Enneagram -- TWO

"Two" by Tom Chou
Helpers.
Helpers focus their lives on giving and receiving love. They want to know that they are first in people's hearts, and enjoy the challenge of drawing people into their web, often by seductive means. Twos are attracted in two opposite directions: toward people with power, whose agenda they can support, and towards the needy, those who most need their caring spirit. Healthy twos are charming people who also take their roles in society very seriously. They spontaneously help others, give gifts, and make themselves indispensible without expecting anything in return. Less healthy twos still give to others, but selfishly expect something in return, or they may play favorites, helping some but ignoring others.

Famous twos: Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Bill Cosby, Gloria Estefan, Eleanor Roosevelt.
Comparisons with other types: Nines and twos both feel others' needs more than their own, and both like to have positive feelings for others. The difference is that nines tend to erase their own selves in favor of the other, while twos do not erase themselves, and in fact tend to magnify their egos when they're helping others.

3. Motivators. Motivators admire success, and want others to admire their successes. Threes are often impressive people with impressive credentials, accomplishments, and personal contacts. They are adaptable people who recognize that success means different things in different cultures, and are able to win the admiration of varied groups of people. They are often sought out by organizations as spokespersons who can make a dynamite impression on an audience.
Tom's site : http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~tchou


"Two" by Tom Condom
People who see the world interpersonally and define themselves through service to others. May be selfless, loving and giving or dependent, prideful and hostile.



In the organization of the Enneagram, Twos, Threes and Fours form an "emotional trio," in that they share some general tendencies and undercurrents. People within this trio of styles can experience a kind of ongoing confusion about their identities, confusing who they are with the roles that they play and images of who they seem to be.

All personality styles do this to some degree, but Twos, Threes and Fours are most deeply prone to confuse seeming with being. They share a general tendency to lose track of how they actually feel, in favor of how they imagine they feel within the roles they are playing. People with these styles have the most conflicts in relationships and matters of the heart. They are least well-developed in the realm of core emotions.

Two is the most purely interpersonal of all the Enneagram styles. Twos are apt to conceive of life as a fundamental give and take between people, regarding all human beings as members of one vast family. Within this point of view, giving love becomes the most important thing a Two can do.

People with this style have a well-developed capacity to identify emotionally with the needs of others. They have a strong unconscious habit of "sending" themselves over to other people and intuitively divining what another might be feeling or needing. Healthy Twos practice this habit voluntarily; they willingly identify with others as an act of love and can also then return to their own point of view. They are able to care for the needs of others and yet return to their own emotional truth and attend to their own needs. The phrase "lend yourself to others but give yourself to yourself" describes what Twos do when healthy.

The high side of this style is expressed through truly selfless love and exceptional ministerial skills. The Catholic nun Mother Teresa is an example of a Two who dedicates her daily life to the relief of suffering among the poor. Portraits of saints often describe the behavior of devoted Twos and descriptions of Jesus Christ read the same way. Whether or not it has succeeded, the classical intention of Christianity is fundamentally Twoish.

Living to give to others is tricky because you must be very honest about your motives and recognize that you have personal needs that may impact on your desire to give.
When Twos are more entranced, they begin to repress their own true needs and funnel their energies towards taking care of others -- whether the others need it or not. Something happens to the Two's strategy of identifying with outside people; they still "send" themselves over to others, but now they forget to return to their own position. Instead, Twos form a codependent bond with another person and give in hopes of being recognized. Twos also can begin to fear abandonment and being alone. When overly identified with others, they lose their sense of themselves and, in a way, compulsive giving is an attempt to take care of their own lost self. Through others, Twos try to give back to themselves.

Flattery, manipulation and seduction are all used by Twos in the service of getting others to respond to and define them. The Two need to give is so strong that it becomes selfish and what is "given" comes with an invisible price tag. It's often a high price as the Two, in compensation for having lost their real self, begins to inflate and exaggerate the importance of their contributions.

Not surprisingly, Twos can have struggles in relationships because it's important to know your own true feelings and motives in order to relate cleanly to others. Their exaggerated self-importance is otherwise known as pride and when Twos are really unhealthy, pridefulness becomes their most striking feature.

What maddens others about unhealthy Twos is the way they package what feels like hostility as love. When Twos are deeply entranced, they are usually quite deluded about their motives. They replace their real feelings of selfish desperation and aggression with the image of an altruistic martyr who is owed big sums for their wonderful efforts.

The saintly high side of this style is very high indeed while the lowest expression can be drastically destructive. The motif of stalking an objectified "loved one" goes with the unhealthy side of this style as does the metaphor of the vampire, who lives on the blood of others.



FAMOUS TWOS
Alan Alda, Yasser Arafat, Tammy Faye Bakker, Harry Belafonte, Child psychologist T. Berry Brazelton, Filmmaker Ken Burns, Actress Ellen Burstyn, Leo Buscaglia, Barbara Bush, Jesus Christ, Glenn Close, Bill Cosby, Self-help author Barbara de Angelis, John Denver, Princess Diana, Faye Dunaway, Feminist Betty Friedan, Kathie Lee Gifford, Danny Glover, Roosevelt Grier, Melanie Griffith, Former U.S. Ambassador Pamela Harriman, Leona Helmsley, Psychologist Karen Horney, Whitney Houston, Arianna Huffington, Actress Anne Jackson, Author Erica Jong, Actress Sally Kellerman, Actress Sally Kirkland, Diane Ladd,
Jerry Lewis, Actress Susan Lucci, Madonna, Alma Mahler, Imelda Marcos, Florence Nightingale, Merlin Olsen, Yoko Ono, Jack Paar, Jack Perkins, Fitness author Susan Powter, Priscilla Presley, Sally Jessy Raphael, Nancy Reagan, Mr. Rogers, Family therapist Virginia Satir, Danielle Steel, Rod Steiger, Sally Struthers, Mother Teresa, Marlo Thomas, Actor Richard Thomas, Actress Jennifer Tilly, John Travolta, Ivana Trump, Desmond Tutu, Actress Lesley Ann Warren, Brazilian singer Xuxa.

Two With a 1 Wing
This wing brings conscience and emotional containment to the basic Two style. When healthy, they act from general principles about the value of serving others. Ethics come before pride. May hold themselves to high standards. More discreet and respectful of other people's boundaries. When upset, tend to go quiet and experience strong emotions internally. More melancholy than Twos with a 3 wing.

When less healthy and entranced, tend to confuse their sense of mission with self-centered needs. Go blind to their own motives; invade and dominate others. Believe their actions are perfectly justified by their ethic of helping. May repress their personal desires and focus on others as a way to avoid guilty dilemma between the rules and their inner needs. If really blind they will warp their ethics crazily to justify personal selfishness and prideful hostility.

Real-Life Twos With a 1 Wing: Alan Alda, Yasser Arafat, Harry Belafonte, T. Berry Brazelton, Ken Burns, Barbara Bush, Jesus Christ, Glenn Close, Bill Cosby, Betty Friedan, Danny Glover, Pamela Harriman, Jerry Lewis, Yoko Ono, Mr. Rogers, Virginia Satir, Desmond Tutu.

Movie Twos With a 1 Wing: Kathy Bates, Misery; Joan Cusack, Men Don't Leave; Piper Laurie, Carrie; Laurence Luckinbill, Star Trek V - The Final Frontier; Kate Nelligan, The Prince Of Tides; Barbra Streisand, The Way We Were; Marlo Thomas, In The Spirit; Charles White Eagle, Three Warriors.

Two With a 3 Wing
This wing brings Twos an extra measure of sociability and the capacity to make things happen. When healthy, can be charming, good-natured and heartfelt. Really get things done, serve effectively on projects that involve the well-being of others. Thrive on group process and are generally good communicators. Enjoy keeping several threads or projects going at once.

Entranced Twos with a 3 wing can be quite emotionally competitive and controlling. 3 wing brings a double dose of vanity. Strong tendency to live in one's images. May grow brazenly deluded, preferring their glamorous, self-important scenarios to reality. Tendencies to deceit and emotional calculation. Highly manipulative. This wing is also more extroverted; dramatization of feeling in the form of hysterical snit-fits is far more possible.

Real-Life Twos With a 3 Wing: Leo Buscaglia, Kathie Lee Gifford, Leona Helmsley, Whitney Houston, Arianna Huffington, Sally Kirkland, Susan Lucci, Madonna, Imelda Marcos, Susan Powter, Nancy Reagan, Danielle Steel, Richard Thomas, Jennifer Tilly, John Travolta, Ivana Trump, Xuxa.

Movie Twos With a 3 Wing: Glenn Close, Meeting Venus; Maynard Eziashi, Mr. Johnson; Joel Grey, Man On A Swing; William Hurt, Kiss Of The Spider Woman; Angela Lansbury, The Manchurian Candidate; Shirley MacLaine, Postcards From The Edge; Madonna, Truth Or Dare, Michel Serrault, La Cage Aux Folles; Meryl Streep, She-Devil.

CONNECTING POINTS (Stress and Security)
Two's Connection to 4
Like Ones, Twos have an emotional connection to 4. Their feelings also tend to have a melancholy flavor. Healthy connection to 4 helps Twos develop their inner life and maintain an independent, possibly artistic point of view. Shift focus off roles and other people, search for themselves within. A need for self-expression and creative release often follows. Connection helps with emotional honesty as Twos start to see the dark side of giving and their own tangle of mixed motives. Admit their emotional complexity and personal needs.

When more entranced, this connection brings a tendency towards self-pity, obsessive love and depression. May become guilt-inducing martyrs haunted by melancholy. Disown their capacity to be alone. Begin to fear abandonment. Can slip into unrequited love scenarios or develop romantic obsessions. Low side of 8 fuels aggression in the pursuit of a romanticized other. The low side of this connection can also bring a haughty artistic pretentiousness and, occasionally, a streak of morbidity.

Movie Twos who demonstrate this connection: Isabelle Adjani, The Story Of Adele H; Linda Hunt, The Year Of Living Dangerously; William Hurt, Kiss Of The Spider Woman; Laurence Luckinbill, Star Trek V; Madonna, Truth Or Dare; Isabella Rossellini, Zelly And Me; Meryl Streep, She-Devil, Sophie's Choice; Barbra Streisand, The Way We Were; Marlo Thomas, In The Spirit; Charles White Eagle, Three Warriors.


Two's Connection to 8
Healthy connection to 8 helps a Two make stronger personal boundaries and assert their own needs. Develop and express an appropriate honest selfishness. Brings self-confidence and a direct, almost blunt communication style. Have force of personality for getting things done, especially projects related to their inner sense of mission. May care less about other people's opinions. Can be quite decisive; do well in leadership positions.

The low side of a Two's connection to 8 brings anger and aggression in the service of self-importance. Vengeful blaming. Demanding, prima donna behavior. If a Two's pride is insulted or they feel under- appreciated they can act out nastily like an unhealthy Eight. Two then goes on thinking they are a caring, giving person and blocks out evidence of their own hostility. If more unhealthy, they can turn persecutory, using their sensitivity to others to gather ammunition for outbursts of Eightish cruelty. True hatred and acts of violent retribution possible.

Movie Twos who demonstrate this connection: Kathy Bates, Misery; Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction; Jaye Davidson, The Crying Game; Glynis Johns, Zelly And Me; Ray Liotta, Unlawful Entry; Laurence Luckinbill, Star Trek V; Shirley MacLaine, Postcards From The Edge.

SUBTYPE THEMES
Self-Preservation
Self-preservation Twos often harbor a striking sense of entitlement. May act superior to others and expect preferential treatment that reinforces their pride. Can seem shameless in their expectation of pampering. Behind this attitude is a logic that says, "I give and do so much for others, I deserve to be treated as someone special." Like an unconscious collection of fees for sacrifices made. Others who encounter this attitude are often amazed at a self-preservation Two's self- importance and diva-like behavior.

Real-life people with this subtype often have a 3 wing. Dip easily to the low side of 8 when angry. Not many movie examples, but Kathy Bates displays some of this theme in Misery. Glynis Johns has some of it in Zelly And Me, as does Madonna in Truth Or Dare. A real-life self-preservation Two is American hotelier Leona Helmsley.

Intimate
Tend to act seductive and aggressive by turns. Basic interest is in finding romantic union. Generally confuse sexual desirability with being loved and valued. Act receptively interested in others, use inviting touches. May ooze some combination of charm and sexuality.

When they encounter resistance will begin to push and challenge. Try to find a way around the other's objection. May go militant and angrily blame (connection to 8). Behind these flare-ups is a melancholy desire for total enmeshed connectedness to another. Yearning is related to the low side of 4.

Barbra Streisand in The Way We Were is an exact depiction of this subtype. Other examples include William Hurt in Kiss Of The Spider Woman, Ray Liotta in Unlawful Entry, Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.

Social
Twos with this subtype are notable for their ambition, particularly to be publicly recognized as someone special. Seek attention either directly from their own efforts or via affiliation with powerful people. In the former scenario, a Two works to draw an audience through socially useful works or some kind of performing. Confuse being noticed with being loved. Can sometimes act provocative or obnoxious as this is better than being ignored.

Might also marry someone influential and concentrate their energies on the spouse's ambitions. Can groom their children to become achievers. Stage mothers and political spouses are possible roles. Often have a 3 wing but a 1 wing is possible.

Video examples include: Madonna, Truth Or Dare; Angela Lans-bury, The Manchurian Candidate; Laurence Luckinbill, Star Trek V; Shirley MacLaine, Postcards From The Edge; Marisa Paredes, High Heels; Rosalind Russell, Gypsy.
QUOTES :

"(Modesty) ... The art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are." - Anon

"Pride: this acceptable disease, which so sweetly sets upon us, ravishing our senses, lulls our souls asleep, puffs up our hearts as so many bladders." - Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

"Never speak of yourself to others; make them talk about themselves instead: therein lies the whole art of pleasing." - J. and E. de Goncourt

"The art of pleasing is the art of deceiving." - Vauvenargues

"We are rarely proud when we are alone." - Voltaire

"There is nothing sweeter than to be sympathized with." - George Santayana

"The vocation of every man and woman is to serve other people." - Leo Tolstoy

"The neophyte therapist, as well as the experienced one, is often stunned by the extent of the hostility with which good intentions are met." - Sheldon Roth

"No sickness worse than imagining thyself to be perfect can afflict thy soul." - Jallaludin Rumi

"Frequently a big advantage can be gained by knowing how to give in at the right moment." - Fenelon

"No one is so accursed by fate,
No one so utterly desolate,
But some heart, though unknown,
Responds unto his own." - Longfellow, "Endymion,"

"The burning conviction that we have a holy duty toward others is often a way of attaching our drowning selves to a passing raft." - Eric Hoffer
Tom's site : http://www.thechangeworks.com/
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"Two" by MaryBast
The Mentor

Lonnie Sands was the General Manager for Customer Service for her company. She had encouraged her team to switch roles several times over the past few years in order to broaden their perspective and deepen their experience. Some were reluctant in the beginning because they were comfortable with what they were doing, but they had acknowledged several months into their new responsibilities that they were maturing rapidly in their careers. More recently, Lonnie had worked with the team to design a structure that ensured fast and flexible responses to changing customer needs, and they were very proud of their results to date.

However, in spite of the fact that Lonnie was supportive and had given them growth opportunities, they felt she'd pushed them too far too fast. When they tried to discuss this, she felt betrayed by any criticism on their part. Her peers described Lonnie as manipulative -- somehow, whatever she wanted she found a way to get, with or without their cooperation.

Development for Lonnie centered around being more assertive and direct about her own needs; consequently she was better able to achieve the outcomes she wanted without alienating her peers, and without her subordinates feeling they'd been given a slow curve.



Typical Comments:

"I think it's important to always focus on what we need to be doing to serve others."

"Was that helpful?"

"Of all the people in the organization the CEO could have called, he called me."

"Both of my parents were alcoholics, and I took care of them from a very early age."

Description:

The most interpersonally oriented of all the leadership styles, healthy Mentors are unconditionally caring leaders who derive deep satisfaction from seeing and encouraging the development of others; they are typically great supporters of customer service. Well-developed Twos will also be aware of their own needs, which provides balance in their lives and allows them to give freely, without expectation of return.

Their driving force is pride, which is attached to their self-image as helper; out of this Twos tend to be in the middle of things, giving help and advice whether others want it or not. When less developed they have a sense of entitlement and can use manipulation to influence people. If they feel betrayed they may even become vindictive ("after all I've done for you!").

Developmental skills include acknowledging their own needs, seeing how they contribute to their own workload and saying no, setting clearer boundaries, and asserting their interpersonal power more directly. A key development need is loving-kindness, which is true compassion without expectation; another is humility.



EXECUTIVE DEVELOPMENT PLAN
for Nick Castle--Type Two

Note to the Reader: What follows is a composite development plan created for a typical Type Two executive. While "Nick" is unique in many ways he also clearly illustrates how some Two dynamics play out in the workplace. As you read through this plan, begin to formulate what you would suggest as developmental actions for Nick (and for Twos in general). Then compare your ideas against his actual development work.)

I. ENNEAGRAM LEADERSHIP STYLE

Like Threes and Fours, Twos are "image" types, who can disconnect from how they actually feel when they are playing a role that is driven by their Enneagram strategy. In organizations they tend to take others under their protection, hence the label I have given Twos: "Mentors". The most purely interpersonal of all the Enneagram styles, Twos tend to perceive life in relational terms. This plays out in an upbeat way with their masterful ability to serve customer needs and/or their genuine concern for helping others to grow and succeed in the organization. Because their focus is outward, however, Twos are less in touch with their own needs -- in fact, they tend to get their needs met through their efforts to help others. Less self-aware Twos become driven by pride in their role as helper, and they can be indirect and manipulative. It is actually growthful for Twos to pay more attention to their own needs and to ask for what they want directly, instead of being "the power behind the throne". When fully developed, Twos are unconditionally caring and extremely influential because of their ability to connect with people and to read others' motivations.

Because of your Three "wing" or back-up style, Nick, you tend to play out the Two strategy with a particular entrepreneurial ability and sociability. You also have a connection to the innovative Four and to the take-charge Eight:

Your willingness to see the down side of your life-long focus on helping and to take a look at your own unmet needs is reflective of your Four connection (Fours are typically very focused on their own feelings). You also have the Four knack of looking at situations from a new perspective. Your continuing depression and difficulty sleeping are characteristic of the Four, as well -- when a Two is depressed that's often a sign of resistance to change, stemming from the fear of being unlovable if not playing the role of "giver".
Eights are very responsible people, as reflected in your self-confidence and force of personality for making things happen, especially where they fit your inner sense of mission. Sometimes Twos adopt the Eight's aggressiveness in a particularly emotional way that is off-putting to subordinates -- though this is difficult for Twos to acknowledge, intent as they are on seeing themselves as thoughtful and nurturing. And like Eights, Twos can be too protective -- assuming that they know what people need and acting on their behalf. This can keep a relationship unbalanced, with the Two seeming "strong" and the other person seeming "weak". This also keeps others at an emotional distance -- an irony for someone with such a strong interpersonal focus!
II. MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR (MBTI)

Found in about five percent of the general population, people with ENTP preferences are ingenious innovators who always see new possibilities. They have a lot of imagination and initiative for starting projects and energy for carrying them out. They deal imaginatively with social relationships, as well, and are extremely perceptive about people -- their goal is to understand rather than to judge others. Their good humor and optimistic outlook tend to be contagious, and people seek out their company. They understand and deal well with organizational politics.

ENTPs are the most reluctant of all the MBTI types to do things the way they?ve always been done -- they characteristically have an eye out for a better way. They are keen judges of pragmatics--the design or plan is just a means to the ENTP -- the end is the invention that works, the prototype that is replicable. As an entrepreneur, a rough draft is all they need to proceed into action. The faith of ENTPs is in their ability to improvise something, and they display an unusual talent for rising to the expediency of a situation.

They may be interested in so many different things that they have difficulty focusing; however, their thinking ability helps them analyze and constructively criticize their inspirations, thus adding depth to their intuitive insights. They are sure of the worth of their inspirations and tireless with the problems involved, but ENTPs are not likely to stay in any occupation that does not provide new challenges. They hate uninspired routine and may get bored with projects as soon as the initial challenge has been met and the major problems solved. They are happiest and most effective in jobs that permit one project after another, with someone else taking over as soon as the situation is well in hand.

(Excerpted from Introduction to Type, by Isabel Briggs Myers; and Please Understand Me, by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates.)

III. KEY STRENGTHS

Consistent with your MBTI (ENTP) and Enneagram (Two) profiles, the combination of your pragmatic, outcome-oriented focus and your interpersonal skills are such that feedback from others about your leadership was generally quite positive. One source of input said that there is no doubt this job was meant for you. You are very good at strategy and very industrious in learning what you need to know to be on target with the overall vision, as well as being very articulate about the vision. ("I have been very impressed with what I've seen in the last couple of months: Nick's made a point of getting outside our company and expanding his reference points in the industry; he has consciously worked to inform himself about the industry and some of its alternative directions." "He's initiated analysis in some areas of interest and carved out personnel to follow up on things that were not urgent in terms of time pressure but critical in providing information to the company.")

Your description of yourself as more of an "Inventor" than a "Scientist" -- someone who puts things together in ways people haven't thought of before to perform a specific function -- was borne out by others' feedback. You were described as very good with problem solving, "bringing in the players and enabling them to contribute effectively." You have very little innate bias, you like thinking things out, you rely on data, and have a creative bent, particularly in how things are implemented: "...how we execute, how we integrate, how we do things differently -- we could give our policy books to another company and they couldn't pull it off." You are very goal-driven and will do whatever it takes to make something happen; e.g., in the merging of two functional areas you "expected it to work, sold both groups on the advantages to each while acknowledging and strategizing around the weaknesses."

As a manager you are very systematic, good at working closely with people to get tasks done, and good at giving feedback and making people feel good about themselves; you've worked hard to develop teams and have promoted teamwork by example; you are well-liked in the company. While major decisions tend to be made by you (as opposed to a more collaborative effort), "their implementation goes exceptionally well," and people are given a lot of latitude and autonomy in implementation. They appreciate the fact that they always know their direction. In a somewhat rueful but poetic way, one person described your efforts in a tough economy: "We are a sailing ship with the CEO steering, the President in the crow's nest looking for land, Nick Castle at the rudder, and the rest of us rowing as fast as we can because there is no wind." When differences of opinion occur you are very reasonable and willing to change "if it's there in the data" or "if you show him how it works out in dollars and cents." You are seen as very good at the formal process of performance appraisal and always open to someone's pushing back if they disagree with your assessment.

You have excellent interpersonal skills. You probe to understand, you are low-key but speak your piece, you are willing to listen to things from mutual perspectives, and you are well-respected by your peers; you were particularly complimented for your maturity and your role as "equalizer" on your boss's team: you were unanimously described as a good influence ("On our team I think he's probably the most stabilizing influence -- Nick is steady;" "He is skilled in trying to defuse emotional situations -- since he stays balanced he can work from the values and behaviors and say, 'Let's get back to the data,' so he plays an influential role in keeping the group on keel").

In general you are seen as someone who likes to be a team player and who has good team skills ("I think he works hard on his relationships with his peers, tries to have some give and take, some resiliency in the relationships"); you get along with a wide variety of people and can be reasonably apolitical. You are not quick to anger, and seem to apply the "Joe Friday" method, approaching problems analytically. You seem very enthusiastic and upbeat about changes in the organization, looking for "ways to make it work."

As a peer you can be candid and direct with feedback ("He gave me the best feedback that anyone ever gave me"); and even if your feedback is critical, it is given in a way that is clearly designed to be helpful. You are, in fact, consistently seen as "very helpful" -- someone to whom a lot of people come for advice: very empathic ("He tends to feel what other people are feeling and relates to that"), appropriate, sensitive to peoples' needs, respectful of confidentiality, quick to lend your support ("He's not quick to write somebody off").

In presentations you are articulate, have good communication skills--both technically and non-technically (although a couple of comments were made about the length of presentations. You come across as knowing your subject well, credible with audiences, relaxed, organized, precise but flexible in responding to questions ("Good on his feet"). You understand the value of informal communication and of being prepared, which includes "behind-the-scenes" conversations. With large groups you have a nice touch, a good sense of humor. And you have "good voice mail manners"! ("He acknowledges receipt of your messages, thanks you for keeping him in the loop, and his messages are brief.")

Personally you are perceived as ethical, extremely honest, highly trustworthy and dependable, respecting of people as individuals--an incredibly decent person with solid values, and a family man. You are also warm and caring, with a great sense of humor, and you have been able to maintain a sense of innocence and optimism that people admire. You were very consistently described as a stabilizing influence: "One of the things that has made this job really fun and educational is that at a personal level Nick has his head screwed on straight;" "Nick is aware of who he is;" "I think he's got a lot of personal security and inner strength;" "He's accepting of people's positives and negatives;" "He's even-keeled--even in the midst of stormy times you don't see him off-center much of the time." It is clear to others that you throw yourself into learning and that you have developed yourself a lot over the past few years, learning "at a much faster pace than most professionals who have moved to organizational leadership roles."


IV. DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES

Entrepreneurship

I suspect, Nick, that you have not taken enough credit for your ideas. People who know you well say that you are very bright and have an entrepreneurial instinct. One person stated, "I like some of the things I'm hearing from Nick about where to take our key product." And another suggested that you have "a risk-profile higher than normal." However, you are also very disciplined and well-prepared (your pragmatic side), which was read by one source of input as being "cautious and deliberate." And another -- who is still learning about you -- said, "How smart Nick seems to be has gone up a couple of points in the last few months," implying that they had not been fully aware of the quality of your ideas.

A separate piece of input was the observation that you and the CEO have focused on new technology, and need to prepare to become more customer / market-driven. You are seen by all as relating extremely well with customers -- believing and saying the right things, but people from Marketing feel you need to continue developing yourself as a point person in the market, demonstrating your leadership by getting out more in front of customers, "understanding first-hand what customers are saying." As we discussed, the concern exists over creating technologies that the customer will not want to buy, whereas you see the need to "educate customers on what their actual needs are." Just keep in mind that this language could be interpreted as somewhat paternalistic. While no one I spoke to is at odds with the long-range plan to move customers in the direction of these new technologies, some people in the organization see their role (and their current success) to be due to "customer satisfaction" as defined by the customer, with bottom-line implications. This is an arena where your superior facilitation skills will aid you in helping others see exactly how to educate the customers.

Decision Making

There was mixed input in this area. On the one hand, you were described as generally having good judgment, someone who can defer decisions if you have time but who can decide quickly if something is needed quickly. You use good tools, have a good sense of timing, and have good follow-through. On the other hand, your MBTI profile shows up in the comments by some that you need to be more decisive. "He tends at times to speak out loud even if he's only batting something around in his mind, and two days later he'll take almost the opposite stand." A specific example that was offered for your understanding: "We needed buy-off on a certain service decision and he said he needed more information. I left thinking I'd have to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but the next time we met he said, 'Well, sure! That seems perfectly logical!'" Another person said, "When he gives you information, it's information that Nick at that point is sure is absolutely right, but he will give you information one day, then change his mind, which is disconcerting to a lot of people. It's not intentional, just that he got an idea out to massage it and may think differently the next day." Here, as you are aware, you have suffered the fate of all senior executives in having your "wild thoughts" taken as mature decisions.

Influence Skills

As mentioned earlier, you have a number of qualities that reflect your potential strength at influencing people in your current position ("I think he's the ideal person for the job he's now in because of his collaboration skills"). Several people, however, voiced their concern that you are operating without direct line influence and that you "have your work cut out for you" to be viewed by the President and CEO as a true equal.

People from your own area have described you as "a salesman" as compared to the President ("a bulldozer") and some fear that you will be too naive, too trusting, and not be able to hold your own in advocating for them -- that you might be too conciliatory or let people take advantage of you. These concerns, I think, stem from observations that you may be "a little bit slow about addressing things as directly as they need to be addressed -- he might let them go on a while longer and watch them," said one person. Other comments: "It's not really procrastination, but I think he's a bit on the conflict-averse side and thinks hard before he engages in any type of confrontation;" "Nick is not quick to contend, which is good in the sense that he doesn't use up a lot of capital, but in an environment that values intellectual rigor he may confuse debate with conflict;" "He could benefit from being a little more challenging than he is at times." You have become more assertive, but it has also been noted that you may draw back when you don't feel fully confident about what you know.

Management

Ironically, there were comments from your team members indicating that in your new leadership role you've swung too far away from your old style of mentoring, that you seem to undervalue their need for your involvement. This showed up in several ways:

Coaching: People appreciate your treating the relationship as a partnership, without constant oversight. However, when there are opportunities for learning their jobs better you tend to give them feedback and send them back to try again, instead of the active coaching step of, "Let's think it through together."
Availability: You do show kindness and consideration and a developmental approach to their careers, so they want more of your time and attention, even though they realize you are distracted by legitimate demands.
On-Going Feedback: The perception is that when you do give negative feedback you won't let go until the problem is fixed, but that candid feedback is difficult for you: "He lives in a world where he believes the best of everybody and he seems to downplay the negative feedback."
Helping

As mentioned under your strengths, Nick, people appreciate your helpfulness and find your facilitative skills very valuable. However, there was some feedback about your being protective to the point of paternalism, "wanting to take care of things," giving "fatherly" advice, "changing direction without consulting me." It is both good and bad new that others are "O.K." with this! Because they like you and because you have good ideas they don't hold grudges. Also, you are so facilitative and helpful and provide such good direction that is easy for people to use you in that role, without particular concern for getting your own needs met.

For you personally, it will take conscious effort to make sure that your own needs and problems become part of the mix, especially with the senior executive team. If this does not happen, you will always be somewhat "outside" the group emotionally. This could be unwittingly exacerbated by an observed tendency to keep at somewhat of a distance from people: "Though he's friendly and sincere, there's always that sense of maintaining a certain reserve;" "Nick loses himself in his work;" "He's very driven;" "He doesn't seem to want to really reveal himself, but to keep the interaction at a certain level in terms of what he wants to find out about me."

MaryBast's site : http://ww4.choice.net/~marybast/index.htm

"Two" by Don Riso
The Caring, Nurturing Type: Concerned, Generous, Possessive, Manipulative

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To be loved unconditionally
The Two with a One-Wing: "Servant"
The Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess"
Potential Neuroses: Histrionic, Self-Defeating, and Factitious Disorder.

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Healthy
Empathetic, compassionate, feeling with and for others. Caring and concerned about their needs.Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere. Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important: they are nurturing, generous, and givinga truly loving person. At Their Best: Become deeply unselfish, humble, "disinterested", and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in their lives of others.

Average
Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly. Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the self-sacrificial, mothering person who cannot do enough for others—wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill. Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a martyr for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy
Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is. Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors. Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others.
Don Riso's site : http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/


"Two" by C.Thomson
The Seductress


Start with an American classic: the sexual seductive type. In popular culture and in the movies, this is usually a feminine role. Adolescent males (of every age) show a cultural preference for this type and often pay dearly for this preference.

These are the seductresses. What is the difference between being attractive and being seductive? The seductive two has unconscious hostility, even hatred, for the person she is trying to attract. She is not inwardly clear about the distinction between being sexually desirable and being loved. When she (and I'll use the feminine because my examples from the movies are both women) offers herself to men sexually, she expects true love in return. She is invariably disappointed.

Psychologically, this is rooted in fatherlessness. This may be actual or perceived fatherlessness. A distant or frequently absent father who then periodically showers inappropriate attention on the little girl can create the polarity. "Either I'm totally lovable (which will later mean sex) or I'm overlooked." This prompts the little girl to work hard to please men. With her natural twoish radar, she learns that sex is how to please men. But by sex she intends an exchange for lavish attention and love. The men in question may mean something else entirely.

This discrepancy between expectancy and actuality infuriates the two and she moves to vengeance, which in enneagram understanding, is the low side of eight. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was probably written about a vengeful two. The thing to watch for and understand is the oscillation between deep dependency and hostility --and both done in the name of love. "I want you, I need you, I hate you." "You can't do this to me, you can't just throw me aside after using me." One of the ways you can tell it is connected to the absent father is the frequent reference to the man's duty to be responsible and take care of his obligations. His duty always includes taking care of her. She is functionally a child, she is his responsibility. "You seduced me. I was basically a) innocent, b) helpless c) acting in good faith that you would "follow through on your promises." Seducers believe the promises of the person they're involved with. Sometimes those promises are explicit ("things were said") or implicit in the case of sex. No matter what the context, in the mind of the seducer, sex always means "You love me and will take care of me." (As a good father should).

The seductress is culturally the opposite of the girl next door. She (and of course he, with certain modifications) is distant, she is not there for conversation and shoulder to shoulder sharing of tasks. She oscillates between intimacy and distance, with sexual energy the only bridge across the chasm. It is sexuality without emotional context. This makes it more passionate and less dependable.

Boundaries are a problem for twos. Sexual Twos will invite more intimacy than is appropriate. She will encourage you to take advantage of her, especially but not exclusively sexually. Sometimes it is financial. We all know of women who put their husbands through school, where upon he immediately leaves her, the cad. She doesn't have a clue that she may have set it up. Then she will want revenge for the abuse. She'll take him to the cleaners or destroy him emotionally, or get pregnant or whatever works. She will do anything.

Illustrations:
To see this acted out vividly, watch Anjelica Houston (the doctor's mistress) in Crimes and Misdemeanors. Then watch Glen Close in Fatal Attraction. If you watch those two movies before coming to the discussion, you will get a vivid demonstration of what the dynamics are. Notice that both women are abjectly dependent on men they hate -- and want. Both see themselves as really having no power, yet exercising considerable power. Both see themselves as nothing without the man, while at the same time scorning him. Both see themselves as little children. Neither of the women have a life independent of the man. They are obsessed with him precisely to the degree they have no substance of their own. He and only he can give them inner reality. His responsibility is in direct proportion to her need. Guilt is the currency of love.

The seductress wants love in the worst way and gets it. She begins by defining love inwardly with painful narrowness. "If you love me, you will take me sexually." No other form of love will do.

Then, because seduction is a way of life, she includes Divine Love in the same dynamic. "God, my father, doesn't really love me. He's distant, just like men. But if I do whatever good things I can, (if I seduce Him), then he will have to love me. He will have to honor his responsibilities toward me. He will have to take care of me. I will be so good, so loving that I will be loved in return. God is not outdone in generosity."

Every community is apt to have a few unhealthy twos whose love is feared by many. Invested love is a control mechanism. (Most enneagram styles are. The world is not very manageable when we are young, so we find ways to get it to do what we want. Then we extend the effort to include God.) When God doesn't answer prayers of the Two when they are sooo pious, they can get deeply hurt and angry. God broke his (implicit) part of the bargain, just like men do!

Exercises:
1) Begin with observation. If you look into the vacant eyes of the models who are so alluring, you can probably see the chasm. I've always wondered why the vacant look was so popular, perhaps this is the explanation. Seduction is always an act of hostility and desperation. If you prefer real life, go to the mall. Read the expressions on the faces of those who are dressed the most seductively - male or female. (That hostility has been hard-earned, they've most likely been abused before and some may have had a role in bringing it about).

2) Watch the dynamic of oscillation between need and rejection in relationships. They can alternate or they can be simultaneous. (I hate you but you owe me...)

3) When you are tempted (!) to do something for anyone, to meet their needs as only you can, examine your motives. If it is done out of gratitude for what God has already done for you, you're clear. If this is part of your spiritual portfolio, an emotional investment policy, you're in trouble. When Jesus told us not to let our right hand know what our left was doing, this is the dynamic he was trying to break down. Anonymous kindness is healing for both the giver and the recipient. Do some.

4) Seductive twos vividly personify Thomson's law, "What you don't get up front, you get out back." Ask for what you really want. But before you do, get as clear as you can about what you want. Twos have a tough time even knowing what they want.

Discussion questions:
1) How old does your enneagram style feel? Describe (at least for yourself) in some detail how odd you feel if/when you're being seductive.

2) Enneagram energy shows up in patterns. Do you have any patterns of being exploited? If so, can you discern how you may have set them up? You can take it for gold that if you recognize a pattern in your life, you have a hand in creating it. We have a number of vulgar synonyms for exploitation. Do you use them? When? What's the usual context? Any pattern there?

3) If this is your strategy, ask yourself a) How do you seduce? What are the inner movements? Do you feel it in your eyes? your shoulders? your gut? Where? (Many twos feel a confusion in their upper chest right below the throat, for example.)

4) If you want to let go of some this strategy, ask yourself what you will lose. What does your strategy do for you? Are you willing to dispense with it (or at least part of it)? We need to count the cost of our changes or they will be frightening because they loosen what we perceive to be our control over our environment.

Clarence Thomson's site : http://www.enneagramcentral.com/

"Two" by J.Wagner
Personality Style TWO: The Loving Person
Core Value Tendency: TWOS value and are attracted to love. They want to be generous persons, seeking to make the world a more loving place to live in. Harmonious intimate mutual relationships are what life is all about.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: The proper understanding of freedom enables TWOS to live within the natural laws and limits of reality. Interdependence, which lies between the extremes of dependence/codependence and an exaggerated independence, is the mature stance of adults. Being free means TWOS can give or not give, receive or not receive.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies TWOS' objective paradigm is humility, the virtue which realistically estimates what kind and what amount of love another needs in contrast to giving whatever is believed will bring approval to the giver. Acting as a reality principle, humility acknowledges limits and sets boundaries, enabling TWOS to say no as well as yes.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: The actions that follow from an understanding that love involves an ebb and flow of giving and receiving along with the habit of humility include an exquisite empathic attunement not only to the needs of others but also to their own needs. TWOS have an intuitive sense for what others need and are feeling. They are naturally giving, generous, and helpful. They feel fulfilled being able to give to others and are supportive, nurturing, considerate, and appreciative. TWOS are sociable, friendly, and approachable. They naturally move toward people with love and affection. They praise others and build them up, giving compliments easily. TWOS are natural listeners and counselors. They also speak up for others, especially the underprivileged and handicapped.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When TWOS exaggerate their loving qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am loving; I am helpful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that others will not meet their needs, they turn their attention toward meeting other people's needs, hoping that what they do unto others will be done unto them. They believe it is only after meeting others' needs that their own will be taken care of.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as helpers in a needy world, TWOS believe they have unlimited resources for serving others that never need replenishing. They are not needy, but they are needed. The resultant disposition is pride. TWOS are proud of their giving nature and seek to be important is people's lives in order to feel worthwhile.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schema: Perceiving the world as needy, and feeling proud of their self sacrificing nature, TWOS become compulsive helpers, trying to please others to get them to like them and meet their needs. TWOS give strokes to get strokes, doing for others what they hope others will do for them. Habitually moving towards people, it's hard for TWOS to move against people in anger or confrontation. It's conflictual for them to give negative feedback because they don't want to hurt others. It's also difficult for TWOS to move away from people, leaving them alone to stand on their own two feet, or fall flat on their face. The TWOS' task is to rescue.

What is Avoided: Because they strive to be loving, TWOS avoid their own needs. To think about themselves or to express their needs would be selfish. They are reluctant to heed their own agendas, feelings, and desires.

Defensive Maneuvers: TWOS avoid their needs by repressing them so that they are not even aware of them. Or they may be aware of them, but choose to suppress them since their job is to lighten other people's burdens not encumber them with their own needs.

Childhood Development: TWOS got approval for helping and giving and not asking for much in return. They learned how to be sweet, funny, cute, and charming to get attention and win affection. They became the parent in the family to hold things together. They learned that being pleasing and altering themselves to meet others' needs was a good way to survive and get their needs met. Directly expressing their own needs met with indifference, disapproval, or abandonment. TWOS came to believe that their own needs wouldn't be met until they first met other people's needs. They are very vulnerable to rejection and not being appreciated for what they do for others. You're nobody unless somebody loves you and you're somebody when you're needed.

Non-Resourceful State: When TWOS are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more helpful and travel around the "rescue triangle." On this non-resourceful journey, they first assume the role of rescuer. When they don't get the affirmation they need and believe they deserve, they feel victimized and play the martyr, reproaching others for not appreciating and caring enough for them. They then lose touch with their gentleness and compassion and become hard and tough to protect their self-esteem. They become bitter, jaded and distrustful of others and become a persecutor, making others feel guilty and desiring to get even with them.

Resourceful State: When TWOS are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their own needs, wants, and feelings. They put their needs on the table and negotiate getting them met. They allow others to give to them freely without doing anything to earn their love. They can say "no" even though they feel guilty. They allow others to be more autonomous and don't foster their dependence on them. They find other ways of expressing themselves besides giving, such as developing their creative, artistic, cultured self and capacities. Now able to say to themselves I am special, they believe they are lovable just because they are. I am therefore I am loving replaces I give in order to be accepted.

Jerome Wagner's site : http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/


"Two" by J.Piecuch
Two: The Journey Toward Unconditional Service
By Joyce D. Piecuch
Ahh, the Two! Soft, sweet, gentle, caring person. Twos warm the hearts of those of us who are blessed with their friendship. Their exquisitely sensitive emotional radar seems to detect the slightest need forming in the web of our relationship and they quickly respond to address that need. How wonderful it is to be so nurtured and appreciated.
Characteristically, Twos are kind, caring, gentle, sweet, warm, and happy. For the Two, relationship is the most important area of life. It is through relationship and bonding and connecting that potentials are nourished, needs are met, love is exchanged and cares are abated. They know and easily respond to the needs of others, often before the other person is consciously aware of having a need. By addressing that need, they build the connective infrastructure of relationship. Emotional life is paramount, and mental and cognitive functioning are less important, in the inner experience.

The Two's self-image and self -identity are closely linked to connection with others. Their exquisite radar for the wants and needs of others blinds them to their own wants and needs. Their generous nature with others seems to be withheld from themselves. Their attunement to emotional tone is often blocked when directed to their own emotional needs. It is not an easy thing for Twos to recognize their own needs - they truly believe that their denial of self-need is a generous, selfless act of kindness toward others. There is pride in feeling indispensable to the relationship, the institution, the world.

Twos' derive a sense of power and protection from their personal role in relationships. Beneath the surface, a Two can have manipulative characteristics, a kind or round-about manner, because Two's deeper personal agenda is hidden from others and, often, from the self.

At the core of Two, there is a feeling that their own love and relationship needs will not be met in the natural process of life. As a compensation, there develops a strong ,unconscious focus on attending to the needs of others and pleasing them, with the hope and expectation of receiving love and approval from others in return. This pattern may have developed early in life as an emotional survival mechanism and, as a result, may be deeply embedded in the psychological structure. When survival depends on focusing on the needs of others, suppressing awareness of one's own, sometimes-competing needs supports that behavior.

The repression of one's own needs does not make those needs go away. The suppressed needs of the Two are noticed in the other person or projected onto them. Then the Two attempts to meet those needs of the other in hopes that the other will reciprocate and attend to the Two's corresponding need. When the other person meets the unspoken need of the Two, the Two feels validated and loved. Twos accept the help as it is offered and enjoy the attention, affection and affirmation. However, if the other person attempts to address the issue(s) underlying the need, Twos may feel threatened and attempt to turn the attention away from themselves and back onto the other. There is an underlying fear that as others see more deeply into Twos' repressed self , Twos will appear more unworthy, undeserving, or unlovable. In this manner, Twos avoid true intimacy. Pride in being self-less becomes reinforced over and over again. This encourages the maintenance of the Two's particular psychological block.

A Two can be artful in the manipulation of another's emotions. But if Twos' conduct does not produce the hoped-for positive payback, they may turn to accusation or confrontation until they can get satisfaction. Their behavior can become quite aggressive for, in their eyes, connection through unpleasant interaction is considered better than withdrawal. Twos can manifest denial of their negative feelings and have a great deal of difficulty in seeing or acknowledging their shadow side.

The Spirit's Search for Expression
If we move to the view of personality as a mechanism to further our human evolution, we may be able to see a greater purpose behind our daily struggle at the personal level. The Two's pattern of giving to get is a worldly version of the Two's greater life purpose of unconditional love expressed through service. This service transcends the personal; it is a universal element in assisting humankind. It may take an individual expression but it has a higher motivation.

Suppose that unconditional love expressed through service is the greater calling for the Two. And suppose that, in Twos' attempts early in life to meet that call, they are dissuaded by family, friends and society. Does the call die? I don't believe so. I believe that in the very core of the Two is a call to deliver a very special and unique gift of love and that the call never stops. Consequently, Twos are pulled by a desire to express this love and every fiber of their being organizes around that principle. But due to the external limits placed upon the Two, he or she has had to develop indirect avenues for fulfilling his or her calling. The indirect route to self-fulfillment becomes so internalized that Twos often lose sight of their true self. Later self-development can bring an awareness of personal needs, and a new understanding of how personal needs can be met in harmony with a greater purpose. Rather than viewing Twos as manipulating and indirectly self-serving, we might be better served to view them as the bearer of a priceless gift who have somehow lost their compass, yet who continue to strive, across their lifetime, to deliver the gift of unconditional love through service.

"Two" by H.Palmer
Lost Essential Quality: An experience of the essential truth that all needs are satisfied through a UNIVERSAL WILL, a will greater than that of the individual.
Compensating Belief: To get you must give. To be loved you must be needed.
Attention/Coping strategy: Getting own needs met through being needed and actively giving to others. Focusing attention on others' needs and repressing own needs.
Trap: Obtaining personal fulfillment through meeting others' needs.
Driving Energy: PRIDE in being needed, even indispensable. Feeling you know what others need better than they know their own needs.
Avoidance: Disappointing others, becoming useless, being seen negatively in the eyes of important others, and getting rejected.
Strengths: Generous, sensitive, helpful, energetic.
Paradox: Giving more to others does not bring freedom and fulfillment for yourself, and being cut off from an awareness of own needs prevents you from obtaining the freedom and fulfillment you desire.
Keys to Path of development:
• Pay attention to personal needs and wants.
• Learn to receive.
• Nurture a separate self.
• Develop independence and autonomy.
Ultimate Task: Realizing that love is not dependent on being needed and developing a sense of humility that goes with not knowing what to give and being in need yourself.
H.Palmer's site : http://www.authenticenneagram.com/