, feeling defensive or meeting ridicule when you tell your girlfriends about him, that's the time to tie yourself to a lamp post and think this over. If he really loved you, you wouldn't have to tell your friends, they'd already know. A man who is really, truly interested in the woman herself is difficult to get rid of.
How can I tell if a man is lying?
My friend Gloria says, "Look at his lips - if they're moving, he's lying."
Seriously, though, there are a couple of ways to tell: you can watch his body language. If he has his arms folded across his chest, he's expecting trouble and will probably lie to avoid it. His feet point to the way he wants to go, so if he's pointing at the door, stand back. Body language is useful, study up on it.
But mainly, pay attention to what he does. "Actions speak louder than words," and they also speak more honestly. When you first meet a man, he'll show you his best side, describe his accomplishments (sometimes borrowed from others), and shower you with attention, or even gifts. This slowly fades the longer you know him, and sooner or later he'll show you his shabby, under-the-rock side. This is the time when you'll make the decision whether to go on or not. With some men, it will take a year, with others, a few months will do it. Don't be home if those call back (and they always do).
The more you know about how and why men lie the better prepared you will be to deal with it when it happens to you!
Why Men Lie: Top 3 Reasons
By Melissa Balmer
Copyright © 2006, Seduction Insider, www.seductioninsider.com.
I decided to go straight to the horse’s mouth this time girls and ask a group of men I know straight out the top three reasons why they think men lie to women, and then why they personally have lied to women themselves. I found their answers very honest, enlightening and I think you will too. I also found it very interesting that more than one of the men stated different reasons for why he believes men lie in general and why he has lied himself.
Here is what Mark a 28 year old technical writer had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie In General:
1) For Sex
2) To Avoid Conflict
3) To Avoid Doing Something He Doesn’t Want To Do
My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I don’t know that I’ve ever lied outright for sex. Hmmm. Probably. Hard to believe that I haven’t.
2) If I’ve forgotten to do something, but I can do it before the lie can be found out, and I’m dealing with someone who will get bent out of shape, I’ll lie. Note that I’ll only do this with women who take it personally that I forgot and who will whine and get offended.
3) For number 3, this is a catch all: “I have to work late” to get out of some thing or another. Though, if I’ve said I have to work late, I do then generally work late. I don’t say I have to work late, then go do something else. Also, if I’ve already committed, I don’t then bag out at the last minute unless I really have to work late.
Jeff, a 32 year old grad student thinks his reasons concur with those of men in general:
My Personal Reasons For Having Lied To Women:
1) I lied because I did something wrong and I didn’t want to face up to it
2) I lied because I felt roped into a commitment
3) I lied because I didn’t want to worry her
Here’s some very honest and insightful views from Brett, a 36 year old P.R. executive in Los Angeles had to say:
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) Because they’re insecure. They’d never get the date if they admitted they were 5’6” or made less than $30,000 a year, so they figure they’ll “fudge” the truth and hopefully she’ll fall for him for all the other reasons women fall for men (that covers pretty much everything, by the way – as most things fall under the umbrella of insecurity). Alas, she won’t.
2) Because they have something to hide. This is another form of insecurity, since the truth often hurts. For example, if you’re married and looking for a fling, you’re most likely not going to admit to being married. Pretty much anything that will prevent one from getting a date will be glossed over for obvious reasons. Why tell someone you’re on Prozac? Or that your last relationship was emotionally abusive? Or that you’re fifty pounds overweight but “working on it”? This is what I call “bad truth”. You’re not lying, but you’re not giving full disclosure either. It makes sense – it just doesn’t end well in most cases.
3) Because they can. You’re not immediately accountable for anything when you’re hiding behind a computer screen and a fictitious username. Lying allows people to play out their fantasies and act more powerful than real life allows them to. Again it makes logical sense, but people adopting different personas online only set themselves up for failure in real life.
My Reasons For Lying To Women:
It may sound like a lie, but I never lie online. You need a healthy ego to be yourself in full, but the rewards are that no one will ever feel deceived when they meet you. I don’t disclose my income, or mention my dislikes at all – because why alienate anyone? Probably my most common non-disclosure is the don’t ask/don’t tell policy of dating multiple people. Women I’ve met often breach that by discussing their date last night or their upcoming date. I think it’s safe to assume most people are dating multiple people – there’s no value to mentioning it, however.
Usually it's just to stay on even ground. Women are more deceitful in "dating situations." and even though they say they are not dating others, they usually have more opportunity and will play the field more often. I find that too taxing and usually date one at a time. But I frequently, well, in the past, have found that women (LA women let's say) are not just dating to find a better match - they are dating multiples to find the best "deal" among them. When I discover this type of woman, Oh, let's call her a gold-digger for old times sake, I feel no compunction to tell the truth, but usually only lie for fun cause they won't be around me for very much longer anyway...
Here’s what Sam a 33 year old special effects wizard had to say:
I would imagine that all people lie because they are attempting to avoid confrontations that they know would arise if they told the truth. With that in mind this isn’t always a bad thing, but there is a fine line between what might be considered acceptable avoidance and deception. So, here are three examples spanning that range…
Top Three Reasons Men Lie To Women:
1) You're asked a leading question by your partner with no right answer. Example: Ex – Do you think she’s hotter than me? Am I fat? Etc…
2) You’re asked a question in which telling the truth will be to no ones benefit assuming that your actions are within reason. Example: Girlfriend “Were you drinking last night?” Guy “Yes” Girlfriend “Who were you with last night?” Guy “Mike” Girlfriend “Did you get a lap dance?” Guy “Yes”. If my girlfriend doesn’t want me drinking, hanging out with certain friends, or getting lap dances you’ll have shit to deal with, when the reality of these things is that they’re probably harmless in moderation.
3) You’re doing something devious and are totally busted like “What’s up with those charges from the Bunny Ranch” or “What are these hundreds of hours of phone calls to this number?”
Why Men Lie and Women Cry
By Lorraine Pirihi
I've just finished reading a great book by Allan and Barbara Pease entitled "Why Men Lie and Women Cry". A true and humorous account of the differences between the sexes and full of practical ways to communicate effectively.
I've enjoyed the book so much and felt it will be of great benefit to all of you that I just had to write up an extract from it:
Women Talk, Talk and Talk
" When a woman talks she often uses indirect speech. This means she hints at what she wants or infers things.
Women's indirect speech has a purpose - it builds relationships and rapport with other by avoiding aggression, confrontation or discord.
When women use indirect speech with other women there is seldom a problem - women are sensitive to picking up the real meaning. It can, however be disastrous when used on men.
Men Take Words Literally
Men use direct speech and take words literally. They find women's lack of conversational structure and purpose very disconcerting, and accuse women of not knowing what they're talking about. They respond by saying things like "What's the point here?" "Where is this conversation going?" and "What's the bottom line?"
Men then proceed to talk to a woman as if she is a mental patient or will cut her off by saying "We've been over this a dozen times", "How much longer will this take?" and "This conversation is too much hard work and isn't going anywhere!"
Indirect Talk In Business
When a woman uses indirect speech in business, it can prove problematic because men may have difficulty following a multi-tracked, indirect conversation.
Men need to be presented with clear , logical, organised ideas and information before they will make a decision. A woman can have her ideas and requests rejected purely because her male boss didn't have a clue what she really wanted.
Marie's Story
After six months of negotiations, Marie finally won the chance to present her company's new advertising program to a big financial client. The audience would be eight men and four women, the account up for grabs was worth $200,000, and she had 30 minutes to sell her story.
As she started into her presentation, however, she noticed how blankly the men were regarding her. She felt they were judging her critically and, assuming they were losing interest, she began to multi-track her presentation to try to spur their interest by going back to previous slides, talking indirectly and trying to show how one related to the other.
The women were giving her encouragement by smiling at her, using various facial expressions and making listening sounds like, "Uh huh", "Right!" and "Mmmmm" and generally looking interested.
Marie was excited by the women's feedback and started pitching her story to them, unintentionally ignoring the men. Her entire presentation became a juggling act. She finished and departed, convinced she'd done a great job and eagerly waited for the company's response.
Here's the conversation that took place between the male executives over coffee after Marie had gone:
Marketing Director: "Do you guys have an idea in hell c what she was talking about?".
Chief Executive: "No…she lost me. Tell her to sent the proposal in writing."
Marie had multi-tracked her presentation and used indirect talk with a group of men who didn't have a clue what she was talking about or what related to what. The women executives were happy with the presentation and had participated by asking questions but no man wanted to raise his hand and admit he didn't understand.
A woman needs to understand that if a man doesn't follow what she's saying he'll often pretend he understands rather than look stupid.
Regardless of a man's age, a woman still needs to talk with direct speech. Give him timetables, agenda, bottom line answers and deadlines.
Women need to be direct with men in business and give them one thing at a time to consider. Marie is still waiting for an answer…
"Why Men Lie and Women Cry, Allan and Barabara Pease info@pease international.com
The Final Word
This week I focused on women communicating with men, however there is heaps of great tips in the book to help you guys get along better with the fairer sex. .
I highly recommend you invest in "Why Men Lie and Women Cry". We've even been able to talk Barbara and Allan Pease into making a special offer to our subscribers (see page 2). I'm certain you'll discover some gems you can action immediately and dramatically improve your communications with the opposite sex.
About The Author
Lorraine specializes in working with businesspeople showing them how to dramatically boost their productivity, reduce the stress and the mess in their lives and have more time for enjoying their life. www.office-organiser.com.au, lorraine@office-organiser.com.au
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lorraine_Pirihi
Why do Men Lie? As featured in Womens World Australia March 2000
This handy reference guide to men's most frequent lies should help you see right through them and enable you to enjoy a sincere, honest and mutually satisfying relationship. If that is possible!
When it comes to doing household chores, men will often employ a crafty twofold lie and say, "I said I'll do it, so I'll do it." This implies that not only are they going to "do" whatever it is they are obviously never going to do, but that their word is their bond - another lie. Men would rather be honest, but saying "Not now, I'm staring into space" wouldn't have the desired effect. I've tried both, and I swear by the first one. Just like
women, men usually lie about how many people they have slept with. But, unlike women, men rarely trot out the same number twice. A man will exaggerate or underestimate, depending on the number of men he thinks the woman he's lying to has slept with.
Men usually lie to women about being wild in their youth. However, his story about the harrowing night he spent in the police cells is just a sad exaggeration of the time he was caught stealing a pencil and sharpener from Coles and cried like a baby until his mum picked him up.
A lot of the lies that men tell are nothing more than harmless vanity, but some can be downright dangerous. Watch out for bluffs like, "I'm a strong swimmer" and "Of course I know how to sail a boat." Avoid any scenario where you might have to rely on these dubious talents.
Men usually lie about how hard they work. They have always been experts at stretching two hours out into an eight hour day. In the old days, men lied to their wives about their grueling day, so they could lock themselves in the study and read Playboy instead of having to clean the barbecue grill. Now men not only have to lie to their wives, but to their female bosses as well.
When it's time for the end of a romantic relationship, male duplicity kicks into fifth gear. Even if he wants out, he'll do or say anything to make it seem like you're leaving him. Later, he'll call to say he can't live without you - usually when he discovers you've taken all the sheets.
A man who has cheated on you will lie about it well past the point of all rationality because, in hip mind, he has nothing to gain by telling the truth. Even when presented with incontrovertible evidence, a man will try to wriggle out of it - saying things like, "Oh dear, my evil twin must have escaped from prison again."
"I'm not drunk." This one's pretty obvious, especially as it usually sounds like "I'm nmmg dmgthph."
There is no reason to say you're not drunk - unless you are very drunk indeed.
When a man says he's thinking about giving up his career and opening a little bar on a beach in Fiji, he's not necessarily lying: he may really mean it, he may even do it. But he is lying when he says he'll take you with him.
When a man says sex with his ex-girlfriend was crap, he is lying. When he tells you sex with his ex was fantastic, he is lying again. Sex for men is one of life's constants: it's always pretty good.
From Charles Stanley -- Telling It Like It Is – John 9:13-25
The blind man willingly answered questions about his healing, no matter who asked. As a result, he received many different responses.
Neighbors argued over the truth of his story. They demanded to know how he received sight. The man honestly explained what happened. He said a man named Jesus gave him some instructions. When he obeyed, he was healed. The neighbors couldn’t deny what had happened. But they had trouble accepting his story because they couldn’t understand it. Today, the world still does the same thing. What they can’t explain, they try to deny.
The Pharisees also questioned how the blind man could see. In John 9:15, the man said, “He applied clay to my eyes, and I washed, and I see.” These leaders refused to believe him because they didn’t want to accept Jesus. They questioned the man a second time. And he simply repeated his testimony. He said, “I was blind, now I see” (John 9:25). They rejected his words again, refusing to change their beliefs. In the same way, some people reject God’s truth and cling to their own interpretation of the facts.
The blind man’s parents backed down when they were confronted by the Pharisees. They were afraid of the authorities, so they refused to tell the truth. Fear of someone’s reaction can keep us from speaking about our transformed life.
Men Love To Lie
By Heidi Muller
Every man who landed on this article knows why he's here. He isn't here to read a woman's point of view on dating. He isn't here to inform himself about what goes on in the mind of the opposite sex (men are convinced they have that one figured out, how wrong can they be?). And, he isn't here because his girlfriend e-mailed him this article.
Every man who is here, is here because he wants to read about the single thing all men have in common: their love of lying. Chances are, the men who are here are looking for anything that will validate their favorite pastime. Validation means they have an excuse to keep doing it.
liar, liar...
When I mean lying, I don't only mean lying to other women. Men will lie to each other with impunity about anything and everything under the sun, from the number of women he has slept with and his "alleged" size, to how much he bench presses at the gym.
Let's put the theory on the table. Men love to lie, but they are absolutely horrible at it. Women rarely lie, but when they do, it's a story so good that it could be the basis for 100 episodes of a Spanish soap opera.
You see, men who date have to lie. Part of the reason is that women force men to lie. An attractive woman comes down the street, and a man better say she's ugly and full of cellulite, or face the wrath of the dreaded Gucci handbag on the head.
Your woman put on a few extra pounds, you better say that she's in the best shape of her life, or else buying that handy bottle of hand lotion is as exciting as your love life is going to be for the next few weeks.
But beyond the faults women might have, men don't always have to lie. Yet they do as instinctively as they grab their privates on an hourly basis. Lies just shoot out of men's mouths with the ferocity of a machine gun.
These lies are often at the tip of their tongues, ready for any situation, and often so full of holes that they make Swiss cheese look like a water dam.
...pants on fire
Case in point: a girlfriend of mine came home earlier than usual to find her boyfriend in his underwear, with used condoms on the floor. Before she even had time to ask what was going on, the internal alarm inside of her boyfriend's head had concocted a story and spat it out.
His is a classic. He basically said that he was masturbating and decided to put on a condom so he can have anal sex with himself.
Right.
Beyond the mere physical impossibility of such a disgusting event even happening, why did he even leave the condoms around?
Laziness? Probably -- men are lazier than their Lazy-Boy chairs. More likely though, he figured the effort necessary to lie would be less than getting up from the couch, picking up the used condoms and putting them in the trash.
That's quite a bit of work when all you have to do is say you just became intimately acquainted with your "inner" self.
It's not entirely men's faults. They are raised to lie from the moment they are born. Protect your family and lie about bad things; lie about how you really wanted to cry during Forrest Gump ; lie about your age so you can buy the cheapest wine the 7-11 has to offer.
lying for a living
Is it a coincidence that men hold the majority of jobs that involve lying? Politics, government agencies, courtroom lawyers, plastic surgeons, psychiatrists -- who calls the shots?
Not that all men lie, of course not. But from experience (and 99% of women will back me up on this), the only men who don't lie are those devoted to their religion, gay, or have had their tongue removed.
Now let's turn the tables. Men lie often, but most times these are harmless lies that are said to protect their ego more than anything. Women have ulterior motives.
women's fib
Women hate lying. But unlike men, when they have to, they carefully craft a maze of stories, alibis and twists & turns that makes a Stanley Kubrick movie look like a children's TV show.
If men were a little smarter, they would figure out when a woman is lying. Here are some clues to let you know when a woman is spinning a wicked web (hint, hint, it's learning time).
my guy is the best in the world but oh my god he lies to me about the stupidest of things little white lies like last week he told me he was going to football training and to call over after i found out the following day he hadn't gone at all he went to look at some soccer match with his freind what was the point of that lie it made little difference to my life what he was doing that evening so why would he feel the need to lie
My friend was dating this guy who seemed so sweet and nice .. he used to do the sweetest things for her .. she use to always tell me how she had a feeling that he was lying to her all the time .. about everything and she didn’t know why. we ended up finding out that everything about him was a lie .. The car he drove, The job he had , Where he use to say he was at, He was also lying to his friends to make himself look good, I understand guys lie to us because in part we do put a lot pf pressure... Some of us wouldn’t date a guy with out a car , but we also wouldn’t want the guy to keep up a lie... at the end my friend found out he was picking her up in a car that he had borrowed from a girl he was dating.... I’m sorry but that was just too much .... That’s not having any kind of DIGNITY of MORALS!!!! so Men! QUIT LYING!!!!
Men lie to cover up their weak masculinity & they just want to appear interesting if they have a job here & there assigned . If they talk about career & so on ...also a way to escape if the girl will be too much clingy & they don't want too much responsibility ....a smart woman should know this .I can only give them a pity . Aside, they lie because they have such illness & wanted to be alone to take a rest & cured , it doesn't sound sexy to tell about sickness especially we are in a long distance & haven't see each other for many months ....save your drama to your mama !!!!!!!!
Nina1 - Thank you so much. Wow this sure sounds familiar! My sister met this man on the internet after emailing for several years. He brought her a computer - which he said he built himself. Every single time they had an argument, mysteriously the computer would pop up with a problem where she had to call the liar up. He knew things before she even told them to him. He also knew the high morals of our family. After some time, she began to listen to her gut feeling - because she knew something was not quite right with this whole scenario. We called up a good friend of ours, who is extremely dynamite on the computer. He found a Keylogging System, and Spyware installed on the computer. My sister did not inform the liar/stalker about it right away. She used the “conundrum” method. Knew immediately from his answers. Ladies if you ever want to find out what your man is up to and get the truth, (since this word does not fit into their vocabulary) type in their screen name into any search engine on the internet. My sister found certain groups online her boyfriend belonged to, which I am not going to list. He had a personal ad placed within the timeframe of the relationship. Everything he posted was all lies. Everything from day one was a lie. Ever have your man tell you he is going for a walk early in the AM, to call his mother, to return hours later… that this is his daily ritual? We know men have close relationships with their mothers, this was slightly overboard. He even used his mommy to fight his battles because he was too afraid to speak the truth. In the end, my sister is very happy to get rid of him.
My ex lied so much I am now finding it hard to reconcile when he may have told the truth throughout our relationship. Did he really love me like he said? At all? It's the hardest thing but as women we have to create a world that makes it safe for the man to tell the truth. We also need to be prepared to hear something we don't like and deal with it in a non-destructive way. We either have to decide we're going to live with it or walk away. Men need to learn how to embrace consequences of telling the truth without fear. If you don't love her anymore .. why stay and why lie about it? It's not going to do either of you any good. I agree that there is too much availability and not enough control in relationships today. Heck! Us girls need to learn not to give it up so easy and make HIM work hard to know you before he beds you. And this has to be universal otherwise he can easily walk away into some other woman's bed who is a little more carefree and loose about bedding men. I remember hearing somewhere if you want to know how a relationship is going to end .. look how it begun. I find this to be very true in my experience. The times when I've been an 'easy catch' the relationship has just as easily dissolved. The times when I have been more reticent and fussy has produced a more sincere and committed guy. Go figure? I just want to say to the guys who ready this - lying really, really hurts us girls. When we find one it then leads us to be unsure about everything else that comes out of your mouth. If you love her and respect her as a person - sit her down and tell her the truth even if you know it's going to hurt her like hell. She deserves no less and you need to be prepared for the consequences. If you really want the relationship to survive in the aftermath then you need to prove it to her with actions - NOT WORDS. Show her how much you love her. Take care to notice the trouble she goes to for you whether it's her appearance, the meals she cooks, the shirt she bought you - whatever. Girls - when he tells you the truth know that it took him a lot of courage to do it and try not to get hysterical because he slept with your best friend. I know you want to turn him into a frog and tear HER hair out but what is that going to do at the end of the day? It's going to drive him away faster than hare being chased by a cougar and it's going to revalidate to him that he was right for wanting to let you go in the first place. We have to keep our heads and know that if he's not the one - someone else is. Good luck everyone.
lies and alibis
Clue No. 1
The Unnecessary Phone Call
She calls you unexpectedly requesting as much information about your whereabouts and what your future schedule is for the rest of the day.
Will she sound suspicious?
Not really, she'll smoothen out all her answers with what she will do to you tomorrow .
What is she really trying to do?
She's trying to gage how much of an alibi she needs and where you were during the day to prevent you from bluffing later about knowing her whereabouts.
Clue No. 2
The Reversal
She does something out of the ordinary, and when you ask her about it, she turns it around and makes it a question about trust, and how you have no right to question her.
What is she really doing?
Rather conveniently, she has put the thing men dread on the table; the talk about "feelings". There is no better way to divert suspicion than to get a man into a tête-à-tête about trust.
End result?
He won't ask another question, and she just got away with going out to lunch with that cute Italian guy.
Clue No. 3
The Affection Level Is Too High
Is there anything more suspicious than when a woman suddenly starts kissing you like you were Bob Barker from The Price Is Right ?
What's going on?
The beginning of a cover-up that rivals JFK's assassination.
What did she do wrong?
Something very, very bad. Or she's pregnant.
Clue No. 4
The Look
What look? The look that she's mad -- very deeply mad. The type of mad that reads "I am justified in everything I just lied/or will lie about." This is a variation of Clue 2.
What's the tactic?
Men cannot deal with women that are mad. Any clues about the lie or screw-ups can be blamed on anger, emotions and hurt. Talk about an alibi.
Are men helpless?
Yes.
take this lying down
Women hate lying, they do it only out of necessity. Men love it; it gives them validation to their illusions of grandeur. Women do it like professionals; men do it with amateurish results.
Will anything change? No. Will men ever lie like women? No, too much work. Should you take any part of this article seriously? No, you should take it as an insight into the minds of women, and read it with a wink. A little light and fun reading never hurt anyone.
Happy lies!
Top 10: Reasons Men Lie To Women
By Shawn Croft
No matter what you preach, sometimes you just gotta lie. For better or worse, it is a fundamental part of our lives that may not be moral, but still remains. There are many, many different cases in life where telling your woman the truth only gets you into trouble. But if you could somehow manage to say something that doesn't hurt her, you're in the clear. Hey, it's better than revealing what you really did last night.
As the more "rational" sex (or so we tell ourselves), men can usually see the bigger picture. And white lies serve to leapfrog over all the yelling, petty explanations and frustration. Lying helps to avoid the emotional blowup over a small incident that we know is really insignificant.
So to further prove my point, here are ten reasons why sometimes, lying is the best way to go:
Number 10
Think of the alternative. If you tell your girlfriend you got toasted with the guys last night instead of preparing for that nice weekend in Vermont, she'll flip. Oftentimes, girlfriends are simply too sensitive to accept the fact that you held your own and did something your way. You'd be wise to realize that you'd save yourself and your woman a lot of time and pain by blurting a little lie instead.
Number 9
Throw in a few lies about how much that tennis bracelet really cost and it's a lot simpler than saying you had to take out a loan to please her. Why put yourself through a lot of discussion when you can simply end it by saying what she wants to hear? Both parties are happy, and no one gets hurt.
Number 8
Usually, a great part of being the "man" in a relationship is having control. Often, even if they don't directly admit it, some women like being submissive, letting you take command. If this is the case, who can blame you for twisting a story your way in order to assert power? That's right, you did think of setting up that romantic dinner all by yourself...
Number 7
When you arrive late to an important dinner at a nice restaurant, are you really going to tell her that the game went into overtime? It's more amusing and also lifesaving to say you pulled over to help an elderly woman with a flat tire or, more realistically, a policeman flagged you down for a busted taillight. Again, by stating that you were in a situation either beyond your control or in which someone was in need of your assistance, the blame spins away from you and you get showered with happiness that you made it.
Number 6
In a relationship that has recently become serious, the last thing you want to do is let her down and destroy all that trust that has taken you months to build. In lying about why you missed her important family gathering, you still maintain your integrity. That is not to say that this is like baseball, however: In this situation, it's two strikes and you're out. You have one "get out of jail free" card and that's it.
You're scared of her, admit it...
Number 5
Sure, you could stay up all night arguing about what you really meant when you said she was looking "thick" today, but you could end it right now if you bust out some truth twisting. When you're in a sticky situation, escaping with something made up will leave you untainted. This is not limited to romantic relationships, but can also be useful with any over-observant co-worker, mother-in-law or even parole officer.
Number 4
Admit it. Somehow, somewhere, you took a wrong turn and got "whipped," unlike the "empowered" guy in number eight. Now you've dug yourself a hole and although she keeps saying that she'd rather hear the truth than a story, you know she'll go nuts on this one. Out of sheer fright, you must lie to save the relationship. It is not an option, but a duty. You like this woman a lot? Then one little white lie won't hurt.
Number 3
The main reason for being dishonest is not for kicks, but to save your woman a world of heartache. You would never do it in an extreme situation, I hope. When asked "Am I fat?" or "Does this orange lipstick go with my purple dress?" it's actually a trap waiting for you to get tied up in. Of course, she wants you to be truthful, but she'll be hurt if you say what you're really feeling. In this case, a short complimentary answer is in order. In doing this, you'll be boosting her self-confidence and avoiding a full day of the "silent treatment."
Number 2
When an important commitment comes up that you cannot bring yourself to attend (one of her many friends' housewarming parties), you can make like Houdini and disappear behind a tiny lie. When an important Sunday church service lands on the same day as the NFL playoffs, you know what to do. Grin and bear it next week, but say you need to stay in bed this time due to a stomachache. She'll be glad you still want to go and will surely make an exception this time.
Number 1
Just like reverse psychology, lying is a tool men want, nay, need in their arsenal when facing a mood-changing, confusing woman. Whether on a first date or while enduring your one-year anniversary, one could delicately talk himself up. Picking up girls at clubs or bars requires a bit of this lying ability, aside from being debonair and having a bank of good lines.
choose your lies carefully
While lying is an important facet of a man's game, it is always done for good. Properly used, no one will end up hurt and you can move on. This is the key. White lies should be in your "reserves," but nothing more. It is in our nature to use these devices to please and if she is none the wiser, why stop? Just remember; once you're caught lying, you may end up on the whipped side of the spectrum, or worse, alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment