How to Blog

How to blog by Tony pierce, 110
write every day.
If you think you’re a good writer, write twice a day.
Don’t be afraid to do anything. In fact if you’re afraid of something, do it. Then do it again. And again.
Cuss like a sailor.
Don’t tell your mom, your work, your friends, the people you want to date, or the people you want to work for about your blog. if they find out and you'd rather they didn’t read it, ask them nicely to grant you your privacy.
Have comments. don’t be upset if no one writes in your comments for a long time. Eventually they'll write in there. if people start acting mean in your comments, ask them to stop, they probably will.
Have an email address clearly displayed on your blog. Sometimes people want to tell you that you rock in private.
Don’t worry very much about the design of your blog. Image is a fake out.
Use Blogger. It’s easy, it's free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. Besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.
Use spellchecker unless you’re completely totally keeping it real. But even then you might want to use it if you think you wrote something really good.
Say exactly what you want to say no matter what it looks like on the screen. then say something else. Then keep going. And when you’re done, re-read it, and edit it and hit publish and forget about it.
Link like crazy. Link anyone who links you, link your favorites, link your friends. don’t be a prude. Linking is what separates bloggers from apes. And especially link if you're trying to prove a point and someone else said it first. it lends credibility even if you’re full of s--t.
if you haven’t written about sex, religion, and politics in a week you’re probably playing it too safe, which means you probably f--ked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.
remember: nobody cares which N*Sync member you are, what State you are, which Party of Five kid you are, or which Weezer song you are. the second you put one of those things on your blog you need to delete your blog and try out for the marching band. similarly, nobody gives a s--t what the weather is like in your town, nobody wants you to change their cursor into a butterfly, nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not, and nobody gives a rat ass what song you’re listening to. Write something Real for you, about you, every day.
Don’t be afraid if you think something has been said before. it has. and better. big whoop. say it anyway using your own words as honestly as you can. just let it out.
get Site Meter and make it available for everyone to see. if you're embarrassed that not a lot of people are clicking over to your page, don’t be embarrassed by the number, be embarrassed that you actually give a crap about hits to your gay blog. it really is just a blog. And hits really don’t mean anything. you want Site Meter, though, to see who is linking you so you can thank them and so you can link them back. Similarly, use Technorati, but don’t obsess. Write.
People like pictures. Use them. Save them to your own server. Or use Blogger's free service. if you don’t know how to do it, learn. Also get a Buzznet account. Several things will happen once you start blogging, one of them is you will learn new things. That’s a good thing.
Before you hit Save as Draft or Publish Post, select all and copy your masterpiece. You are using a computer and the internet, s--t can happen. No need to lose a good post.
Push the envelope in what you’re writing about and how you’re saying it. be more and more honest. Get to the root of things. Start at the root of things and get deeper. Dig. Think out loud. Keep typing. Keep going. Eventually you'll find a little treasure chest. Every time you blog this can happen if you let it.
Change your style. Mimic people. Write beautiful lies. Dream in public. Kiss and tell. Finger and tell. Cry scream fight sing f--k and don’t be afraid to be funny. The easiest thing to do is whine when you write. Don’t be lazy. audblog at least once a week.
Write open letters. Make lists. Call people out on their bulls--t. Lead by example. Invent and reinvent yourself. Start by writing about what happened to you today. For example today I told a hot girl how wonderfully hot she is.
When in doubt review something. There are not enough reviews on blogs. Review a movie you just saw, a TV show, a cd, a kiss you just got, a restaurant, a hike you just took, anything.
Constantly write about the town that you live in.
out yourself. Tell your secrets. You can always delete them later.
Don’t use your real name. Don’t write about your work unless you don’t care about getting fired.
Don’t be afraid to come across as an a-swipe. own you’re a-s-wipedness.
Nobody likes poems. Don’t put your poems on your blog. Not even if they’re incredible. Especially if they’re incredible. Odds are they’re not incredible. Bad poems are funny sometimes though, so fine, put your dumb poems on there. Whatever.
Tell us about your friends.
Don’t apologize about not blogging. Nobody cares. Just start blogging again.
Read tons of blogs and leave nice comments.
If you're going to rip off/mimic/be inspired by one blogger make it raymi, she’s perfect.
The average blog is at least 6 inches long.
Blogs stay hard for a week.
Blogs won't tell you size doesn't count.
Blogs don't get too excited.
Blogs never suffer from performance anxiety.
Blogs are easy to pick up.
You can fondle a blog in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
Blogs can get away any weekend.
With a blog you can get a single room.... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Blog.
A blog will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to a movie with a blog.... and see the movie.
You can go to a drive-in with a blog.... and you can stay in the front seat.
With a blog you can always wait until you get home.
A blog won't eat all the popcorn.... or send you out for Milk Duds.
A blog won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.
A blog won't ask: "Am I the first?".
A blog doesn't care if you're a virgin.
Blogs won't tell other blogs you're a virgin.
Blogs won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore.
With a blog you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
Blogs can handle rejection.
Blogs won't pout if you have a headache.
Blogs won't care what time of the month it is.
Blogs never want to get it on when your nails are wet.
Blogs won't give it up for Lent.
With a blog you never have to say you're sorry.
Afterwards, a blog won't: ...want to shake hands and be friends.
...say, "I'll call you a cab".
...tell you he's not the marrying kind.
...tell you he is the marrying kind.
...call his ex-wife or therapist.
...take you to confession.
Blogs don't leave you wondering for a month
Blogs won't make you go to the drugstore.
Blogs won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
A blog a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
A blog won't work your crossword with ink.
A blog isn't allergic to your cat.
With a blog you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season.
Blogs never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A blog won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
A blog doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
A blog won't go through your medicine chest.
A blog doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
Blogs won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.
Blogs won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
Blogs don't have sex hang-ups.
Blogs won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
Blogs aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts.
You can have as many blogs as you can handle.
You can eat blogs when you feel like it.
Blogs never need a round of applause.
Blogs won't ask: "Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?"
Blogs aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser.
A blog won't want to join your sports group.
A blog never wants to improve your mind.
Blogs aren't into meaningful conversations.
Blogs won't ask about your Last Lover.... or speculate about your next one.
A blog will never make a scene because there are other blogs in the refrigerator.
A blog won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh blog.
Blogs don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.
A blog won't give you a hickey.
Blogs can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot.
Blogs don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
A blog never forgets to flush the toilet.
A blog doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
With a blog, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
Blogs don't compare you to a center fold.
Blogs don't count to 10.
Blogs don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
A blog will never leave you ... for another woman.
...for another man.
...for another blog.
A blog will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then come home smelling like another
woman.
A blog never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.
You always know where a blog has been.
A blog never has to call "the wife".
Blogs never have mid-life crises.
A blog won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
Blogs don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
You won't find out later that your blog ... is married.
...is on penicillin.
...likes you - but loves your brother.
A blog doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
Blogs never tell you what they did on R&R.
A blog won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.
Blogs don't care if you make more money than they do.
Blogs won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.
A blog won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
A blog won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
Blogs never want to take you home to mom.
A blog doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family.
A blog won't ask to be put through Med School.
A blog won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
Blogs never expect you to have little blogs.
Blogs don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
It's easy to drop a blog.
A blog will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.
A blog NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
A blog lasts longer than seven seconds.
A blog won't expect you to cook dinner when you're not hungry.
A blog will never expect you to sit in the wet spot IT makes.
A blog doesn't care if you go shopping.
A blog doesn't mind when your mother visits.
A blog does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
Having a blog can't make you pregnant.
A blog won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
If a blog had a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.
A blog doesn't want to go out alone with the other blogs.
A blog doesn't sulk.
A blog wouldn't waste its money on Playblog magazine.
A blog won't switch the TV channel.
A blog doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.
A blog doesn't snore.
A blog can't interrupt.
A blog doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburetor.
A blog doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
A blog doesn't belch. Or fart.
A blog doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
A blog doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
A good blog is easy to find.
A blog can't pout.
A blog doesn't have a mother.
A blog doesn't have friends who will drink your blog.
A blog wouldn't yell if you dented the car.
A blog won't get jealous if you enjoy another blog.
A blog won't care if you gain five pounds.
A blog will be there for anytime of the month.
A blog doesn't want children.
A blog doesn't think poetry is queer.
A blog isn't ready until you're ready.
If the blog is finished before you are, you can have another blog.
Hangovers from too much blogging go away.
A blog tastes good.
Having a blog doesn't make you want to take a shower.
A blog will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
A blog's life does not revolve around the football.
A blog would never make fun of your new outfit.
A blog never needs a shave.
You don't have to let a blog win.
A blog doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.
Just because you have dinner with a blog doesn't mean you have to sleep with a blog too.
A blog doesn't have morning breath.
A blog is happy to go where ever you want to go.
A blog will never drink the last blog.
A blog will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
When a blog is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.
A blog wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
A blog is never temperamental.
A blog will never complain about your cooking.
A cold blog is a good blog.
A blog will never worry about losing its hair.
A big, fat blog is nice to have.
A blog won't steal the covers.
You don't have to laugh at a blog's jokes.
A blog won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for blog.
You can enjoy a blog when you are on your period.