Enneagram -- THREE

"Three" by Tom Chou
Motivators.
Motivators admire success, and want others to admire their successes. Threes are often impressive people with impressive credentials, accomplishments, and personal contacts. They are adaptable people who recognize that success means different things in different cultures, and are able to win the admiration of varied groups of people. They are often sought out by organizations as spokespersons who can make a dynamite impression on an audience.

Because they embody what others admire, they are naturally able to motivate others who see in them qualities they would like to have themselves. Extroverted threes are charming and smooth talking - popular people who use their networking skills to augment their image and their career, which are often closely linked. Introverted threes still like to strut their stuff, but are more likely to promote themselves through competence and skillful performance than through showmanship. Unhealthy threes are notorious for seeming entirely in love with themselves, endlessly talking about their wonderful accomplishments and supposed contacts with famous people, some of which may well be fabricated.

Famous motivators: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jimmy Carter, Brooke Shields, Tom Cruise, Andy Warhol, O.J. Simpson.

Tom's site : http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~tchou/ennea_intro.html

"Three" by Tom Condom
Threes
People who measure themselves by external achievement and the roles that they play. May be truthful, accomplished and sincere or conniving, competitive and false.


Unlike Twos, people with the Three style identify less with ideals of helpfulness and instead with images of success and productivity. Threes often expect to be loved for what they do rather than who they are. Their image-confusion is between seeming accomplished and being true to their less-than-perfect inner self. Entranced Threes most tend to cut off deeper feeling in favor of outer appearance. They deny their imperfections and present a public image they hope the world finds laudable.

Healthy Threes are often highly accomplished and practice a credo of excellence and professionalism in whatever they do. They are extremely strong at setting and meeting goals and will usually have mastered a number of life skills. Threes learn fast, make good leaders, and do well in high-profile, socially established occupations where performance is measured by results. Most are organized, flexible and industrious. When healthy, they usually make excellent role models and teachers of the skills they have mastered.

Awakened Threes can be energetic and cheerful, with a positive eye to the future and a self-confident, open approach to challenges. Their actions are often governed by a sense of honor; family and friendship are valued in addition to work. These priorities are sometimes arrived at after a struggle with moral expediency and through a Three's conscious search for values.

When Threes are more entranced, the strategy of being successful and well-rounded yields to a desire to seem that way. Corners start getting cut in the quest to maintain an image. A Three can slip into impersonation and play a role of themselves, adopting chameleon-like poses to seem noteworthy in many different contexts. Personal feeling begins to be denied as a Three increasingly identifies with their mask. Most have an "Achilles Heel," a sense of inadequacy that they compensate for with achievement and role-playing.

Intimate relationships can suffer as the Three reroutes their feelings through their image of who they should be. They may present a persona to intimates; hiding a deep sense of flaw and instead offering a feelingful mask for others to love. Expediency and efficiency become more important and an entranced Three may begin to enjoy the feeling of nonfeeling. They may think of themselves as high-performance engines whose purpose is to race with speed from task to task, securing outcomes before dashing on to new finish lines. It's not uncommon for entranced Threes to talk in sports metaphors and make themselves believe that life is only a game, a game that's played to win.

To win, they may push themselves harder, enjoying the hyperactivity, now using their relationships mainly as springboards for professional gain. Their once healthy flexibility might degenerate into arrogant calculation and amoral strategizing. Entranced Threes comfortably operate in occupations where appearance and persuasion are all -- public relations, sales, advertising, etc.

When deeply entranced, winning becomes everything and a Three's mask just eclipses their soul. They sell out completely to seeming and make themselves into a commodity to market. A core of malicious hostility replaces their true identity at this stage.

Unhealthy Threes can be amoral, Machiavellian, heartless, slick, and plagiarizing. They believe their own lies and con people without conscience. They work hard to best or deceive others. The aim is to maintain an illusion of superiority from which they derive a hollow, vindictive sense of triumph. Anyone who has ever been deliberately and maliciously lied to has felt the sting of this attitude.


FAMOUS THREES
The cultural aura of America, Politician James Baker, Joseph Biden, David Bowie, Ron Brown, Jimmy Carter, Dick Clark, Lawyer Johnnie Cochran Jr., Magician David Copperfield, Cindy Crawford, Joan Crawford, Tom Cruise, Rebecca DeMornay, Nora Ephron, Werner Erhard, (Mrs.) Debbi Fields, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Richard Gere, Bryant Gumbel, Actor Mark Harmon, the (modern) cultural aura of Japan, Michael Jordan, Mary Kay, Henry Kissinger, Carl Lewis, Vince Lombardi, Rob Lowe, Joan Lunden, Ali MacGraw, Elle MacPherson, Reba McEntire,
Demi Moore, Oliver North, U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, Master spy Kim Philby, Elvis Presley, Reporter/author Sally Quinn, Businessman Summer Redstone, Burt Reynolds, Author Anthony Robbins, Political strategist Ed Rollins, Diana Ross, Jessica Savitch, Diane Sawyer, Arnold Schwarzenegger, William Shatner, Cybill Shepherd, O.J. Simpson, Will Smith, Wesley Snipes, Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, Kathleen Turner, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Former Austrian President Kurt Waldheim, "Father" of America George Washington, Raquel Welch, Author Marianne Williamson, Vanessa Williams, Oprah Winfrey, Natalie Wood.

Three With a 2 Wing
Threes with this wing are often highly gregarious. They have a tendency towards persona - playing a role of themselves in real life. Social perception, prestige and recognition important. Healthy side brings personal warmth, leadership qualities. Sincere desire to do well by others; may be genuinely nice people. If they have achieved some measure of success they are generous in their mentorship of others.

When more entranced, they are preoccupied with seeming ideal to others. This can extend to friendships, family, as well as at work. Want to seem a perfect spouse, friend, parent, employee, good son or daughter. Strong social focus because they need so much validation from others.

Preening and boastful behavior possible. Bursts of egotism. Wanting to be on top, better than others. Slip into impersonation easily, may falsify feeling and not know it themselves.al nutrition. Deep emotional recognition is Malicious intentional deceit possible. Behavior of con-artists and sociopaths.

Real-Life Threes With a 2 Wing: Ron Brown, Dick Clark, Cindy Crawford, Joan Crawford, Tom Cruise, (Mrs.) Debbi Fields, Vince Lombardi, Joan Lunden, Ali MacGraw, Reba McEntire, Demi Moore, Oliver North, Elvis Presley, Burt Reynolds, Anthony Robbins, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cybill Shepherd, O.J. Simpson, Will Smith, Sharon Stone, Kathleen Turner, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Marianne Williamson, Oprah Winfrey, Natalie Wood.

Movie Threes With a 2 Wing: Annette Bening, The Grifters; Tom Cruise, Rain Man; Jamie Lee Curtis, A Fish Called Wanda; Richard Gere, American Gigolo, Sommersby; Tony Goldwyn, Ghost; Jack Lemmon, Glengarry Glen Ross; Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pumping Iron; Cybill Shepherd, The Last Picture Show, Texasville; Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct; Kathleen Turner, Body Heat.

Three With a 4 Wing
May be slightly less image-conscious or project an image that is more implicit and subtle. 4 wing brings a degree of introversion. May measure themselves more by their creations, artistic or social. Tend to compete with themselves first more than with other people.

High side brings the motivation and ability to work on oneself. May accomplish everything they set out to do materially, then embark on a path of self-analysis. Artistic explorations or teaching possible. Will still like a challenge, but thoughtful, intuitive or humanistic concerns of prime interest.

The low side of this wing can bring a haunted, self-tormented quality or a haughty, competitive pretentiousness. Might be snobs or accuse critics of being too plebian to appreciate them. Cool, hard shell. In private, can lapse into Fourish self-questioning and melodrama. Instability and moodiness can be factors. Unrealistic grandiosity.

Real-Life Threes With a 4 Wing: James Baker, Joseph Biden, David Bowie, Johnnie Cochran, David Copperfield, Rebecca DeMornay, Nora Ephron, Werner Erhard, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Phil Gramm, Bryant Gumbel, Michael Jordan, Ed Rollins, Diane Sawyer, William Shatner, Wesley Snipes, Sylvester Stallone, George Washington.

Movie Threes With a 4 Wing: John Cusack, The Grifters; Charles Dance, Pascali's Island; Jeremy Irons, Betrayal; John Malkovich, Dangerous Liaisons, In The Line Of Fire; Robert Morse, Tru; William Shatner, Star Trek V - The Final Frontier; Sting, Bring On The Night; Christopher Walken, At Close Range, The Comfort Of Strangers.


CONNECTING POINTS (Stress and Security)
Three's Connection to 9
Three's connection to 9 brings a capacity for self-reflection and a partial slow-down of tempo. A Three may become more receptive to the people in their lives and appreciate "idle" time, especially when it's spent with family and friends.

The modest, unpretentious quality of 9 is inherent, if latent, in Threes. Connection helps them come out of roles and relax into being. Winning can become less all-important. Success is sometimes seen through as an illusion. Take time out from the world's races. New projects might be entered into because they look interesting, or will benefit others, or for intuitive reasons that can't be explained.

More entranced, a Three might go through periods of 9-like confusion. Could start racing around, going in circles at high speed. Lose sight of their goals. The 9 tendency towards emotional numbness reinforces emotional absence. Three's unhealthy habit of altering themselves for an environment can also get worse.

May flip from hyperactivity to paralysis. Sink into a nihilistic "What's the use?" attitude and a numb, 9-like apathy. Lacking motivation and direction they can go passively depressed and use drugs or alcohol to further deaden their feelings.

Movie Threes who demonstrate this connection: Tom Cruise, Rain Man; Jamie Lee Curtis, A Fish Called Wanda; John Cusack, The Grifters; Jack Lemmon, Glengarry Glen Ross, Save The Tiger; Roger Moore, Bed And Breakfast; Robert Morse, Tru; Cybill Shepherd, Texasville.


Three's Connection to 6
Healthy connection to 6 helps Threes drop masks, admit flaws, be seen for who they are. Their true emotions generally have a fearful cast; fear is a door to authentic feeling. Honest vulnerability. Make and keep commitments to ideals beyond winning and succeeding. Develop personal loyalties to family and friends as well as to spirituality. Ethical concerns become far more important, moral courage emerges. They stay faithful and keep their agreements, even at the risk of losing.

Unhealthy connection brings runaway anxiety that fuels the Three's desire to cut off or mask feeling. Fear motivates hyperactivity as the Three runs away from the "awful truth" about themselves. May go nervously ambivalent about relationships, unable to decide or commit.

Threes also overidentify with hierarchies and traditions like a 6 can do. May give their power away to authority figures. Play "good child" roles that get them approval within the dependency. Could become overly cautious. Stay within the confines of tradition or excel within its terms as a way to stay safe.

Movie Threes who demonstrate this connection: Tom Cruise, Rain Man; Richard Gere, Sommersby; Tony Goldwyn, Ghost; Jack Lemmon, Glengarry Glen Ross; John Malkovich, Dangerous Liaisons; Charlie Sheen, Wall Street; Wesley Snipes, White Men Can't Jump.


SUBTYPE THEMES
Self-Preservation
Have a preoccupation with acquiring material security as a way to calm core anxieties about survival. Some grow up poor and focus on amassing wealth. Concentrate on doing well, having enough, especially of the right things. Irony is that the strategy doesn't really work - a Three could amass millions and still, say, harbor a morbid fear of dying broke. Insecurity fuels a sense that enough money is never enough.

Movie examples include Wesley Snipes in White Men Can't Jump, Rebecca DeMornay in Risky Business and Charlie Sheen in Wall Street.

Intimate
Intimate Threes mask themselves with an image of what a sexually appealing man or woman is. They play roles in romantic relationships hoping to get love or admiration. Image is based on community or cultural standards of desirability or a given partner's expectations. If not committed to a specific partner then they will project an image generally and seek sexual conquests.

Intimate Threes in the movies can be sexual imposters or suave, attractive ideals of masculinity or femininity. Female characters tend to be beautiful out-of-reach Sirens. Examples include: John Malkovich, Dangerous Liaisons; Cybill Shepherd, Texasville; Richard Gere, American Gigolo, Sommersby; Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct; Kathleen Turner, Body Heat.

Social
Social Threes are often extremely status-conscious. Most confuse their inner self with the world's badges, honors and totems. Measure themselves by money, position, awards or results. Strive to match group standards and have the right credentials. How they rank in the eyes of others is most important. May be materialistic but with an eye towards the best brand names so as to be identified with the product's status.

The excesses of this subtype make for fine morality plays about the hollowness of fame and status. Movie examples include: Charlie Sheen, Wall Street; Robert Redford, Downhill Racer; Mary Tyler Moore, Ordinary People; Faye Dunaway, Network.


QUOTES :

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers." - Daniel Boorstin

"Pretending is a virtue. If you can't pretend, you can't be king." - Luigi Pirandello

"Lies are essential to humanity." - Marcel Proust

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what's a heaven for?" - Robert Browning

"He that listens after what people say of him shall never have peace." - Thomas Fuller

"Success has ruined many a man." - Benjamin Franklin

"Failure is the foundation of success, and the means by which it is acheived. Success is the lurking-place of failure; but who can tell when the turning point will come?" - Lao-Tse

"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question." - Albert Camus

"When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine he is that polite all the time." - Edgar Watson Howe

"No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

"(A ruler) cannot and should not keep his word when to do so would go against his interests or when the reason he pledged it no longer holds." - Machiavelli

"One often passes from love to ambition but rarely returns from ambition to love." - La Rochefoucauld

"Our business in this world is not to succeed, but to continue to fail, in good spirits." - Robert Louis Stevenson
Tom's site : http://www.thechangeworks.com/

"Three" by MaryBast


The Star

Bill Danvers was being considered for the presidency of a small but highly profitable company that had been founded by the CEO, Barbara Levine, many years before. Barbara wanted to retire, but had her own money invested in the business and wanted to make sure she was leaving it in good hands.

Bill outshone all of his peers in getting new customers, was an active and positive representative of the company in the business community, and was considered a real strategic partner by Barbara. However, she knew through the grapevine that Bill's peers were not so keen on a future where he was their boss, and she was afraid she'd have a mutiny if she promoted him.

Bill did all the external work with customers and consequently got most of the visible credit for sales. The rest of his team felt that their behind-the-scenes support contributed equally to the results he got, so they thought he was only out for himself. Further- more, they didn't trust him, in part because he played things so close to the vest and in part because Bill was competitive and opportunistic, and didn't always get a deal written exactly the way they had agreed to ahead of time.

Bill's development work led him to focus more on teamwork, to be more aware of his own feelings, and to pay more attention to group process. He eventually developed enough trust among his peers that they supported his eventual promotion.


"The Star Performer"


Path of Transfor-
mation

"I like seeing success breed upon success."

"I've always been successful."

"I have a shelf full of empty trophies."

"I got pats on the back for doing well in school, and my parents made it clear what would be approved of."


Star leaders are often expansive, risk-taking go-getters who ensure high productivity for their organizations. Formidable models for others, they are efficient and supremely goal-oriented; consequently, they tend to rise to top organizational levels, or to run their own companies.

What under-developed Threes personify for all of us is our image-making. They're good at self-promotion, and can be perceived as showcasing themselves at the expense of the team. Threes tend to look outward for their reflection in the eyes of others -- and their inner life can be lacking. Their driving force is vanity, which shows up as self-deception (e.g., convincing oneself that a failure to involve the team in a major business coup was not important because of the results achieved).

Developmental skills include learning to collaborate instead of compete, clarifying their own values/developing internal criteria (vs. external validation), learning from failure, and accessing their feelings. A key development need is truthfulness, speaking from the essential self and not through personality needs; some refer to this as authenticity.




EXECUTIVE DEVELOPMENT PLAN
for Barbara Granger--Type Three

Note to the Reader: What follows is a composite development plan created for a typical Type Three executive. While "Barbara" is unique in many ways she also clearly illustrates how some Three dynamics play out in the workplace. As you read through this plan, begin to formulate what you would suggest as developmental actions for Barbara (and for Threes in general). Then compare your ideas against her actual development work.


I. ENNEAGRAM LEADERSHIP STYLE

Type Threes are also called Achievers or Performers. This style of leadership is described by Robert Kaplan in Beyond Ambition as the "striver-builder," one of three "expansive executive" personalities found in top leadership positions. In my work with leaders I refer to fully developed achievers as Stars, because they are frequently model persons in whatever sphere of activity they enter. Their key motivation is to distinguish themselves, and leadership is a natural and integral part of their drive toward success. According to Kaplan, "This type specializes in building up organizations (in order to gain) high regard from the world. Their parents expected a great deal of them, and they internalized those high expectations."

There is also a quality of "looking good" in this leadership style. The plus side of this quality is a supreme focus on results. When not sufficiently introspective, however, one can be a bit too driven by this desire. This same quality generates competitiveness, which is certainly positive when employed toward excellence. However, competitiveness can also manifest as a tendency to condescend to others -- judging their efforts as lacking in comparison to one's own -- or in pursuing results with apparent disregard for others' input.

Type Three leaders are typically not very introspective, and the most important aspect of their development is interior and personal, noticing and transforming their basic attitude that results are paramount -- their outward behavior changes as a consequence of this inner work. Without this work, Threes can be ambitious, competitive, image-conscious, and self-promoting. With development, Threes are more inner-directed and will be seen by others as poised, self-assured, energetic, adaptable, and collaborative.

As summarized by Kaplan, "In the best cases, striver-builders also come to a personal acceptance of their limitations; they learn to get satisfaction out of committing themselves fully to something or someone outside of themselves, and they win people's respect by investing heavily in self-improvement as a way of gaining mastery."

(Drawn from Kaplan's The Expansive Executive and Beyond Ambition, Condon's "Easy in Your Harness" tape series, Palmer's The Enneagram in Love & Work, and Baron & Wagele's The Enneagram Made Easy.)


II. MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR PROFILE

People with your MBTI profile -- ESTJ -- represent about 13% of the population, and are best described as responsible. They are loyal to work and community and make faithful mates and parents. Matter-of-fact, practical, realistic, and concerned with the here-and-now, they are logical, analytical, objectively critical, and not likely to be convinced by anything but reasoning. They have little patience with confusion or inefficiency, assuming that conduct should be ruled by logic. They like immediate, visible, and tangible results.

ESTJs seek leadership directly, take charge quickly, and are quick to decide, but they tend to overlook feeling values -- what they and others care about. They may need to develop the art of appreciation -- giving others the opportunity for input, as well as noticing what they like about others' work (and not merely what needs correcting). ESTJs may not always be willing to listen to opposing views,and would benefit from promoting more harmony and teamwork in their relationships. They may also need to take time to reflect and identify their own feelings and values.

(Drawn from Hirsch & Kummerow's Introduction to Type in Organizations, Keirsey & Bates' Please Understand Me, and Myers' Introduction to Type.)


III. STRENGTHS

As we've discussed, Barbara, the sources of input to your development are positive overall in regard to your leadership capability. They describe you as very bright and "one of the few in the company who does look long term." You have grown in breadth of conceptual view -- in part through greater exposure to the industry -- and you make sure that you stay informed. You have been involved in all areas of the company and usually make the right business decision. You are very knowledgeable about the company; you work toward a long-term vision; and you are seen as congenial, cooperative, and "a good salesperson who really believes in her product."

As a problem-solver you are well-organized and "very deliberate in getting results." You have good analytical skills ("more quantitative and statistical than abstract or intuitive") and your functional expertise is respected by customers as well as by your colleagues. Your planning and implementation skills are excellent: "Once Granger gets a responsibility, it's taken care of -- she's very deliberate in what she does and she gets results."

Interpersonally, you are good at focusing on objectives, clarifying others' viewpoints, and negotiating with logic. You are diplomatic, you don't seem to take things personally, and you can be "the voice of reason" when people take extreme positions. Your style most of the time is to listen and then to make a synthesizing comment. Sometimes you will offer your own viewpoint.

Your personal integrity is "second to none." You are described as having high standards and a strong work ethic. Your self-direction is high: You are gradually gaining contacts -- taking courses, becoming part of civic organizations -- in order to be a more effective leader and business person. Others have noticed your efforts to work with them more effectively. Over the years you have become much more flexible and open to "things outside the numbers" (such as personalities and relationships). You have shown the ability to listen to and take seriously the feedback from your boss -- you are loyal and straightforward and want to learn and grow. Overall your relationships are good and people want to support your continued development.


IV. DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES

Communication

Your presentation skills are excellent, particularly with customers. However, there is consistent feedback that you are a "very precise and overly detailed communicator." It is a positive attribute that you are thorough and analytical, but you tend to tell people more than they need or want to know. At times it seems you are overly focused on "selling" what you are saying. At others times you tell people what they already know and thus imply that they "know nothing" or "don't have the brains to figure it out" for themselves.


Teamwork

Your team-mates noted that you have tended to seek their input to decisions only where their expertise was required, and they believe you have sometimes worn "rose-colored glasses," making deals that don't match their expectations. You have responded somewhat to their request for more involvement; however, they still sometimes wonder if your decisions will serve the organization in the long term, especially when you take a direction that is different from the one they've advised you to take. Finally, you sometimes get full credit for a deal where they believe they've helped achieve the outcome. This is made worse when you talk about a deal using the pronoun, "I".


Entrepreneurship

You are entrepreneurial at selling your company's current products, Barbara. Since you're being considered as back-up to the CEO, however, others predict that if you ran the company they would not envision you supporting the development of major new products or taking extraordinary risks. Members of the senior management team have noticed that when someone comes up with a new idea, you have a tendency to focus on what the company is already doing well. When you do consider a new idea, you push people for justification vs. exploring the potential payback. "It's almost as if no idea is good enough unless she comes up with it herself," said one of the senior managers.


Management

You like to do a lot yourself, according to others. You delegate fairly well, but the gap between you and your staff, as well as the continued growth of your responsibilities, suggest the need for an assistant. A request was also made that you do more cross-training -- internal customers feel they sometimes have to wait unnecessarily when you are not around.

Members of your staff like and respect you, but they want more responsibility and more delegated accountability, particularly to be able to respond to others in your absence. Their key concerns: (1) You don't always involve them in decisions that affect their work. (2) You sometimes provide more direction than they believe is necessary. (3) You review their work and make "unnecessary" changes, where they believe they meet the desired standards on their own. While you are "very good at pumping people up," you don't always confront them directly and in an ongoing fashion about their individual performance or how they operate as a team. "She just doesn't like any type of conflict," said one person.


Personal

We have talked at some length about the gifts and "dark sides" of your personal style as an Enneagram Three. Many of these aspects show up in the perceptions, both positive and negative, that others hold of you. The highest need for Threes is to become more inner-directed, to develop themselves as persons according to their genuine feelings and within their own realistic limitations. Threes must squarely face their avoidance of failure and the fear that they will be rejected if they are not supremely successful. In addition to the work-related actions outlined below, you need to explore your inner life, shift to more inside attention and valuing of emotion, allowing yourself to be touched emotionally. Notice your desire to be the best in everything, to focus only on results and achievements, and to criticize others who are not similarly focused. As one person said, you need to "sweeten up, become more vulnerable and interdependent."
MaryBast's site : http://ww4.choice.net/~marybast/index.htm

"Three" by Don Riso

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptable, Ambitious, Image-Conscious, and Hostile

Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile
The Three with a Two-Wing: "The Charmer"
The Three with a Four-Wing: "The Professional"
Potential Neuroses: Narcissistic and Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorders

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

Healthy
Self-assured and energetic, with high self-esteem: they believe in themselves and their own value. Adaptable, desirable, often physically attractive and popular. Ambitious to improve themselves, to be "the best they can be"—often become outstanding, a human ideal, embodying widely admired cultural qualities. Others are motivated to be like them in some positive way. At Their Best: Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be. Modest and charitable, self-deprecatory sense of humor and a fullness of heart emerge. Gentle and benevolent.

Average
Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, being superior and rising above others. Compare self with others in search for status and success. Become careerists, social climbers, invested in exclusivity and being a "winner." Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived. Begin to package themselves according to the expectations of others and what they need to do to be successful. Pragmatic and efficient, but also premeditated, losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade. Problems with intimacy, credibility, and "phoniness" emerge. Want to impress others with their superiority: constantly promoting themselves, making themselves sound better than they really are. Narcissistic, with grandiose, inflated notions about themselves and their talents. Exhibitionistic and seductive, as if saying "Look at me!" Arrogance and contempt for others is a defense against feeling jealous of others and their success.

Unhealthy
Fearing failure and humiliation, they can be exploitative and opportunistic, covetous of the success of others, and willing to do "whatever it takes" to preserve the illusion of their superiority. Devious and deceptive so that their mistakes and wrongdoings will not be exposed. Untrustworthy, maliciously betraying or sabotaging people to triumph over them. Delusionally jealous of others. Become vindictive, attempting to ruin others' happiness. Relentless, obsessive about destroying whatever reminds them of their own shortcomings and failures. Psychopathic, murder.
Don Riso's site : http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

"Three" by C.Thomson

The Social Subtype


The Olympic Competitions usually prove to be a Three's paradise. Competition has a light and a dark side, and both sides reveal the inner workings of a three. The light side is the achievement, the glory, the exertion, and the roar of the crowd. The dark side is the win/lose structure in which one person goes home in ecstasy at the expense of the opponent's agony. The gymnast who took off his bronze medal in disgust after leaving the platform was asked why he took it off. "It isn't the color I came to get." In the world of competition, the world most reflective of the three's energy, there is only one winner. All the rest are losers. To have compassion on the Type Three, imagine a world in which the only time you can rest is the brief period after winning. (And winning is defined by someone else).

Winning and losing requires careful score keeping. This is the three's burden and the source of his compulsive energy. Type Three has to please whoever or whatever is keeping score. his requires a score keeping mechanism. In capitalist America money keeps score. "Whoever has the most toys (or the most expensive ones) at the end, wins." Money is not for greed, or security or luxury. It is to keep score. Your financial report is your report card. In the Olympics we are not shown the judges: they are God and God is, as everybody knows, invisible -- and infallible. The "invisible hand of the market" judges the Three and they believe in market success.

For a thorough analysis of competition in America, read No Contest, The Case Against Competition, by Alfie Kohn. The book is about competition on one level, on another it is all about being in a three culture. Competition is supposed to bring out the best, but under analysis, it really doesn't. It is supposed to give us self-esteem, but it undermines it. Within the three style, competition is an addiction that is infinite. Here's why. The inner dynamics of the three reveal a success/failure polarization. Behind every successful three image lurks an equal and negative self-image. Rags to riches is the way this dynamic is written publicly. The millionaire who can't forget his humble beginnings, the Charles Atlas who remembers vividly his scrawny youth (Schwartzenegger, a fine Three was scrawny as a kid)! The more necessary the public success, the more dramatic the inward drama of preoccupation with failing. It is this polarization that makes competition so toxic to a three. Unless you win all the time, you slip back into your inward image of a loser. It is hard to win all Gold medals. Or make the most money. So any defeat gets internalized into despair, because you already have this inner belief that you are a loser. The slightest loss confirms this world-view.


Karen Horney notes that one type of neurotic needs to excel, to achieve success, prestige, or recognition in any form. Strivings in this direction are partly oriented toward power, inasmuch as success and prestige lend power in a competitive society . But they also make for a subjective feeling of strength through outside affirmation, outside acclaim, and the fact of supremacy....The center of gravity lies outside the person himself; only the kind of affirmation wanted from others differs.

Hint: When you read descriptions that bristle with comparative speech, you're in the presence of Threeism competitiveness. We try harder, we're number one, the best, the most, the fastest, the highest, the longest, bigger, better, further. These a re the vocabulary of the comparative mentality.

The comparison mechanism serves a dark purpose: it evaluates me. If I am what I appear to be, I need to know how I appear. In the open sea of being, where am I? In the absence of a certain substance of soul, of a sense of valuing one's self, one searches for relative psychic weight.

Threes are the classic "other-directed" people, in the sense that they become the best at whatever game is playing. High energy, goal oriented, appearance-conscious, feedback-dependent, they are what every book on management teaches you to do - and be. The reigning Icon of threeishness today is Tony Robbins. His learning style, his appetite, his emphasis on goals, his energy, his ingenuity in getting it done -- those are three tracks if you're hunting for a Three.

Illustrations:
Here are some movies that act out the Three strategy. Tom Cruise always plays Tom Cruise, a cocky three. Threes usually play themselves, because it is too hard to play more than one role at a time, and threes are already playing whatever role their life situation calls for.

A Few Good Men or Rainman will give you a feel for his Three aura. In Rainman, Cruise starts out callous and materialistic, but as he learns to love his autistic brother, he grows considerably.

The movie, To Die For, is practically a case study of really unhealthy Threeishness. Be warned: it is vulgar in places. Some commentators might see it as a criticism of a certain cultural attitude, and on one level that is true. But it is also a vivid exaggeration of what troubles type Three. Suzanne Stone (and she is inwardly a stone -- Threes shut their emotions down to get the job done) is a three, with a two wing, a social subtype). She flagrantly displays the low side of two. She is a workaholic, cold and calculating and obsessed with image. She uses sex but is not really sensual. She has to be recognized to be real. She invests the image with the power of reality. In one sense she is totally dependent on being observed. This is the classic confusion of being and appearing, of image and reality. It is cruelly depicted here, but if you look at the reverence we offer our media/entertainment stars, it is only slightly exaggerated. In America we are all infected with some three compulsions. "Keeping up with the Joneses" combines both competition and image.

Resources:
I have a video of Tom Condon working therapeutically with a Three in which she deals with this polarization. It is as dramatic as any movie. If you're a therapist or a stuck three, it would be worth having. ( The Dynamic Enneagram, specify strategy #3)

Karen Horney's Our Inner Conflicts would be helpful, especially the chapter on "The Idealized Image," and "Moving Toward People."

Tom Condon's Enneagram Movie and Video Guide is an amazingly reliable analysis of movies that delineate enneagram dynamics.

Helen Palmer's Enneagram in Love and Work is a solid reference book if you want depth on any one style. Caution: Palmer tends to see type as an all-inclusive way of being, not a strategy we employ. If you see yourself as "being" a type instead of "doing" a type strategy, you may feel boxed in and you'll feel hopeless at times.

Exercises:
1) Share your story of your mid-life crisis. Mid-life is especially traumatic for threes, but for everyone it is a time of letting go of achievement as the center of life. If you're too young, talk about those you know about. They get a lot of attention.

2) Where are some places in Scripture that contrast being real with a concern about image? Look especially at Jesus instructions on prayer.

3) Go to an establishment (restaurant, hardware store, bookstore, whatever). Go there twice, once dressed shabbily and once dressed very expensively. Notice the differing reactions of people to you. Share your experience. This is how a three is created in the early life of a Three. She is valued for what she accomplishes and what kind of image she creates.

4) Where do you feel most competitive? What would it feel like to drop that competition. Do a guided imagery by yourself or with others in which you make friends with, congratulate and value a competitor. Can you share the experience?

Discussion Questions:
1) How much attention did the losers get at the Olympics? What's going on?

2) What is the attractiveness of the Rags to Riches theme so popular in America?

3) Is sibling rivalry necessary? Or just American?

4) What do you believe about "survival of the fittest?"

5) What does competition do for your performance? Really. What things can't you compete in? (Start with prayer, kindness, then get creative...)

6) Hollywood is THE three town. Do you follow the image industry? Why?
Clarence Thomson's site : http://www.enneagramcentral.com/

"Three" by J.Wagner

Personality Style Three: The Effective Person
Core Value Tendency: THREES are attracted to and value efficiency, industriousness, and competence. They want to be productive persons, seeking to make the world a more efficient place to live in. Bringing projects to completion, accomplishing goals, working effectively is what life is about. The cosmos is an orderly harmonious system and THREES work to keep it running smoothly.

Adaptive Cognitive Schema: Hope is the principle and attitude THREES have to keep them living in the real world. Hope believes the cosmos works effectively within and according to its own laws. It will continue to run smoothly even when THREES are not working. Entropy won't occur the instant THREES take time off. The most effective way to function is in harmony with these natural, personal, and social norms and processes.

Adaptive Emotional Schema: The state that accompanies THREES objective paradigm is truthfulness, the acceptance and expression of their inner self as it actually is without covering, exaggerating, or marketing it with external images, roles, and personas. THREES remain true to themselves and their commitments vs assuming whatever appearance they believe will make them look successful in the eyes of others.

Adaptive Behavioral Schemas: THREES have a natural organizational ability, easily assessing a situation, setting goals, and working efficiently and single mindedly toward them. They know how to get things done. They are optimistic, enthusiastic, and self confident. THREES are motivated and motivating. Being good salespeople, they intuitively know how to present themselves and their product. They can translate ideas into workable saleable systems. They are good team people and effective managers. They are pragmatic and can compromise to get projects on line and accomplished. They have the ability to sense what others want and expect from them and can adapt to fit that image thereby winning people over to their side.

Maladaptive Cognitive Schema: When THREES exaggerate their efficient qualities, they over-identify with the idealized self image of I am successful. To compensate for their maladaptive belief that they are failures and will be rejected, they become over-programmed, overly efficient, and can become workaholics.

Maladaptive Emotional Schema: Perceiving themselves as successful entrepreneurs, THREES believe they are above normal protocols and are not constrained by the laws and conventions that others live by. They deceive themselves and others into believing how successful they are. Their energy goes into their image, their public self, and the persona they think others want them to be. Over identifying with their roles and projects, they convince themselves this is who they really are.

Maladaptive Behavioral Schemas: Perceiving the world as disorganized, and presenting themselves as efficiency experts, THREES become workaholics, falling into Type A behavior, driven to succeed and climb the ladder of status and prestige. It's hard for THREES to stay with their own feelings, desires, and preferences. It's important to them to look good not to feel good. Work takes precedence over self. It's conflictual for THREES to do something unpopular, to espouse values that get unfavorable audience response. They are pragmatists. The end justifies the means. If it works, it's good.

What is Avoided: Since they strive to be successful, THREES avoid failure. They don't undertake projects unless they sense they can complete them. Their motto is: In life there are no failures, only learning experiences.

Defensive Maneuvers: THREES avoid failure by identification with their successful image, role, and projects. They change appearances, careers, interests in a chameleon-like manner to keep up with whatever image is currently popular.

Childhood Development: THREES got approval for their achievements. Their worth derived from what they did instead of from who they were. Performance and image were rewarded in place of personal disclosure and emotional connections with others. Looking good, getting ahead, being successful were emphasized in their family. Being adaptable helped them survive. Assuming the role and persona others wanted them to be increased their recognition, status, and prestige.

Non-Resourceful State: When THREES are under stress, they do more of the same, that is, they become more efficient and organized, work more frenetically, take on more projects, are on the go more, shake more hands, and advertise themselves more. When this doesn't work, they turn off their smooth running machine and stop. Doubting, numbing, neglecting themselves, avoiding responsibilities, and resigning themselves to failure, they go from exertion to exhaustion. They drop out and turn off. In this depressed state, their belief is their efforts don't matter, so what's the difference, why bother.

Resourceful State: When THREES are in a resourceful relaxed state, they get in touch with their inner feelings, preferences, and desires. They are honest and resist changing themselves to manipulate others. They show their true colors. They are loyal to themselves and to their values. They stay with what they believe in vs switching to what is popular. They are also loyal to others. They are trustworthy as well as competent. This combination makes them good leaders. They cooperate with others vs compete with them. They trust that others will get things done in their own way and in their own time. They embrace failure as a natural part of life. This loosens the hold of their image and helps them connect with their true self and with others. Now able to say to themselves I am loyal, I do what I ought to do, they believe they are acceptable as themselves. I am therefore I am active replaces I perform and produce therefore I am O.K.

Jerome Wagner's site : http://www.enneagramspectrum.com/

"Three" Panel

The following is an e-mail version of a class or workshop in the oral tradition conducted in May and June of 1997 which features panels of exemplars who present the characteristics of a type through through their personal stories and first hand accounts. Panels were conducted via e-mail postings between facilitator and panel participants through the Enneagram Mail List.

Jeanne (3w2): "I'm Jeanne and I'm a Three working on my recovery!" This is how I introduce myself when I teach Enneagram workshops and it's really true.

The Enneagram has given me tools for looking at my motivation and behavior that I was never able to see before. Suddenly the world and my place in it made sense.

Now, I'm not a FLAMING THREE--many mistake me for a TWO because of my strong service orientation and caring nature. However, I recognized with chagrin, my strong need to complete the project, get the job done, get the product out--on time and with excellence.

I have always been a workaholic--unfortunately for my bank account it's been in education fields, not commerce. I drove myself through master's and doctoral programs before I was 30 while working full time and raising a young family. Succeeding has always been a given, not an option--and it came easily and naturally for me.

And there's one of the ways I deceive myself and others--I've made the impossible look easy by working 20 hrs. a day and smiling through the drudgy parts. Knowing the Enneagram has helped me slow down a bit and pay more attention to my personal relationships.

Another form of deception is my "terminal cheeriness"--it disarms those who don't want to do it my way and greases the wheels for keeping the project moving. Getting mad or telling people off is a huge waste of time and energy and does not move the project forward. So I put the feelings on the back burner and keep the project on track--and experience the feelings later when I have time to work it through.

I'm nearing retirement age now and remember with shame how little time I spent with family when my son was at home. Now that he's a parent, we've had some good conversations about "family values" and the balance between work and family life. He's a ONE and is also driven to excel—and married to a FOUR.

Someone asked what we need and I think it is unconditional love--not for our work or success--but just for ourselves. I started earning love by reading at age 3 and figured that's how it worked—and until I ran headfirst into the Enneagram at 50, I've been working hard trying to earn grace and love.

I've also been a spiritual seeker for many years--and tried without success to do quiet forms of meditation. Body work, tai chi, yoga and other active forms of prayer and meditation work much better for me--but were not able to illuminate my shadow like the knowledge of the Enneagram has done. It has been a wonderful and challenging gift which I've shared with church and school groups.

Bianca (3w4): I deceive myself when I go on autopilot and do what will earn praise or acceptance without stopping to ask myself why I do what I do. I deceive myself by deciding that an issue is "not a big deal" without recognizing that it raises unpleasant feelings. I deceive myself and others by not addressing these things that trigger unpleasant emotions. I don't want to rock the boat, so I let things that bug me slide, which from a strict perspective is itself dishonest (although the three definition of "honesty" is I think a bit broader than it is for other types.)

Jeanne hit the nail on the head when she said that threes need unconditional love. Otherwise, the guard is up, the antennae are out feeling for what needs to be said or done to get approval. Similarly, threes often need to be reminded not to care about what others will think. This can be a really hard lesson. I was lucky enough to learn it the hard way at age 16. It is still a challenge, but it can also be extraordinarily liberating not to give a damn what others will think. Detaching from what others think is the first step in becoming a genuine person.

Jeanne also referred to making the impossible look easy and smiling through the drudgery. Complaining is not part of the game plan. I'd rather just buckle down, do it, and then let people wonder however did I manage to do all that at once. (Currently I am studying for finals in my last semester of law school, and living a bi-coastal marriage; husband in NY, me in CA. I am preparing for two bar exams, a move back to New York, and (hopefully) a new job.)

I have noticed that in my group of friends, I am the one people come to in a crisis. I think this is because my friends know I won't lose my head even if they are a mess. I find it gratifying that people count on me that way.

On a normal level I feel I have a hard time connecting with people and making really good friends. That people show up on my doorstep at 3 am in a crisis is to me an indication of real friendship, and because I feel emotionally handicapped, I can indicate to that friend how I value the relationship by helping them in whatever way they need. This is my way of "doing feelings."

Finally, a big hooray and welcome to Jeanne for speaking up. I knew I wasn't the only three out there on the list.

Jeanne (3w2): The responses to our THREE postings have been very supportive and reassuring. When I took the first oral tradition Enneagram workshop after studying it from books and tapes for about a year, I was shocked and unprepared to have point THREE discussed first--and found it VERY awkward to be asked about my well-buried feelings. It's much easier to follow others who have established a model for what is expected than to break ground in the feelings domain!

For those who have expressed concern about dealing with THREE employers, colleagues, etc., I would also urge you to be cautious and aware of their level of emotional maturity and spiritual development. An "unredeemed" THREE is not a pretty sight and is a source of great embarrassment and a reminder of what I have been and could become again without awareness and consciousness. THREEs can be "used car salespersons" in whatever field--and there's a part of me that loves to sell ideas and feel the approval and flow from the crowd as I respond to their interests using their language and experiences. It's great! I realize that I'm much more personal with a crowd than with individual friends. It's easier to share these thoughts with unknown email "buddies" than it is with close friends. Like Bianca I am the one that friends turn to for support, especially with the hard stuff--like divorces, deaths, and terminal illnesses. I am a ROCK for them--and only occasionally cry when I'm alone. However, I can't imagine anyone that I could turn to and feel comfortable if I was falling apart.

In giving feeling-type feedback to a THREE, I would be sure to wrap it inside assurances that: (1) I know you would never deliberately damage anyone; (2) Having this feedback will make your task more successful; (3) I trust your goodness and judgment enough to tell you this because it's scary for me. When I get feedback about how I've injured someone or that someone is not happy with something I'm doing, it always shocks and surprises me--and there's a stab of pain for being misunderstood. I usually set out to fix it immediately because I can't stand having that kind of discord going on--it's personally unpleasant and counterproductive to getting the job done well. If the person is truly unreasonable (IMHO) and their role in the project is not essential, I may minimize their future involvement and work around them.

I don't harbor grudges and when the issues are resolved, it's totally over. However, I am aware of that person's sensitivities and really try to avoid creating any future problems with them. If it takes tons of effort to modify my behavior to be around someone, I check out and avoid situations where we would be together.

As I've matured, I have learned to observe more and speak less--despite the length of this posting! I do like to respond immediately and generally do not procrastinate. The responses and questions to our THREE postings have been helpful and thought provoking. It helps me turn inward to ponder questions that never come up otherwise!

Jack (1): Bianca, you said: "Otherwise, the guard is up, the antennae are out feeling for what needs to be said or done to get approval ."

Bianca, would you be willing to tell us more about this process you experience in "feeling for what needs to be said or done"? How do you experience it? What's it look like? What does it feel like?

Bianca (3w4): This has been a very hard question to answer, partly because it is something I am trying to do less in my efforts to be a more "genuine" person. It is a very subtle process. I pay attention to speaking styles, manners of dress, sense of humor, mood, setting, body language, etc. and can frame my responses in the way that seems most likely to get a positive response. In a superficial social setting, like a cocktail party, I think this is probably ok. In a deep personal relationship, it's not ok.

At my old job (before going back to school) I worked for a 5 who enjoyed giving me pop quizzes about the contents of The Economist ("Can you name all the countries in the CIS?") and the New York Times ("there was an article about tuberous begonias in the home section last week, did you see it?") I enjoyed reading the Times and the Economist, and I would have read them anyway, (I still do) and could tell he was pleased I was interested in things he felt were important. He particularly enjoyed carrying on these horrendously obtuse conversations where nothing was ever stated directly but rather what was left unsaid was most important. I became adept at these "speaking between the lines" conversations, and I recognized that certain personal issues were simply too painful for him to deal with in a straightforward manner. When I left after three years, he called me into his office and made a serious of statements that he assumed would be grand revelations. He was stunned to learn that I had figured all these things out three years earlier; but I had also sensed that discretion was so terribly important to him that to let on to anyone what I knew, even to him, would be too alarming, so I just kept it to myself.

As a process, it is really hard to describe, because it is something I have been doing since before I became a really conscious person. (I know there is the nature vs. nurture debate about enneagram type, but I think I was born a three.) I am the youngest in my family, and I always wanted to be able to do all the things my sisters did (especially the things they were praised for.) In one sense, it is simply figuring out what is important to that person, and giving it to them.

Bianca (3w4): Jack, all the questions you have posed here have been really thought-provoking and I thank you for challenging me to stop and examine things I can do unthinkingly. I have never been to a live workshop and I appreciate the chance to be on a "virtual panel." If you have any more questions, I'll be happy to make a stab at answering them.

Margaret (3w4): Because I've very recently started identifying heavily with 3 rather than 4, I thought I'd add a little of my personal experience, as a late addition to the 3 panel:

I identified with point 4 for the past 4 or 5 years. I felt a little like a fraud being point 4, but secretly liked being a 4 ! There was lots I did identify with. Now, I think it was the strong 4 wing I have that was speaking to me, rather than the main 3 point which I haven't been anxious to own. But recently a combination of events (including a deeper understanding of an important 3 person in my life, a new work situation, and the 3 panel here) has turned my attention toward 3 and reading about point 3 has given me access to a much deeper sense of myself, and a real feeling that the pitfalls and antidotes for a 3 actually have practical meaning for me. Before this, I never ever thought I was a 3.

The thing which really brought me to 3 was that I can be such a robot and work all day, at the computer or in the garden, never giving a thought to my body or feelings (unless the feeling is anxiety that the job isn't going well or the feeling is pride in the job).

I pride myself on efficiency and get a lot of pleasure from it, especially if there is elegance that I can also bring to the task.

At work, I am often secretive about a difficult project, not wanting anyone to see my work until I have figured it out and have something presentable to show. Also, to produce something on time, I may choose cutting corners (if it isn't that noticeable) to admitting that I'm in trouble and asking for a time extension. I will wait until almost the end to admit such a thing. I feel that because I don't know the job perfectly (otherwise I wouldn't be behind) my client won't think I'm worth my pay. I usually avoid these fears by being highly efficient! I've been "getting off" on my skills, whether they be figuring out a new computer program or figuring out how to appear "together" in a new situation. But the motivation for all this efficiency has been to keep my fears at bay. I genuinely like being efficient, but it's like being in service to the devil for me to continue using efficiency to keep feelings repressed.

Do you remember those t-shirts that came out about 10 years ago that said things like: (a woman with her palm against her forehead, looking aghast) "I forgot to have a baby!" and "I'm becoming the kind of man I always wanted to marry." I think those t-shirts show a female baby boomer slant of the point 3.

I'm finding (when I remember!) that what is helpful is: tuning in to my body A LOT, consciously identifying my feelings, and acting accordingly. It's a moment-by-moment vigilance that is required. And each moment that I do these things is a triumph (and feels great . . . freedom!).

I apologize for being a bit late for the 3 panel. Since identifying with point 3 is a very new thing for me, this was as soon as the thoughts could emerge. Thanks,
Jack High's site : http://www.ennea.com/