Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Narcissist personality disorder

(A.D. Note: this was written by an unknown author, not me)
One thing I battle with in this whole thing is whether I am perhaps “diagnosing” the N and sort of “condemning” her too soon or too harshly. I know you may say what does it matter, just look at the way she treats you etc…, but still. Do they really inhabit such completely different emotional landscapes to the ones we are familiar with in us? Can they say “I love you” and be so, so, so FAKE and pretending about it that there is not even the slightest love-meaning in it whatsoever? Hell, I have on occasion also said those words with some shall we say poetic license. Are there people out there that can pretend so well, yet be so artificial, to the extent that that they can delude everybody around them (for years and years), with me now all of a sudden being the only one to “recognising” her for what she truly is?
Questions spinning around my inside….
"Can they say 'I love you" and be so, so, so FAKE...."
Did you see Casablanca? Did Ingred Bergman really love Humphrey Bogart? Hell no, she was an actress doing a hell of a job, playing a part. Did you see Notting Hill? Does Julia Roberts really love Hugh Grant? Hell no, she was an actress playing a role. Did she say "I love you" convincingly? Damn right she did. Did Rene Russo really love Pierce Brosnan, Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, Tom Berenger, etc.? She said she did in a whole host of movies. She couldn't have been faking could she? She wasn't just acting, was she?
That's what life & relationships are like for an N. They are great actors. They know what to say. They are convincing. They are damned good at the roles they play. But it is just a role. They finish the part, do their D&D and move on to their next role. You know it is true. Like all of us have, though, you are going through a phase where you don't want to admit it. It's a phase we all go through, and most of us get past, kicking & screaming and not ever wanting to believe it, but eventually reality sets in and we have no other choice but to believe it.
The male N i met at the time became a very good friend also. I made the mistake of getting him to depend on me too much, because at the time I took on all his problems. (all made up of course)
I honestly thought he was going to commit suicide so i sat with him most nights. I had no idea I was only being manipulated.
I was told by a friend that he fell in love with me but because he liked my husband he decided not to get me away from him.
That was his whole intention all the time.
His co-worker fell madly in love with him. N told his co-worker he loved her madly. The co-worker also new that he loved another lady in another country. At the same time he was telling another lady he loved her. He kept his women in compartments. Each one knowing nothing about the other, except for the co-worker. Ns play games together.
So Ns can fall madly in love with quite a few ladies at the same time. This ensues that all the ladies stay in his spell and they all become his possesions. He has power and control over them.
They keep one lady with them, then seek others he can fall in love with to get them to love him.
It is not love by my standards, what I would call it is hypomanic lust or egomania. Their love is very short lived.

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