Abuse

DEAR ABBY:

A dear friend is being married this summer to a man who is abusive. She is in denial about his extreme, sometimes violent, jealous and controlling behavior. Recently, he threw coffee in her face while she was driving and caused an accident. He blamed it all on her, and she accepted the blame.

He punches holes in the walls when they fight. Once he even broke a bone in his hand. He constantly accuses her of cheating, and when they're together, he watches her like a hawk and she won't leave his side.

She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I am not comfortable with it because I would not be able to celebrate the occasion. Her fiance knows how I feel. He doesn't like me, and the feeling is mutual.

What should I tell her? In the past I told her that marrying him would be a big mistake, and she got very angry. Your advice would be appreciated. -- DEPRESSED IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your friend appears to be in for a rocky future. She's so desperate for a husband -- any husband -- that she's willing to settle for a control freak who didn't hesitate to put her life at risk.

Under the circumstances, you should not participate in the wedding. But do tell her that if this doesn't work out as she is hoping, you will help her form an escape plan, because the likelihood is that she is going to need one.

P.S. I don't blame you for being depressed. If she was my friend, I'd be depressed, too. However, until she's ready to face reality, there is nothing you can do.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.